Pineapple Tat Story

Change My Mind

2011-11-20T17:40:00.004+08:00

Sometimes you don't need to change people's minds because sometimes it doesn't hurt you for them to think that way.

You know how sometimes people post about their thoughts on internet like social networks, blogs, forums etc. And people will disagree, debate and correct each other...

Sometimes it is important, however some of the time it is not.

Don't bother live longer......

The Woman in the Small Cute Shoes

2011-11-17T14:33:00.007+08:00

"What is it that you actually want for yourself?"

JY, standing at an impressive height of 1.58m, with her petite frame and small feet, trying to match my pace while we were walking to Nicholl Highway to grab a cab, asked me.

Before that I told her I wanted to earn a mountain of money, so that my parents will not worry about medical bills, I will be able to support my brother in whatever he wants to do and most importantly I will feel safe.

"But you wanted a mountain of money because of other people, so what is it that you actually wanted for yourself?" JY continued.

I couldn't answer her question.

It never struck me what I really wanted for myself.

In one of my usual diffusion tactic, I deflect the question back to her because I can't answer her question.

"So what do you want to do for yourself?" Pineapple Tat asked.

JY told me she wants to see the world before she gets married and to repay her parents for their investments in her studies.

Some people tell me that JY is a girl, I always tell them she is a woman. Hiding behind her girlish laughter, kiddish voice and small cute shoes, is a woman who impress me with her thoughts sometimes.

Yes it took a 22 years old, now almost 23 years old woman to make a 29 years old man realise what is it that he really wants.

Maybe after she has travelled around the world twice, repaid her parents 5 times over, I would still not know what I really want......

Don't Just Run Away

2011-11-15T19:16:00.004+08:00

I just had an "UH HUH!" moment.

I realised that running away does not solve problems.

Maybe running and hiding will.

If it cannot find you, it doesn't exist......

What Else

2011-11-15T13:36:00.013+08:00

I once read somewhere that you can be alone but not lonely.

And you can be in a crowd and still feel lonely.

Today I just realised something new.

Solitude is peace but sometimes it can be deafening too.

With all those voices in your head debating.

Once things screw up, cannot be unscrewed.

What is said, cannot be recovered.

What is done, cannot be undone.

I think I am feeling this way probably because I had too much caffeine, not enough sleep yesterday, more reading stuff to tackle plus the defeaning solitude makes me A Pessismistically Angry Self Centred Philosopher......

November Emptiness

2011-11-14T19:18:00.004+08:00

Being isolated away from the world, coping at home sometimes force me to wonder about life, why I am doing what I am doing, what I am thinking, how am I going to spend the rest of my life and should I just not think at all.

Is what we want really what we want?

Is what we think really correct?

And what is actually going on?

Maybe I am just a boy in a man's body, who just want to eat, sleep and play...

Or is that really what I want......

Life is like a train

2011-11-07T12:02:00.004+08:00

In one of my random memories, it was once described that life is like a train.

As we travel through the journey of life, many different people will board into your train at different stations of your life. Many will also alight at different stations of your life.

Some people will ride for one stop, some a few stops, some many stops and some will board, alight and board again. You never know who you will see, who you will meet and who you will never see again.

As I move to the next station of my life, sometimes I do wonder about those people who have alighted from my train, if I will ever see them again......

Run

2011-11-06T16:29:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel like running away...

Run as far as possible...

Run away from everything...

Run into hiding...

Run so that nothing will catch up with you...

Run and leave everything behind...

But... where can you run to......

4 Seconds

2011-08-30T22:05:00.008+08:00

Every morning when I am going to the office from the Lavendar train station, I would always need to cross this 10 metre wide North Bridge Road in 20 seconds. That’s because the traffic light has a digital timer counting down from the 'green walking man' to the 'red standing man'.

One day, I decided to challenge JY to cross this 10 metre wide road in 4 seconds for no reason. It would be an impressive feat for her especially when she stands at an impressive height of 1.58m, which means she didn’t have long walking legs. Unfortunately she really took up the challenge for no reason...

I guess her pride was at stake and she needed to prove it to a 1.71m man who is 0.13m taller than her. In anyway she doesn’t believe I am that tall and claims that I am only as tall as her father, which I suspect she must have put her father and my photo side by side to measure. Similarly I also don’t believe she is that short because I think she should be 2cm shorter.

The day came when JY and I were going for lunch and we were to cross this 10 metre wide North Bridge Road chasm. This was her chance to prove it. We waited for the digital timer to count down till 4 seconds remaining and then walked across. She seemingly float through the road in 4 seconds coolly and doesn’t seem to be making much of an effort to walk fast. While I was like ‘how come I can’t finish crossing it in 4 seconds’ and was like going to sprint. We must have looked silly in front of those drivers waiting for us to cross the road, I am quite sure...

After this silly incident, every time when I have to cross this North Bridge Road, I would always look at the timer and think of ‘4 seconds’, because I knew there was once I played a silly little game with a 1.58m woman who has proved to me that short walking legs is not a barrier to crossing a road in 4 seconds.

Not too long ago, JY and I were crossing this North Bridge Road again and we talk about crossing it in 4 seconds again. I told her the digital timer is gone and I suspect the traffic police knew about the dangerous little game we were playing and took it away……

(The digital timer is actually still there, I really thought it was gone that day)

My Work Buddy Van

2011-08-30T17:43:00.004+08:00

Van yesterday night asked me to please introduce guys to her because her mum has been nagging her to get married and she could not take it anymore.

As a good buddy, I told her to look through my Facebook and choose who she likes. Then the next step would be to introduce these selected unlucky men… no I mean lucky men to her.

Actually I have suspected all along, she wanted me to introduce men to her but did not directly ask me. Instead she has been dropping subtle hints and as a man, it is natural that I am oblivious to it until it became clear today. (It just struck me)

The conversations at work and lunches all along were constructed to tell me the kind of men she likes.

Like showing me pictures of men whom she thinks is good-looking, telling me how other men are doing silly (my own interpretation) stuff for her, her past relationships and what kind of men her mum likes. She also once gave me an MCQ test on choosing between three women in the office whom I would date, which I now suspect its a plot for me to ask her back the same question, so that she can indicate her favourite three.

And she often subtly hints to me her virtues, so that when I speak to my men friends, I am able to craft out a picture of an almost perfect woman.

She tell me her everyday mundane things like how she likes to clean the toilet, how she must do housework and how thrifty she is plus all the assets that are under her name.

So if you like a woman who can clean a toilet well (read: responsible), have assets (read: rich), thrifty (means everything you pay), indecisive (means you can make all the decisions), and obedient (means no argument) and naggy (means she is caring), please drop me a note on my blog and I will get in touch with you soon… Oh and also attached a full body photo indicating your height... And your income documents… Men who are good-looking or think they are good-looking are encouraged to apply......

Weekends Gone

2011-08-21T17:47:00.003+08:00

I am going nuts.

Coping at home to do my work, my body is flooded with caffeine, my sleeps are filled with dreams for 3 days, my back is aching with pain for sitting too long and my brain is tired from all the thinking...

As an extrovert, I need external stimuli which will boost my mood, too much solitude can make me bored (Btw being bored means the "existential condition of meaninglessness), no, go crazy.

Thinking that surfing Facebook is as good as keeping me connect with the outside world is naive.

My weekends are just gone like that again......

Why I don't like to ask a woman out

2011-08-20T16:35:00.004+08:00

We all know men are constantly thinking of how to ask a woman out. It is such an agony to think of the perfect way to ask her out and a daunting challenge to make her say “yes”.

Lots of thinking goes into crafting the right message strategy (what – a direct question, give a good excuse, tell a great story etc.), choosing the right media (where - SMS, email, word of mouth or write a letter), and the creative execution (how – write your invitation on an origami).

You might say all you have to do is just ask. Like my friend Ms Mill who always says “You think too much.” What Ms Mill doesn’t understand is, to us men, we want 100% success. No man asks a woman expecting a “no”. We want something that’s why we ask.

The worse is when they give you an answer like, “See first”, “See how” or “See if the world will end tomorrow” answers, so are we supposed to ask again?

Thus after multiple rejection throughout the years, I decided to just asked again even though she already said “no” 2 days ago.

I SMS her, “You really don’t want to eat dinner together today?” She replied “At jpt?”

I finally got an indirect “Yes”. Women just wouldn’t say yes right. At last, the woman who rejects me the most in my lifetime, my mother, has agreed to eat dinner with her own son. It’s her birthday, of course we should go out.

Unlike my mother-in-law who loves to go out, my mother likes to stay at home and watch Korean drama, instead of going out with her son who is more charming than the Korean men. I mean they all have fake organs like their nose, what is more charming than authenticity like me?

As we all know, women like to perform stunt (Stunt is define as a woman performing a remarkable feat that leaves you speechless). And thanks to Samsung Galaxy S2 for having a battery life as short as a public phone, my mother actually change her mind and SMS me that we should eat another day, which I didn’t received.

I called her and told her I am already on my way to the restaurant and didn’t saw that message. Well luckily, my mum still (a) has a conscience, (b) touched by my persistence and sincerity (c) change her mind again or (d) All of the above.

No matter what I still got to eat dinner with my mother and I still don’t like to ask a woman out……

The App That I Think I Need To Download

2011-08-16T13:47:00.005+08:00

Yesterday I read an article from Askman.com on “Apps for girls”, the article mention that there are 10 apps that men shouldn’t be caught dead with.

Suddenly it dawn on me on why my life is constantly dramatic. That's because I am always working in an environment with so many women. Downloading a PMS Tracker may actually make my life better. (Ok very unmanly I know)

According to Wikipedia, there are “specific emotional and physical symptoms attribute to PMS”. (Sounds dangerous)

And it happens “ten days prior to menses”. (That’s a long time)

This is the killer: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).” (Wow…)

Counting the number of women in my team from a photo, there are 11 of them. So 11 x 10 days = 110 days. It’s once a month so 11 x 10 days x 12 months = 1,320 days (Hmmm that’s a lot of days). There is only 365 days a year, so 1,320 / 365 = 360% (Huge percentage!)

The figures 360% and the over 200 symptoms seems like a lot of irritability, tension and dysphoria in a month and I am not sure how I can manage that.

Thus I have concluded that I need the PMS Tracker in my phone, so that I can tweak my communication with every woman depending on their moods for those 10 days. (Very clever, pat on the back)

Now I need another app to tell me how to ask a woman when her PMS is……

A Letter To Clarissa

2011-07-12T19:47:00.007+08:00

As you can see from my reaction in the picture, I am not too sure how to handle the affection of a three-year-old woman when she wanted to kiss me.

After Mummy Jenny saw the picture, she mentioned that she have not yet taught her daughter on how to handle guys since girls should not take the initiative so quickly. This is because guys like girls who are challenging.

I advised Mummy Jenny better not teach her daughter to be challenging because the women in my office are also challenging and most of them are still single.

Anyway since I feel guilty about avoiding Clarissa that day, I shall give Clarissa 3 tips on how to be a challenging woman.

Based on my 29 years of experience talking to women (and still not good at handling them), here are the 3 easiest ways to be challenging.

1. Give ambiguous answers
The more ambiguous the answer the better.

Use it to confuse men, make them read your mind and guess what you want. This will ensure that he will be thinking of you the whole day and trying to figure you out.

An example of an ambiguous answer is when he asks you a question, you reply with “what do you think?”

When a man’s face looks blank or he says “huh”, it means you have succeeded.

2. Never say yes
You can say any answer like “can”, “ok” or give a long indirect answer but just don’t say “yes”.

The theory is that it makes you look easy and not challenging if you say the word “yes”. (I think so, in fact I am not too sure about this theory)

The preferred choice is actually to give a long indirect answer. And the most useful way to do it is to first say “no” then say “yes” indirectly.

An example is a man asks you for lunch, first say “Don’t want”, then after a 3 second pause, say “anyway no one is stopping you from having lunch with me.”

Again when a man’s face looks blank or he says “huh”, it means you have succeeded.

3. Always pretend to be busy
This has something to do with the economic theory of demand and supply.

It is like your time is so scarce (rare supply/availability like diamond), that demand (theoretically) will be high because it is not easily available (read challenging).

An example is when a man asks you out, tell him that you are busy with ______ (fill in the blank) on that day and will not be able to confirm with him until ______ (fill in the blank). Make it like really last minute when you agree. Also when you finally meet him, meet for only 1 hour.

Alternatively agree to meet him then cancel the date 3 hours before saying you have something else. According to a woman friend, this is ethical because 3 hours is enough time for him to arrange another activity. If he is interested, he will (stupidly) forgive you and ask you a second time (to get tortured).

After giving you these 3 pointers, I hope these tips will help you to become the most challenging woman in Singapore.

So Clarissa, when you are 19 and realise many men are dying at your hands, remember to thank me and no you don’t owe me a kiss even if you miss it that day.

And also remember that I am the most challenging man in Singapore because you didn't get to kiss me.

Now that I feel guilty about betraying the male race, in my next post, I will teach men how to handle challenging women...

Fortune Favours The Bold And The Crazy

2011-07-02T15:30:00.003+08:00

“Stuck.”

I thought to myself.

“Hanging around.”

Which I don’t like to do.

“Think out of the box”

I tell myself.

“Move.”

It is the conclusion.

“Ok.”

The answer I wanted to hear.

Society is progressive, the greed of man drive progression, the ambition of man move things.

I took a gamble.

From the comfort of the strongest team to the newest team.

There is nothing.

Make or break.

I need to pull this off.

And the only way is up.

Fortune favours the bold and hopefully the crazy…

Every day is a new day

2011-07-02T15:28:00.001+08:00

Every day is a new day.

That is what I tell myself.

Although there will be residuals of yesterday.

But a night of sleep brings new hope when you open your eyes.

For you know the residuals of yesterday are just yesterday.

Today is today.

Everybody is born with different circumstances.

So the residuals of yesterday are the new set of circumstances today.

And then tomorrow again will be a new day.

I have forgotten yesterday.

I cannot remember today.

And I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Rubbish Truck Theory

2011-06-26T18:49:00.006+08:00

Mama Sim looks like she has tears in her eyes.

She said, “You are very bad. How can you call people a rubbish truck, they have feelings too you know.”

I know.

Mama Sim was able to relate to how one man in her life qualifies as a ‘Rubbish Truck’.

I was explaining to Mama Sim about this Rubbish Truck Theory that I discovered and how it applies to a woman’s life.

Basically a ‘Rubbish Truck’ refers to a man who will always be there for you but you will never be with him. No, I am not referring to your father or the IT man you always call for help but will never go with him for lunch.

How to qualify or know that someone is a ‘Rubbish Truck’

1. You have been ‘waiting’ for this woman for months, years or centuries to be your girlfriend, wife or mistress even if she is attached.
2. When you call her and she doesn’t pick up, you will call again and again and again until she picks up. If she still doesn’t pick up, you will SMS her. She just has to reply you.
3. You are the ‘hero’ of her life. Like superman, you will always fly there when she needs help, even if she did not ask you.

Of course there are more scenarios, so basically when she needs to dump rubbish, you are always ready and there to take her rubbish. Clearing her rubbish is your priority.

Basic Uses of a Rubbish Truck

According to Mama Sim, one way she uses her rubbish truck is to purposely go out with him to make another man jealous.

Here are some other ways,
1. You want to go out and you can’t find anyone, so you call your rubbish truck to accompany you. (Male escort)
2. You want to perform some physical activities but felt incapable of, so you get your rubbish truck to carry your shopping bags, throw your old furniture etc. (Labourer)
3. You have no idea how to fix your kitchen tap, how to buy a toilet bowl, why your computer is not working etc. You get him to fix these without paying.(Technician)
4. You need transport but the bus is too slow and the train does not reach the place within a 1 metre radius but your rubbish truck can drive you there. (Chauffeur)

Really the list goes on, as you can see having a few rubbish trucks is very useful especially when different man have different talent and amount of money. (Luckily I have no talent and not much money, ok that’s beside the point)

The End of a Rubbish Truck

In the end, all rubbish trucks will either disappear when you are married or still hang around as long as they have hope or sometimes they are just used to be around you.

They can get married and still call you once in a while to update their lives with you or even seek your advice when they are deciding whether to get marry like this,

“If you tell me not to marry her, I will not marry her.”

Something like that.

Of course some rubbish trucks do become sport cars in the end which these women want to drive and bring around to show their family and friends.

Maybe hard work sometimes does work…

Women are actually very easy to understand

2011-06-05T16:45:00.001+08:00

“Women are actually very easy to understand…”

That is a pretty bold claim coming from any 25-year-old man, especially when he is telling this to another 29-year-old man.

Last Friday, I met up with SC over beer and dinner at Nabins to catch up at an Arabian restaurant for youngsters. (I think I was in the top 10% of the age demographic there)

Talking to SC is always enlightening because he says things that you never thought of and would not expect from someone like him.

According to Myer Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which we both did the personality test together; he is supposed to be an ISTJ, which is an introvert - “ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living”.

What he has done so far

Updating me on his life, he has just quit his new job after 3 months because he was too bored being a client (he joined from an advertising agency) and started his own freelancing.

He purposely screwed up his new relationship by ‘confessing’ (that’s what he calls it) to his girlfriend on how he actually felt about their relationship because she was beginning to talk to him about their future.

He told me he has relationship commitment issue and would freak out whenever a woman talks to him about the future. He even asked me if it is wrong of him to promise a woman everything she asked, and then use it to ‘confess’ that he don’t really mean it when he wants to break up. (he use this trick quite often)

I think I punched him. (No, I am kidding, why would I do that? He is so funny)

Based on his morals (yes, he still has some left somewhere), he felt it is wrong to waste a woman’s youth and ‘park’ too long in their life. He felt it is right to end things quickly when he is not serious about it.

He says he felt painful too whenever he ends a relationship, although I am not sure which part of the body the pain comes from.

To him ‘Love’ is a concept that is being invented and Shakespeare was the one who invented it. According to him, ‘Love’ is a trend that is invented and accepted by so many people that it becomes the norm.

What he is doing now

SC is now something of a mini-guru because he is writing a book to be published, conducting workshops and speaking at conferences. No, he is not a dating guru like those that you (referring to men only) are searching online. He is a tech guy.

Women are actually very easy to understand

I know you men must have skipped the middle passages to look for the answer and you don’t really care who SC is as a person.

The principle is actually pretty simple to write, only one sentence. He said,

“Women are always looking for meaning in everything.”

Ok I know you men must be like “HUH?”

Don’t worry if you think you need more explanation on this life-saving principle, I can always arrange a meeting between you and SC for a small fee.

I think I finally almost understand women

After SC said that, I think I am really on my way to almost understanding women.

Now I think I can understand why whenever I asked a woman question, they would always reply my question with another question.

That is because they are looking for meaning in my question, although I am not too sure why.

However after replying my question with a question, and then I reply their question with a question like “why can’t you just answer my question?” They would always accuse me of being overconfident.

One day, I decided to ask a member of the female race, why does this same scenario keep repeating in my life. She said that’s because the problem lies with me.

HUH? ……

How not to think about other women

2011-05-25T12:52:00.000+08:00

Ms K for some strange reason asked me not to think about other women and sometimes accuse me of thinking about other women.

I thought about it…

Asking me not to think about other women is like asking me not to think about food.

It is impossible because when Ms K asked me not to think about other women, an image of a woman appears in my head. I am sure it is also appearing in your head right now.

So technically this is a bad move from Ms K’s part.

However I have thought of a solution.

That is to add a moustache to every woman’s face that I think of.

So technically I am thinking about other women BUT they have been “manly-fied” by the moustache.

So next time when Ms K asked me “Are you thinking about other women again?” I will say “Yes and they have moustaches on their face…”

Which means the other women like my mother, mother-in-law and grandmother would have moustaches on their face too……

Blood Type Ms A

2011-05-24T11:32:00.004+08:00

One night, while I was engrossed with my work, suddenly a woman’s voice asked me…

Ms A: “Pineapple Tat, have you seen my drop of blood?”

Pineapple Tat: “What drop of blood??” (Puzzled by this unique 1st in the world question)

Ms A: “I had a paper cut on my finger and I flick my finger. Now the drop of blood is gone and I can’t find it.”

Pineapple Tat: “……“ ( -_-: )

And then we both stood up and look for that drop of blood, especially if it is lucky enough to have landed anywhere on you...

Ms A went to the toilet and came back to report to me the good news that she could not find it anywhere on her.

I know any man who meets a damsel in distress especially after she has lost a drop of blood would have called the ambulance, find a bandage, or bought iron tablets for her and would have asked “are you ok, do you need a hug?” kind of stuff.

However I believe in the concept of “Give a woman a fish and she will ask for more, teach a woman to fish and she will never look for you anymore.” (Ok I trademark and copyright this now, whichever works)

So I taught Ms A what she should have done.

Pineapple Tat: “Ms A, in the first place why did you FLICK your finger when you cut yourself?” (I was looking for insight which is also part of my job)

Ms A: “......” (Ok no insight)

Pineapple Tat: “Logically people would have gone and wash their finger first and then find a plaster RIGHT...”

Ms A: “......” (Ok still no insight on behaviour)

(One friend was laughing in the background because she witnessed the whole incident)

Oh ya... By the way where is that missing drop of blood......?????

How to make almost 1 million in 5 years?

2011-05-22T16:07:00.003+08:00

All this while when I am in hiding, I have been thinking… How do I make more money?

Recently the election just happened and Mama Sim told me that if I were to stand for election, she would have voted for me…

I heard that our Members of Parliament earns 15,000 per month. That would mean 180,000 per year and a total of 900,000 for a 5-year term…

That would make me an almost millionaire…

Ms Mill overheard Mama Sim and told me that she will also throw in her vote for me plus her mother’s. Ok that is 2 more votes.

Now that I have at least 3 votes (assuming Mama Sim is changing her Malaysian citizenship to Singapore in 5 years time which is highly unlikely)…

I think I am on a great start to my political career...

I have already thought of 2 ways to strike it rich for the next election.

Strike It Rich Plan 1
Contest against Singapore’s famous figure Lee Kuan Yew in Tanjong Pagar GRC. Everyone loves a David vs Goliath, Jack and the Beanstalk story right…

So I am surely going to get on the front page, back page, middle page of all the national newspapers and that is priceless…

After getting 1% of the votes in the election, having all the media lime light plus forfeiting my election deposit of $16,000 (I heard somewhere you need an election deposit and it will be forfeited if your votes are below 12% I think), I am well on my way to publishing a book named “Why I contest against Lee Kuan Yew?”

That should make me $1,000,000 in book sales, speaker fees, celebrity appearances and poster sales…

Strike It Rich Plan 2
Contest in any area, and during speeches on stage keep criticizing the government policies.

Ok this is nothing special. I mean the news will report what you say anyway, so to differentiate yourself from the rest, you should bring all your personal problems on stage.

That should make all the audience notice you…

List of dramatic stuff you can bring onto the stage,

1. Have an affair, admit it on stage, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It shows that you are only human, deserve a second chance and probably a chance to run the country…

2. Cry at the slightest thing, at anything, just cry, it will show that you are a compassionate, emotional and also someone who has the heart to run the country…

3. Ok this one has nothing to do with drama, but you must have a dramatic name especially a name like ‘Yam Ah Mee’ (I did not make this up, you can google his name). You can create this dramatic package by having good looks, a vintage hairstyle and most importantly a killer name… You will go viral…

Now the first thing I need to do is to start a political party… How about Pineapple Tat Party (PTP)......

Come out of hiding

2011-05-20T20:06:00.005+08:00

After going into hiding for almost 9 months and being really sure that no one is reading my blog anymore, I decided to come out of hiding.

You might be asking (whoever is reading this, oh ya no one should be reading this) why did I went into hiding?

Firstly, I love to hide. When I was young I like to play hide and seek. It is a silly game to play in a 4 room HDB flat (about 100 sqm I think) but still that few seconds of not being found is thrilling...

Secondly, I think I am anti-social (my father said that), however no one believes me on this, thus I need to prove it. Ok proven...

Thirdly, I am a philosopher. All philosophers need to go into hiding because they are banish for some reason, exiled and disappeared for no reason I think...

Lastly, I think I am bored of hiding......

Blessed and Maybe...

2010-08-16T22:17:00.005+08:00

I have always been blessed in what I wanted to do...

I remember 4 years ago, with only an A Level cert, I went looking for a job, not knowing that I was naive to ask for a marketing job with a not so high qualification. A lady from a recruitment firm even looked pissed when I mention that I wanted to work in marketing. She was quite rude and I hope she is not a receptionist anymore.

At that time, I was praying to God to find me a marketing job. I ended up taking a sales job in a bank selling credit cards. Miraculously I got into marketing after just 1 month with the same bank doing credit cards marketing. It was a great job and one of my happiest times. I learned a lot, met some good people and it was glamourous. There are many perks like free concert tickets, free mooncakes, free treats and lots of pretty office ladies. I worked late often but was happy as I was passionate about the work.

Later I got into another bank doing credit cards dining programme. I met lots of restaurant owners in the course of work. Eating and drinking was part of the job while negotiating for deals. It was a good experience but at that time I wanted something more fulfilling other than meeting quotas and I always wanted to try advertising.

I prayed to God again to allow me to get into the best media agency in the country. In the end I did get an interview but later there was a hiring freeze for that agency. At that time, I thought my dream of getting into advertising was over, my dream of getting into a media agency was gone forever and I can only imagine what it was like to work in one.

A year and a half later, miraculously I got into the best media agency in the country. God has answered all my prayers on what I wanted to do. That is why I have always encourage people to follow their dreams and to do what they like. Because I believe if you do what you like, money will definitely come later.

However after all these years I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness... Not that my pockets are empty... I have enough to eat and I have the opportunity to do things that I like... But I felt empty... Something seem to be missing but I don't know what...

Maybe I am just tired... Maybe I am wrong about some things... Maybe I have forgotten about God......

4 Years Later

2010-07-12T23:37:00.003+08:00

The handphone alarm rang... I woke up at 2.30am, everything is going as planned... I lied on my bed, waiting for my brother's cue to switch on the TV in the living room. Face half covered with pillow, I hear no TV noise, maybe the match haven't start yet, though it should start at that time. Went back to sleep unknowingly...

Then I woke up and heard my father came out of his room talking to my brother that it is still 0-0 and that the match is not exciting. I can hear the noise of the soccer fans chanting from my room... Yeah the match is not exciting YET... I will lied down and wake up when the match gets more exciting...

Finally I woke up... It is morning... I asked my brother sleepily while lying in the bed the score (face still covered with pillow). The funny thing about my brother besides that he doesn't seem to sleep, is that he will only answer what you asked. He answered only "1-0", nothing more nothing less. Then of course I have to asked him who won which either he mumbled or I can't hear him. And then I asked him who scored. He replied "Iniesta" and I knew Spain won and went back to sleep again... Waiting for the World Cup 4 years later......

2012 And The World Cup

2010-07-12T00:10:00.006+08:00

I didn't expect burning something into a DVD can take so long... I mean it doesn't take much time to burn down a house, a paper or even a cigarette. Ok maybe it is different. My original plan was to finish burning the DVD (before the computer overheat and set itself on fire)and then quickly sleep to wake up to watch the World Cup.

You see the World Cup happen every 4 years, I will be 32 when the next World Cup happens and 220 when Singapore qualifies for it. So I thought of watching it. There is also this thought that 2012 is coming soon, so what if the world really ends that year? Then this year's World Cup will be the last.

That's exactly why I have been telling people that I will be taking my Sabbatical in 2012 where I will go on a 1 year break, in case the world ends. I mean I don't want to die working. Besides taking a break before the world ends, there are a few things I wanted to do during a 1 year break,

1. Concentrate on my part time studies and finish all the units in 1 shot because I wanted to get all 'As' for no reason.

2. I may have my 1st kid in that year and for the strange reason that my girlfriend prefers our baby to be born in the year of the Dragon.

3. Study about stocks, really sit down and study about stock markets. Remember that I have only a simple dream and that is to strike it rich.

Right now I think smoke is getting into my eyes (or is it because I am sleepy?) and I still have 2 more DVDs to go......

Moving, Moving, Gone

2010-07-05T21:15:00.005+08:00

Today suddenly Mr Nose told me it is his last day at his office at Textile Centre because he has been transferred to the CBD area. It then reminds me of Ms Pooh saying she might be moving on soon... I mean people move, however new things seem to happen to me more often than not...

You see change happens a lot in my career. Things like changing boss, changing teams, changing portfolio, changing jobs, changing industry, changing seats, changing table, changing water for my money plant in office... The best part is that I can keep still, do nothing (I do work, nothing as in nothing wrong) and things can still change. With the exception of changing jobs + industry, teams disappear, boss get changed for some reason like restructing, realignment, resign, reorg and anything that comes with 're' or I move with the portfolio because my ex-boss got swallowed by a shark, wolf or something with a big mouth.

Change is so frequent that I have decided to have as little personal belongings as possible, so that I can moved easily. If I were to move now, I just need to pick up my money plant, take the 1 photo of me and Ms K in office, a photo frame of my classmates (Ogilvy Masterclass) and my namecards. Thats all... Light and easy...

You see it is actually quite tiring to keep changing, your confirmation appraisal is written by 1 boss (good review of course) then your mid year appraisal is written by another boss, then at the end you realise your year end appraisal is going to be written by another boss. You built rapport with someone, look forward to learning from the person and you feel settled down, then realise the person is leaving due to 're-' (yes it is the this word again, in fact you can fill in a few variations). Of course there are good things like retirement and promotion (this is the exception of 're').

The good thing about this is that I am always making new friends......

Life As You Know It

2010-06-30T23:15:00.006+08:00

As I look at my grandfather lying on the bed with an oxygen face mask strap to his face breathing heavily... Feeling weak, he needed assistance in breathing. Looking frail, hands swollen and with all the tubes going through his body, it is a helpless sight...

I look at his face, eyes half open, falling into sleep and then opening his eyes and then falling back into sleep... The machines around him had many numbers and lines, seem like life can be measured by numbers and charts.

Sometimes I thought how would you measure your life? By the amount of money in the bank, the number of women you have been with or the way your career has progress up the charts.

My uncle told me my grandfather used to earn lots of money as a businessman selling 2nd hand cars because it was big in the past, he was seen with many different women and drove many types of cars. He once gave me an advice on women, never be with a woman more capable than you because she will control you (He was once with a career woman I heard). Though I don't agree with that. (In fact, I like women who are taller, smarter, older, richer and more beautiful than me)

I continue to look at him, thinking... Is this how your life is going to end? So what if you were rich before... So what if many women have chased after you... So what if you were successful... Now lying in bed, money squandered, the women you have been in the past are not by your bedside, success is in the past. Children are exasperated by your behaviour because they think you are acting and creating trouble to get money for your mistress.

Sometimes my grandfather reminds me of my Dad, will it be the same ending? Lying in bed... Children and wife disappointed... I look at my Dad... I think of myself... Life as you know it could be the same......

Too many things to read

2010-06-13T22:09:00.005+08:00

You know how women have the guilty (or not guilty) pleasure of buying lots of shoes, bags, clothes, earrings, or painting your nails at riduculous prices which no one will notice etc... You know the "buy lots of things but seldom use them" kind of things. Oh yah... Painting nails does not fall into this category...

Actually I too have a guilty pleasure in this category which is books. I love to buy books and hog them, even keep textbooks, I buy books just like how women buy shoes. You buy a lot but seldom wore them. In my case, with a little difference, I do read them but I don't finish reading.

Sometimes, I buy a book and I could just read a few pages and forget to read it again. The reason is not that I lost interest in the book, the reason is that there are too many things to read! Imagine reading newspapers, textbooks (if you are studying), magazines that you subscribed, your emails newsletters, library books that you borrowed and books that you have bought. Including the normal life that you are leading, like spending time with people, that don't really leave a lot of time for reading everything...

I saw this book review on The Shallows by Nicholas Carr (maybe I should buy it), what it writes about is how internet has change the way our brain think. It has make us less focus and introspective because now there is too much information. We are now skimming through information instead of digesting it and focusing on a topic at a time. I always felt it is a waste not to be able to have enough time to think and read well.

Maybe when I have decided to take a year rest from work, I can finally finish reading all the books I have bought. Or maybe after that I should become a librarian, so that I can have access to all the knowledge that I want. Or maybe I should think about why I want to read about so many stuff......

Back to My Normal Life?

2010-05-28T02:08:00.006+08:00

Finally my exams are over... Being cope at home and studying for exams nearly drive me nuts. I always thought I am someone who can stay at home and do my own stuff, my personality test is right, I am a extraverted person who needs to draw (or suck) energy from people...

During the time of being cope up at home for 2 weeks, it suddenly dawn on me that I miss my friends and I actually have not met any group of friends for 2 and a half months (excluding the friends I made on course) because of studies and work. It dawn on me when I was eating alone at a food court near my house...

If you realised that I have been using Facebook more often than before, it is because it helps me to stay connected to the outside world... You should try only going to a few places for weeks... Home... Office... Oglivy Centre...Home... Office... Ogilvy Centre... Then exams period... Home... Foodcourt... SIM... Home Foodcourt... SIM... If you can stand it, then you must be an introvert or your foodcourt must really sell good food...

I felt so cope up even when taking the bus and train going to Orchard after exams yesterday, I felt suffocated, stuck and want to get out quickly for fresh breath. When I finally reach Somerset... It was a breath of fresh seeing crowd, vibrancity (not sure got this word but can invent yay), lights, buildings, shops...

Studies are over for now... Time to think about other important things... Like where should I eat tomorrow besides that foodcourt downstairs...

What You Have VS How You Compare To Others

2010-04-25T18:01:00.003+08:00

An excerpt from the blog below. How people look at their life in terms of relative size (how you compare to others) instead of absoulute size (what you have)... Think about it... Are you in this trap...

http://sgbluechip.blogspot.com/2010/04/is-singapore-really-that-bad.html

"Robert H. Frank, professor of economics at Cornell University, says that most people find the first option more attractive. When it comes to salaries, we care more about relative size than absolute size. What matters most is earning more than our neighbours.

The same holds true for all sorts of things. The actual size of our apartment matters less than its size compared to everyone else's. And most of us will settle for a modest car - provided our neighbour is driving something worse.

It is a sobering thought. We assume that getting a pay rise, or moving into a new apartment, or trading-up to a better car will bring us increased levels of happiness and satisfaction. In fact, many of us simply raise the bar on what counts as adequate.

We work longer hours, earn more, spend more and consume more. Meanwhile, everyone else does the same. So, by comparison, we are no better off, and therefore no happier.

How true?"

Pineapple TODAY & TOMORROW 6th Edition

2010-04-13T22:30:00.013+08:00

I have decide to revamp the name again. I mean since I don't even know when I am going to publish the next edition, it could be today, tomorrow or never... So might as well write about what I want to write today and what I want to write tomorrow right... Sounds logical? No?

Initially I thought of writing it daily so that I can empty all the brain rubbish, then I think maybe weekly is better, then bi-weekly, then monthly, then half-yearly or yearly? Maybe irregularly is a better timeline. You see why must newspapers and magazines be publish at fixed intervals? Imagine a newspaper that you can never guess when it is coming out and you are always looking out for it.

Since all great companies has a motto like Google's "Don't be evil", mine shall be "Don't be stupid"... Fitting for a great newspaper like Pineapple Times, TODAY, TODAY & TOMORROW whatever past names it has...

Ok read those sections that interest you... It will help you in life... Really...

Pineapple TODAY & TOMORROW

Earth News

Like all respectable newspapers, I think we should have a World News Section. I am naming it Earth News since reporting about news around the world is the same as talking about Earth. I think reporting about world news shows the depth about our newspaper... Let me see what I can report about today......... Ok let me go and read other newspapers and come back to this section again...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Ridiculous Dreams

You must be wondering what a Ridiculous Dreams Section in a newspaper is for, as the name suggest ridiculous dreams I have. I mean every newspaper can do with a useless section, if you don't believe just flip at the newspaper in your country. I am going to start dumping my brain rubbish...

Today I dreamt of stuffing a bird with a long beak into a plastic bag in a waste paper basket. After wrapping the long beak bird in a plastic bag, I knocked the bag onto a hard surface to make it unconscious. Next I realise the bird was walking out of the plastic bag and breaking into pieces of clay. The end.

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

For the Love of Pineapple Tat & Women Weekly

I have decided to combine both sections from previous editions, I think the topics of love and women should come together. Maybe I should add in a money column too... Love... Women... Money... Hmmm sounds familiar...

Last Saturday, my classmate Mr Sichuan, who is from China told me that he thought Singaporean women expects their other half to earn at least 6,000 (no, not in RMB) a month. I thought where did he heard it from... I hope its true because I have a Singaporean girlfriend...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Believe Me I am in Advertising...

Well... This section is about the industry I am in... Believe me I am going to sleep now... However true to my last revamp promise here is a sexy model for you......

Corresondent: Pineapple Tat

The Third Party

2010-04-11T12:29:00.006+08:00

Ms K told me that she dreamt of a third party in our lives. She saw the girl approached her and wanted to tell her about 'us'. I intercepted and held both the girl's hands and pull her to one side telling her that I have not told her about 'us' yet... Strangely in real life, I think I will just pretend that I don't know who that person is and assume she is a crazy woman...

The next thing is that Ms K said she could see the third party clearly. She describe her as short and someone from my class. I hope this third party is beautiful and rich... Beautiful, for no reason... Rich, so that I can stop working and retire... Plus it would be good if she can drive and cook too... These are important skills, so that she can drive me anywhere I want to go and eat whatever I thought of... (Ok I am dreaming...)

Anyway I didn't ask for more details because I didn't think she existed... Until Ms K told me she even knew her name... It really made me sit up... I said 'who'? Her name she said is called Erdinger... I think I have met her somewhere before......

I Think...

2010-03-23T00:11:00.003+08:00

I think I am old...

I feel tired...

I have so many things to read...

I have so many things to write...

I have so many thoughts...

I have so many things to think... Many more to figure out...

School... Work... Relationships... Money... Friends...

I just want to stop moving... Time stay still... Sun don't rise... Or don't set...

... I think ... I think... And I think... I think I need to sleep......

Pineapple TODAY 5th edition

2010-02-25T23:43:00.005+08:00

I have decided to revamp The Pineapple Times into Pineapple TODAY. I am not sure what is there to revamp but all newspaper revamp once in a while, new look, new content, new price. Even FHM revamp themselves. Maybe I should add some sexy pictures inside here. Of course being the chief editor, journalist, columnist and correspondent, I will gladly hold the post of chief artistic creative photographer... Now for some sexy models for the revamp... Woohoo!!

Pineapple TODAY

Lunch with Ms Pooh

If there are no weekends in a week, I would be having lunch with Ms Pooh everyday. Strangely, when we were in the same school 10 years ago, we had lunch in the canteen but never share our thoughts as much as we had now. Maybe because there were Mr Alien, Mr Sun, Mr Nose, Mr Weird Tiger and Ms Pikachu, so attention was split among everyone.

Everyday at lunch there seem to be some topic of discussion, usually about life (what else?). Today she suddenly made me realise what is EQ. She say that someone with high EQ is someone "who can control their own emotions". Someone who can control what they say and how they feel. This is a simple concept that I did not realise.

Today we also talk about the topic on sleeping (yes we talk about mundane thingys), I told her that my friend Ms Piggy seems to be able to sleep practically in any situation, in the class, in the cab, in the theatre, in the bar, while sitting... Ms Pooh concluded that she must have high EQ because she can control where she sleeps.

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Oh yah... Forgot to put the photos of the sexy models...

Chief Artistic Creative Photographer: Pineapple Tat

The Talented Mr Pineapple Tat

2010-02-09T22:22:00.002+08:00

"Everyone is talented, its whether your talent can help you make money or not... If sleeping is a talent, I would have make lots of money..." (Ms Sim's husband).

A lot of times, we thought being talented means being successful. A man can be talented in making origami but does not make as much money as someone who is talented in numbers, who can make lots of money from the stock market. If the right talent is in the right job, that person will be more successful. Certain talents are more suited for commercial success, others are more suitable for leisure success like sleeping.

A lot times, we thought being smart means making lots of money. A smart man can choose not to make as much money, so as not to be too stress or to attract trouble that money brings with it. It includes unwanted attention from materialistic women, friends who are with you for your generiosity and envy from enemies.

I always thought women like talented men. When I was young, I asked my first girlfriend what she liked about me... She said nothing, look out of the bus window and smile. I asked another girlfriend what my talent is... She thought for while... And then told me that I will find my talent soon. I asked Ms K what she liked about me and my good points... She told me my good point is that I don't mind that she is fat. Then she asked me what I liked about her, I told her I like her because she don't mind that I am ugly...

I always tell people man are created to walk that is why I am fine that I can't swim, cycle, rollerblade and drive a plane (plus a car and anything with wheels). So I can only participate in a monothlon and not a triathlon because out of running, cycling and swimming, I can only do one.

Ok so if I have no talent and women still like me (including my mother and grandmother), does it mean women like talentless man like me? I believe so.... Here is why, all little girls dream of marrying a prince yay... Since there are no perfect man in the world or rather the dream guy doesn't really exist, isn't it better to pick someone who is like a blank sheet of paper and mold into what you want. If not, pick someone who has lots of flaws and change him from there, that is quite an achievement too. Will you give up something that you have put in lots of effort in?

I am still not sure what I am good in and what my talents are, so I am going to organized a writing competition and the composition will be "Talented Mr Pineapple Tat". Write in less than 100 words what you think Mr Pineapple Tat's talents are. Winners will win a free autograph from me......

Otherwise

2010-02-08T20:00:00.006+08:00

I realised I have not listen to the radio for some time. I found out that I can focus on my school work better without background music. I used to thought otherwise...

I have many books I want to read but there are so many things to read plus my texbooks. Speed reading through something seem like shortchanging yourself. When I was younger, I believe you have to read a book from page 1 to the last in the correct order. As I grew older, I thought otherwise... Now I skip pages and read the parts that I like.

When I had western food in the past, I used to finish all the side dishes like the coleslaw, french fries and baked beans and left the meat till the last to be enjoyed. Now I thought otherwise... Now I enjoy all my food altogether, a bit of meat here, a bite of fries there, a scoop of baked beans and a taste of coleslaw.

When I just started work, I wanted to be successful and to have accomplishments. Along the way, I see people cry, I see people go into depression, I see people argue, I see people doing petty acts, I see people disrespect other people, I see people fight, I see people torture people, I see people gossip, I see myself participating... Now I thought otherwise... These people lead an unhappy life and success comes in many definitions, not the title you have on your namecard, in your email, the money you earned, how much you can do or what you can do. In the end, what people can offer is a "well done".

I am someone who is afraid of dying... Ain't most of us? Now I thought otherwise... If you believe you will go to heaven after your mortal life has passed, isn't dying a better option than living on this crappy earth where there are wars and natural disasters, you have to work to live, you will fall sick, you will feel sad when bad things happen because we all have emotions.

Does it dawn to you that these are all true? Or did you thought otherwise......

6 Features of Academic Writing

2010-01-30T00:54:00.004+08:00

One of the units that I am taking in University is The Critique and Evalaution of Discourse. I don't exactly know what it means, basically it is to teach you to think and write critically and in a academical way. No I don't know what academical means too...

But I do know how to apply its principle, here is how it works, the 6 features of academic writing with true examples are (drum roll please...),

1. Context - Summarize arguments
"I am think I am handsome." (Short and sweet argument)

2. Thesis - Make a bold claim
" I AM handsome." (That's pretty bold isn't it)

3. Navigation - Guide readers to your claim
"I am handsome just look at me!" (See I have provided directional guide)

4. Evidence - Give support to your claim
"I am handsome because I have a girlfriend." (Very good evidence, I can't think of a better one)

5. Counter argument - It's called concessionary refutation, which means you bring in a oppose view to provide both sides of a story and then refute it... Something like that.
"My guy friend say I am ugly but wait... I have a girlfriend and he doesn't, he is the ugly one..." (This is a good shot)

6. Conclusion - Basically a summary
"I am handsome!"

Easy? You can do it too... Next up I want to talk about is common fallacies which mean logical mistakes in reasoning. I think the first one is circular reasoning... Hey wait... I think I will write this another time......

1st Day @ School

2010-01-30T00:14:00.003+08:00

Back to school again. I realised I have been studying for most of my life. In fact I have been studying for 81.48148148148% of my life at the age of 27. Here is how it is counted,

2 years of Kindergarden
6 years of Primary School
4 years of Secondary School
4 years of Centralised Institute
1 year of University (Banking & Finance - Not my cup of tea)
2 years of Diploma (Advertising & Design - Advertising works for me, not design, anything to do with technical and maths are not even my cup of soya bean. If I live during stone age, most likely I will be a gatherer.)
And now another 3-4 years in University (it really depends how I choose my units)

That would be a minimum of 22 years of education... That is pretty educated for anyone huh... Ok after completing my degree... I shall call myself Dr Pineapple Tat...

3 Decades of Nothingness

2010-01-25T23:04:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year!!........ Oh... It's already 25 Jan...

Ok Happy January!!

3 decades of my life has almost pass... Are we just going through the motion of life... Sleep, eat, work and play... Look forward to something like an event, birthday, holiday, meet up and soon these will pass... These are experiential stuff which some we can remember and some we can't. If we do these things but we forgot about them, should we do it at all?

Can you remember what you eat last Wednesday? Where you go 2 Saturdays ago? What you said to a friend 3 Sundays ago? Remember how you celebrate your first birthday?

I think I will forget that I have written this post after 2 months or after it is being buried by other posts. I always think it is good to have a short memory, so you will become more forgiving. However if we forget, we will not learn our lesson...

If you think this post make no sense... You maybe right... And I will definitely be right that you will forget about this...

When We Were Young And Forgotten Memories...

2009-12-20T22:19:00.010+08:00

I wanted to do my work or research on investments but then I decided that this is more important...

This afternoon I decided to take out this box which I have kept for many years... I can't remember for how long and they contain the memories I shared with Ms K... You see as humans, we sometimes forget if not most of the times...

As I went to took out the box, I found this picture... and then I remember this is my favourite picture with Ms K... Thank you God that it is still with me...

Sometimes we forget that the most important things are actually with us... and that we already possess it... We keep pursuing our dreams of an ideal career, doing what we like, travelling around the world, climbing the corporate ladder, doing a great job, gain fame, make a name, being popular... In the midst of these, it has blinded us... We can see but we don't look... We can hear but we don't listen... We are told but we don't understand...

We have forgotten God, the creator... We have forgotten our parents, who brought us up... We have forgotten our love, the person who love you... We have forgotten to spend time on things that is important... Making money is important you might say... You are right... But I am sure Tiger Woods would give up his money to be with his wife and kids, and to keep those 14, 15 or 16 women away from him... Those women didn't love him, I am sure he didn't love them too... Then why spend time with people whom you don't love and people who don't love you?

In the chaotic world of grabbing more wealth... so that we can live in a bigger house... fly to farway countries... eat expensive meals... remember all these problems or desires can be solve when you realise that you don't need them...

When you were young, you didn't need these... So don't forget...

The Golden Mile and Beach

2009-11-19T19:19:00.003+08:00

My office is in between 3 Golden Miles... Golden Mile Complex... Golden Mile Tower and Golden Mile Food Centre (opposite) forming the Golden Mile Triangle... I am sure this is a coincidental formation and have no idea if it is auspicious or not.

I am not sure where or why the words 'Golden Mile' orginated from, when the stretch of road in front of us is named Beach Road. I mean we should go with the easy name of Beach Complex, Beach Tower and Beach Food Centre. Wait... Why is the road called Beach Road when there is no Beach around??

I am very sure it is named Golden Mile for a very good reason, the buildings around my office were named as such maybe because it sits on a used gold mine about one mile radius... Maybe one day I will stumble on some gold nuggets... Maybe... Oh the answer is here...

infopedia.nl.sg/articles/SIP_889_2004-12-23.html

Not Just Do It But What To Do

2009-11-19T18:50:00.009+08:00

Do you often have the thought of what to do with your life?

As you move along life, maybe drifting... floating... Or flying...

You earn lots of money but have no one to share your success with...

You thought of other people as incapable and they think the same of you...

You sit in a high position and people are afraid of you but your child is sick...

You compare, you compete, you backstab, you plot, you carry balls, you lied, no one likes you and what did you get...

In the end... When God comes to take your life... the achievements... the money... the house... the company... nothing... nothing can be carry with you... Pity those people who struggle internally to sustain achievements but have no real joy... Pity those people who thought they have won but have lose... Pity those people that struggle daily to keep their status... Pity those people who in the end wanted to achieve happiness the wrong way...

Are you one of them...

ABCD ENTP

2009-10-15T23:29:00.012+08:00

In case you think I did not pass my kindergarden, I do know my ABCDs. I know that the alphabet 'F' comes after 'E'. To prove that I pass my kindergarden I am going to recite all the 24 alphabets to you... Or is it 26... Anyway I am sure we can all live without 2 alphabets in our language...

I am sure almost everybody loves to do personality test, despite knowing myself for almost 27 years, I still can't figure myself out... So Ms Poots recommended me to take the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). So to take the test, go here... It's simple, you only need to answer 300 questions...

www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/

Actually only 60 plus questions...

Ok after you do the test, you will get 4 magical alphabets, here is how it works, you are either

(E)xtrovert or (I)ntrovert
(S)ensing or i(N)tuitive
(T)hinking or (F)eeling
(J)udging or (P)erceiving

Here is a sample of my result... As you can see it also recommends suitable careers for you... I knew I was in the wrong job!

I should have been an international spy assassin... Look at what keeps popping up... International spy, fbi agent, cia agent, assassin, fighter pilot, private detective etc... I am James Bond yay...

Looking at my overall personality as a ENTP, I am sure Ms K will agree that I am disorganized, insensitive, messy, careless, crazy and acts without thinking... But I must say that these are all not true because as an ENTP, the one description that sums up the whole passage is "I am just carefree"...

The Village and a Bowl of Crappy Soup 1

2009-09-28T20:42:00.008+08:00

Once upon a time, there was a great village chief who has a strange habit. The strange habit is to gather all the villagers every Monday morning to discuss on how to cook soup. You see, the village actually sells soup for a living, thus we pay utmost attention to it. Cooking soup is not easy and we have dedicated the art of cooking soup for more than 100 years. It is a tedious process and you will see why...

So every Monday morning, the villagers, all 30 of us will sit around a oval table. And then we will go through something call 'Minutes'. It is a detailed ancient historical record of who say what and what say who. I never quite understand why it was called 'Minutes' when the soup meeting actually took 'Hours'. I mean you need time to cook the soup right?

Every now and then the great village chief will ask around the oval table on what we should do with our lives, sorry I meant what new soup we should cook. That's because we have been selling the same vegetable soup for more than 100 years, yes it has make lots of money for the village but we need to cook up something new for whatever reason...

The village chief one day finally decides to put a big black pot in the middle of the table. Being an inclusive leader, she wants all the villagers to contribute to the whole soup cooking process. There is nothing more that she likes than to discuss cooking soup thoroughly because everyone has to love it! Being dedicated to soup making, the great village chief divided the villagers into the following,

1. Cooking Soup Team
- They are the ones that cook the soup
2. Packaging Soup Team
- They decides things as simple as the type of bowl to hold the soup
3. Analysing Soup Team
- They analyse things like how many litres of soup were sold in a day
4. Soup Distribution Team
- They think of new ways to bring the soup to you like a soup dispensing machine

To be Continue...

How to find a girlfriend

2009-09-23T21:42:00.009+08:00

I actually wanted to do my work... But as I stare at my computer screen I decided not to do my work because there is always tomorrow... And as I stare at the screen, I thought to myself, why don't I writing something constructive like "How to find a girlfriend?" If you think it's all personal opinion, then you are wrong because it is back up by solid research by accident...

As I am talking to Mr Zidane on MSN, he told me most of his colleagues at his workplace are in their 30s and there are no members of the opposite sex. His expression is "sian"... Have you ever had this feeling of "where are all the female species?" I know you are looking for them but do you know they are also looking for you? The trick is to know where are they congregating (not sure the meaning of this word but it matches the sentence).

Back to the solid research by accident... One fine day we were at a food court in Orchard, Ms Lily told Ms Piggy that there is a dating event "Scavenger hunt @ the zoo which costs $25". Ms Lily wanted to join but couldn't, so Ms Piggy asked another friend to join her. Lo & behold, the event was full and they searched for other dating activities at SDU. The female slots were full but the strange thing was, each event still has vancancies for male participants!

Conclusion: Demand for men exceeds demand for women

Next solid research by accident... One fine day again, as I was working in office (ok who is not working in office), a female colleague Ms Bubbles who is bubbly and attractive walk past my desk. Then she turn around (probably she found true love) and spoke to me. Somehow the conversation turn to a dating event she joined, guess what, it is the dating event "Scavenger hunt @ the zoo which costs $25". I looked at her in surprise, how can such an attractive lady be joining a dating event? Impossible... Incredible... But it's true. Next is a shocking revelation, she say the guys at dating event usually cannot make it but the girls are usually not bad... Ok you must be thinking "Singapore girls has high expectations". Don't go into this debate, I want you to concentrate on "at dating events......the girls are usually not bad".

Conclusion: Women at dating events are not bad and most of them are congregating there!

So the first thing I want you to do is to join any dating activity... Go out and give other people the opportunity to know you exist in this world, give others a chance to know you...

A New Beginning

2009-09-21T20:12:00.004+08:00

I stared at the computer screen and decided that I should clear the cobwebs on my blog by just typing anything. October will be a new start... Maybe any day can be a new start to our lives... Why not make it now...

Indifference

2009-05-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

What I want to attain...

Despair

2009-05-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

say...

Delusions

2009-05-19T23:13:00.001+08:00

can I say...

Demotivation

2009-05-19T23:11:00.001+08:00

What more can I say...

Failure

2009-05-19T23:10:00.002+08:00

What occurs after non-compromise...

Compromise

2009-05-19T23:06:00.002+08:00

What did not transpire after blame...

Blame

2009-05-19T23:04:00.002+08:00

What unfolds after challenges...

Challenges

2009-05-19T22:59:00.001+08:00

What happen after trouble...

Trouble

2009-05-19T22:56:00.000+08:00

What I smell after problems...

Problems

2009-05-19T22:54:00.002+08:00

What I realised after doubt...

Doubt

2009-05-19T22:50:00.004+08:00

What I experienced after cluelessness...

Cluelessness

2009-05-19T22:46:00.004+08:00

What I felt after coming out of meetings...

Meetings

2009-05-19T22:29:00.005+08:00

What I hate most now...

When You Feel Like Quitting Your Job

2009-05-17T17:53:00.004+08:00

If you are depress over work, and every morning when you are at the bus stop or train station thinking that you have an imaginary stomachache or headache, feel like jumping onto the train tracks or into the path of anything mechanical gigantic... Watch this video. No need to see a doctor or counsellor, just watch this video 3 times a day and each time after your meals... It should help.

So when you like quitting your job, just watch this video because it could have been worse...

That's My FairPrice!

2009-05-10T03:56:00.009+08:00

I was on MSN and I saw Veran posted a comment beside his name, "FairPrice Girl wanna challenge Singapore Girl man!" Took a look and realised what he meant in the following website http://www.thatsmyfairprice.com.sg/index.html#/movie-quiz

Come to think of it, I have worked part time at NTUC FairPrice 3 times. Each time it was during my break. 1st time was after my O Level, 2nd time was after my A Level and the 3rd time was after my national service. Each time I was in a different department - Grocery (1st time), Fresh Food (2nd time) and Cashiering & Frozen Food (3rd time). The only department I haven't been to is Non-Food department, if you are wondering what non-food is, one example is sanitary pad.

I know it looks like I am destined for great things in the supermarket line by working in almost every department from carrying huge bags of rice to weighing vegetables. Looking at the TV commercial, bring back memories of the aunties I have worked with. There were some nice aunties and the not so nice ones. After my third stint in one of the rural branches, I told myself I should try something new.

Through my three stints with NTUC FairPrice, I was proud enough to feature these experiences in my resume when I was looking for my first full time job. Though I am not sure how much it helped me but I pretty much would like to show that I learn to work when I was young. So young people, listen to uncle and find a part time job during your holidays, it will help you in life... I think...

Going through my memories again, I can't recall seeing that girl in the TV commercial in any of the branches I have worked in. I must call up my ex-employers and asked which branch she is working in. Because her teeth is so white that I really want to ask her which brand of toothpaste she is using (ok I want to have whiter teeth).

If they start employing sweet young staff like that girl in the commercial, well then that's my fairprice and I am going to do window grocery shopping more often...

The Village

2009-04-28T22:49:00.010+08:00

Long long ago, far far away... Ok actually just one year ago, I left a town to stay in a village. The first time I step into this village, everyone looks normal however as time goes by, I realised it is a strange village and the villagers are actually crazy...

The strange thing about this village is that the villagers here love to gather together to cook soup. In these meetings, we will have this big black pot of water where everyone starts throwing ingredients into it and start cooking together. Since there are many chefs, the soup usually takes a long time to cook and taste awful. Each chef would always blame the other chefs for not cooking it well. But when the soup tastes good, everyone would claim that they are the chef that cooks it. Of course since the soup has been cooked, we will always have to drink it. But each time when we drank the soup, we came out in confusion...

The next strange thing about this village is that we have weekly visitation from witch doctors who are always trying to sell us all kinds of potions. According to the village, we are suppose to tell them our illness and seek a cure from them even if we are not sick (prevention is better than cure). I heard that every 2 years, there will be a village festival where we invite witch doctors from around the world to show us their latest creation. These witch doctors will present to us different coloured potions in various bottle shapes they made. As usual, all witch doctors promise us if we drank their potions, we will gain longevity, health, happiness, strength etc...

Despite all these strange occurences, the village folks are actually friendly and humble people but acted crazily in varying degrees. At first, I did not understand why, so I went to investigate and interviewed some villagers. Some of them in their occasional normal selfs, pointed out to me it was because of this well in the village which was poisoned...

It was then that I understood that the poison well is the cause of the villagers' illness and I stop drinking from it and the soup everyone cooks. As sane people don't drink from a poison well, why are people still staying in village? I am not quite sure why but if you want to stay in the village, you have 2 basic choices, one is to drink from the poison well like everyone else or risk accusation of being crazy (to crazy people, a normal person is crazy) or two, to leave the village. There is actually a third choice that is don't drink from the poison well but you have to act crazy, however you will become thirsty...

Recently in the village, I stumbled upon a little shrine next to the tiger's cave where a wise woman lives. She told the villagers that they are crazy and tried to treat them, however the crazy villagers told her that she is the one that is crazy and refused treatment. She was disheartened but kept trying to treat as many villagers as possible.

I visited her a few times for consultation, as she came from the city, she often told me wonderful stories of the outside world and what you can find in the city. Of course, like all wise women, they will choose to leave one day...

As much as I would like to tell you more about this village, I am starting to feel thirsty......

MCYS 'Funeral' TVC

2009-04-04T22:32:00.004+08:00

A TVC to tell singles to go beyond waiting for the perfect partner. This TVC attempts to tell the story that in every relationship, there will be flaws and imperfections. And we should embrace these little flaws in our relationships...

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_358952.html

Meaningless Rantings & Marketing Terms

2009-03-28T13:55:00.006+08:00

Have you ever had the feeling of not knowing what to do with yourself? Suddenly realising that you have a conscious and you are alive, you thought "what am I doing here?". Leading an existence makes you wonder how you are going to 'spend' your life. Sounds very commodity and utility like how you are going to spend your money and how you are going to make your coffee -Cappucino, Kopi O or Expresso. And if you still don't know what I am talking about, ignorance is bliss or is it...

The following is totally unrelated to the first paragraph...

Marketing, Advertising, Sales and Public Relations are all under the same family. As much as the professionals tell you they are different, they have one ultimate aim - Make money. Thats all. Some say advertising is sales in disguise, some say marketing is sales, what about branding and public relations? It's also sales, how? Branding is to create good impression so that you will prefer to buy 'me' versus other products. Public Relations? It's to get free publicity so that you don't have to pay for it compare to advertising.

Before I write more and this becomes a textbook, let me introduce you to terms we usually use to describe our work and achievements,

1. You do a marketing activity (ie.promotion) and you realise no money was made or lost, you called it a Defensive Strategy.

2. Before you do a marketing activity (ie.promotion) with a partner and you know you are likely to lose money, you called it a Strategic Relationship.

3. You a do a marketing activity and you increase revenue but lose profit, you called it Market Penetration or Market Growth.

4. You realised you have put money to endorse or sponsor something and it is a waste of money and time, you called it Branding.

Most importantly always emphasize that marketing doesn't make money or marketing effects can only be seen in the long term and not immediate. This should buy you some time...

The Pineapple Times 4th Edition

2009-03-05T21:18:00.006+08:00

I realised the last time I wrote for The Pineapple Times was in 17 August 2008. 6 months 16 days later I am back... I am the editor, the correspondent, the reporter and the columnist. This online paper was started for the purpose of helping people and unlike Today Online (a free newspaper offline + online), I don't believe in working for free. So if you still have conscience after reading The Pineapple Times, you should start to:

1. Open your CD-Rom
2. Slot in your credit card
3. Close your CD-Rom
4. A pop up screen appears so key in your pin
5. If it doesn't appear, no need to repeat step one
6. Just buy me lunch or dinner in kind... Times are bad...

Ok read those sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...

The Pineapple Times

Money Matters
This morning I was early for work because there is a very early meeting, I guess it is God's will that I have this early meeting (though it was cancel in the end) because I met a ex school mate who is a regional analyst for light bulbs. He told me that year on year export for China has fallen by 80%. I have yet to verify this.

He mention that China is the world factory and it really means the world economy is not doing well since demand for export has fallen. Before I sound too economics, follow me on this especially the ladies. Since there is so much uncertainties, like the current job market, stock market and fish market, people will be hoarding cash because it is the safest...

When the economy recovers and with so many cash in the market plus all the stimulus packages and injections, the market will be flooded with cash and then there will be hyper inflation... Which means in future, prices of goods will increase very rapidly.

So what does this mean? It means that the best time to spend is now! There are sales everywhere now because people are not spending and hoarding cash. So isn't this the best time to shop?? Basically the world is on sale, so buy all the stuff you need now... I am going to buy a lifetime supply of toilet paper, there is no expiry date and everyone needs to use it right, imagine the savings I get...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

For The Love Of Pineapple Tat
Many women asked me this question many times, I am not sure why. Probably they knew that this kind of thing will happen to me sooner or later. Perhaps it had happened to me but I didn't realise. So what is the question that I have always been asked,

"What will you do when a woman throw herself at you?"

Well if you have never been asked this question, don't fret because when you have a girlfriend, I am sure she will ask you. And if your girlfriend doesn't ask you, don't be sad, most probably she has underestimated you.

Let me teach you how to answer the above question, you should counter it with something like,

1. "Why would a woman throw herself at me?" (Rating: Good, you diffuse tension)
2. "I am neither rich nor handsome, why would a woman throw herself at me?" (Rating: Excellent because you criticised yourself)
3. "I love you."
(Rating: Good, cheap trick but useful)

Besides the above excuses, usually they will follow up with,

"Are you sure that you won't want a woman who throw herself at you. It's free and you don't want? You men are cheap."

You may answer with the following answers,

1. "Yes I am cheap." (Rating: Good, this will make sure she never ask you again)
2. "I don't like women." (Rating: No good, she won't believe you, if she does, she will think you don't love her. Double edged sword)
3. "I am scare of STD" (sexually transmitted disease) (Rating: Excellent, this one is practical and sound more honest, means you admit you are a cheap man with no guts)

Then it will come with a third question,

"What if the woman strip in front of you? Can you resist that?"

You only need to answer with one answer, which is,

"Why would I get myself into that kind of situation in the first place? Allowing her to strip in front of me. If she can do that, it means that we are alone together in a room." (Rating: Superb, killer answer)

After the third question, and with that killer answer, you will regain a newfound respect among your female friends, girlfriend(s), wife / wives and the female race...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Memories and I wonder how everyone is doing

2009-02-23T00:08:00.007+08:00

Today I attended my ex-girlfriend's wedding whom I met at secondary school, we kept in touch somehow and I can't exactly remember how after losing touch for some time, we met again.

On Valentine's Day, I met another ex-girlfriend (also from my secondary school) on the street at Doby Ghaut, she was holding a guy's hand, I didn't say hi to her though because we don't really keep in touch and I am not sure if she still hates me.

One day I was queuing up to go into a cafe and saw a girl I once liked (when I just started work). I spoke to her and ask how she was and engage in polite talk. Different from last time where we can talk about anything.

Sometimes you wonder how those people who have crossed your path, walked with you in the journey of life for a while even if it is only for a few months, how they are now and what they are doing.

Not that you miss them but rather sometimes mattters wasn't closed properly and you wonder why it ended, why it just didn't happen or what could have happened.

Ms K asked me at the wedding whether I was feeling sour hearted when the groom wasn't me (one of the tests she always put me through). Of course I wasn't, that was like 13 years ago when I was 14 years old. The next test girlfriends usually put you through is by mentioning that memories of your first girlfriend is always the sweetest. Naturally, we would have to testify it's not and explain why.

And talking about memories... Last Friday, I went to Bellini at Clarke Quay and drank too much whisky. Ms K (very sweet of her) sent me home. Next morning, she asked me "Do you remember how many girls you hug that night?" I think only 2, or is it 3......

A Broken Heart Story

2009-01-25T20:32:00.010+08:00

Every morning I woke up cursing... Every night I cry when I think of her before I sleep...

It was one year ago when I met her through a mutual friend. She is a fashion designer and like all designers, she has a fashionable and attractive look.

2 weeks after we met, she asked me out on a date. I cannot believe it because I have been single for 24 years (ok I am 24 years old) and suddenly an attractive girl asked me out. Of course I agreed. We usually went out two times a week. There was one time she asked,

She: "Oei... How come I am the one always asking you out? Can't you ask me out once?"
Me: "Can. But since it is so predictable when you are asking me out, then I just wait for you to ask."

One day, when I was sending her home, she told me that she does not want to go home early and I suggested sitting at the playground near her house. We sat side by side and then she lay her head on my shoulder. It was a warm feeling and she was the first girl to lie on my shoulder.
She told me about her abusive boyfriend and how bad he was to her. That day she lie on my shoulder for hours and in my heart I hope this feeling doesn't end...

We have knew each other for 2 months when one day I suggested we go to the beach. We were strolling along the beach when we saw this viewing tower on a little island. To reach there we have to cross a drop bridge which connect the beach to the little island. She suggested we both go up to the top of the tower which was five stories tall. When we reach the top, there was no one...

The view was beautiful with the vast sea in sight and many passing ships. However I wasn't interested in the view, I was interested in the beautiful creature in front of me... We sat down and she lay her head on my shoulder again. This time she doesn't talk to me about her boyfriend. We sat there for 10 minutes and then she turn her head towards me smiling, her head still on my shoulder.

She: "Have you kiss a girl before?"
Me: "No... Do you want to be the first one?"

She moved her head and kiss me on my lips deeply and it dawns on me that this is my first kiss. It has gone to this beautiful creature in front of me... And it will be a kiss I never forget...

Soon after we held hands when we go out and at every opportunity when there was no one around, we will steal kisses with each other. The kisses were hot and passionate, understandable for a young man like me and it was my first relationship.

However our relationship was never open, it was not featured in our social networking profile like facebook or friendster. Her boyfriend was seldom mentioned and to me he was non existent because if she still likes him, she would not go out with me, I consider that as silent break. And as to why our relationship was not an open one, I am not concern as long as we are together...

One day, while we were out sitting opposite each other in a cafe. I remember it was raining that day and she was looking out of the window. Suddenly she said to me that she couldn't forget her ex-boyfriend and wants to go back to him. Upon hearing this, I was heart broken... She told me she likes me but she didn't love me.

What do you mean by that? If you didn't love me, why would you let me hold your hands, kiss you on your lips, touch your body and let me hug you. I couldn't understand... I couldn't comprehend what is happening... It was our fifth month of knowing each other.

2 weeks later, she called me to say she missed me and wants to come back to me. I was happy and thought that she finally knows who she truly loves. We were back together again. 1 month later, she left me again...

This time she went back to her ex-boyfriend for good. The 2nd time she not only smash my already broken heart into more pieces but also left me with no confidence of a 2nd relationship. I was totally fooled by this woman. This time she told me she was not good enough for me and that she is a player. She usually choose guys who have been in relationship before and not first timers like me.

I don't understand why she chose to go back to her abusive boyfriend when she keeps complaining about him and telling me how bad he treats her. I deleted her away from all my social networking tools like facebook and friendster. She kept smsing me and instant messaging me. I told her to leave me alone and block her on msn. Don't wish to see her again...

The End......?

And So It Was Like That

2009-01-25T19:53:00.005+08:00

I think that life's greatest joy is to not do anything at all... Idling away is an ideal situation in an ideal world. I have many stories to tell yet sometimes I am either lazy to write or don't know can write or not...

Have been quite depress lately, not sure if it's my persistent cough that is bothering me, my backache that is bothering me, not enough sleep is bothering me or the huge amount of gas in my tummy that is bothering me... In anyway, I am not in tip top condition, I think being super healthy is important.

Mr Tomato ask me to join him for a trip in the Philipines. He will be staying at a guest house with someone he knows. Told me it is an idle place, the pace is slow and the place relax. Sounds like a good proposition and the kind of place to retire in...

He will be flying on the 30th Jan. Not sure can apply leave on time and also got work to do. Contemplating...

Last Friday, I had bak chor mee again with Mr Tomato at Circular Road (near Boat Quay). I usually crave for it when I go drinking around that area. However, purposely made a trip there for 2 times this month just to eat that.

I know the content of the article is as ambiguous as the title and so it was like that......

Maybe...

2009-01-19T23:46:00.006+08:00

You know when you reach the age of 46, you start to wonder what you are doing with your life. You start to question your thinking, your actions, your ambitions and your life style etc. Your mind is full of questions but you do not have the answers.

No I am not 46 and I am starting to think like that at 26. Sounds like I got a mid-life crisis pretty early when I am hardly in the middle of my life. Sometimes I think and I wonder how I should I go about life. To take it easy or to take it seriously, what is the true meaning of life? I think if I continue to ponder and wonder, I will attend nirvana soon...

Sometimes I have this feeling of giving up everything and leave for the mountains, growing my own crops below the hills. Harvest the crops when the season comes (ok I don't exactly know which season). Hibernate when winter comes. (which means sleep and sleep and sleep). Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, play when you are bored. Isn't it wonderful...

Maybe I should be a philosopher, think out some quacky philosphy, spread my teachings and collect donations for being so wise and give lectures when the crowd comes to me... Or maybe an artist, sitting by the river, drawing anything beautiful that I come across including beautiful women and sell my paintings for whatever price it is worth... Or a bartender that mixed all these wonderful drinks, tossing and turning and doing all those stunts, give advice to drunk people and tell stories to whoever wants to listen...

Maybe I should just slack at home, be a loafer, go to coffee shop and hang out whole day there with a beer in hand or with a cup of coffee on the table. Maybe just lie on my bed the whole lazy afternoon and imagine what wonderful things could happen and it does not happen because I am not doing anything. Maybe its a wonderful feeling to just imagine, to just think and just let time pass... And maybe this is the best way... and maybe I am just tired......

Sleepless In Singapore

2008-12-29T19:22:00.002+08:00

I have gone 30 hours without sleep...

Of course it cannot compare with the immortals of the Subaru Challenge, where contestants go more than 80 hours without sleep to win a car. I am only a mortal, so not going without sleep for more than 10 hours is wrong... totally wrong...

I know you think that I love to sleep, it's true and that's because I don't really sleep when I sleep. That's because everytime I sleep, I dream a lot and it feels like watching a movie, very drama and meaningless. It's just like drama serial except you don't understand it.

Correction, my dreams should be consider movies because everytime I woke up from a dream and sleep back again, I dream of something different...

Imagine after a hard day at work, you go home and watch TV. After watching TV, you go back to work again. That is how I feel...

And it's no secret that Sunday is my favourite day of the week because I get to sleep the whole day. To make up for the sleep that I have lost for the week...

Take Me Away From December

2008-12-17T19:00:00.003+08:00

2 days MC wasn't what I expected...

Apparently got contagious flu flying around Singapore. Not very obvious one because the phlegm is suppose to flow inwards not out. And you are not suppose to spit it out because it will cause dehydration. Cannot drink tea, coffee, spicy food, citrus and that is all I can remember. I asked how about alcohol? Doctor hesitate for a while, of course the safe answer would be 'no'. However he says if taken with the cough mixture, will get drunk easily. So is can drink or cannot??

I feel very exhausted, stress balls (a guy from my agency describe stress this way, not sure what balls are he refering to) and poor appetite plus lots of wind in the stomach.

Not a smooth month for work too... Campaign results not good, contingency plan not approve yet, potential partnership not going through. And to think the same time last year I won a pair of tickets to New York.

Take me away from December...

About Buying A Car

2008-11-18T22:06:00.005+08:00

Recently I met Mr Hans for dinner and he told me that his female colleague advise him to invest in a car. The reason: So that he could get a girlfriend.

Throughout the years, I was told by both male and female that owning a car will help you a lot in getting girls. The theory is that a girl will be more willing to go out with you since it's convenient. You fetch her and send her home, pick her up anywhere and go out. And most importantly, it will impress her friends. (Depending on the model of the car)

Mr Hans's colleague's boyfriend actually refused to buy a car and she was pretty pissed. I suspect she is psychoing Mr Hans to buy a car, so that he can drive her out of Tuas. (Extreme West of Singapore, a place where birds will not lay eggs and dogs will not poo place) Ok this is pure speculation.

Buying a car to impress and court girls works but it is a short sighted solution. Why short sighted? Here's what happens when you get the girl with your car...

1. You are expected to send her to work
2. You are expected to fetch her from work and send her home
3. You are expected to send her mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, auntie, friends, friend's dog home
4. You must fetch her laundry
5. You must drive her to Malaysia
6. You have no excuse not to go out
7. You have to know where to have fun since you have a car
8. You have to do whatever since you have a car
9. You have to go wherever since you have a car
10. You have to do it just because you have a car

I have just given you 10 good reasons on not to have a car. Mr Han's colleague's boyfriend is pretty long sighted since he refused to buy a car. But still not long sighted enough. What do I mean by that? To be truly long sighted, the answer is DON'T GET A DRIVING LICENCE. So that your girlfriend can't be angry with you for not buying a car. Because you can't even drive! An example of a truly long sighted person is me. :)

But if you still insist on having a car because you really want that girl, then sell the car after she becomes your girlfriend...

Juice

2008-11-01T00:21:00.005+08:00

Mr Fly: "Juice..."
Pineapple Tat: "What juice?"
Mr Fly: "Neh... Juice..." (Looking sheepishly at a female figure walking past)
Pineapple Tat: "Orh... Juice ah..."

And to think he was thirsty and wanted to drink juice, he was actually describing the delicious female species. And then how does he describe the opposite of delicious?

Mr Fly: "Really cui..." ('Cui' is a chinese dialect which means "collaspe" or "broken" I think)

'Cui' to be more precise means 'CMI' = Cannot make it

And if you are wondering how does this really help you in life, it doesn't. I am just writing for fun...

The Pineapple Times 2 1/2 Edition

2008-08-17T18:14:00.006+08:00

Today (27/08) I am really lucky, I nearly got knocked down by a car. Why lucky? Because it didn't hit me...

Of course there are a few important reasons for the delayed publication like,

1. Lazy - I don't blog for a living, so no incentive.
2. Playing computer games (Championship Manager 2006) - Yup have been living in the fantasy world. I wanted to stop and move on with life but suddenly I won a trophy in the game, so must continue...
3. No payment received yet - Obviously the online electronic payment didn't work.

You must be wondering why it is 2 and a half edition, that's because this is half of what I wanted to write.

Read the sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...

The Pineapple Times

Train of Thoughts
Recently I just called my buddy, it's has been some time since I spoke to him. So I decided to call him anyway 1 day...

I have a buddy from army who was assigned to me during National Service. It was not by choice, it was by fate because buddies are assigned based on birth dates. He is a pretty interesting fellow and I have not seen him for centuries. Although there are the occasional calls but usually I am alseep because either the call is too early or too late. Ok I sleep a lot...

He is a pretty witty fellow and probably he can have a book of quotes from him.

The conversation below started because I wanted to prove that he was talking cock when he says his friends are more important than his girlfriend.

Here is one classic quote from him...

Pineapple Tat: "Wah lau eh... Your girlfriend is more important than us..." (big mistake)
Mr Buddy: "Of course la... I can bang my girlfriend... Can you let me bang you..." (-_-" point taken)

For more information on this legendary person, you can read about this fellow below...
Team 424
My Buddy and Me
Life is like a box of chocolates

Oh if you like what you read about him... He should be still single... If you like guys who are humourous, likes risk taking and enjoy a good emotional roller coaster... He is the one for you!

Learnings from him is if someone says his friends is more important than his girlfriend, chances are he is bluffing... Don't believe, read his quotes again...

Ok if you like this guy, you know where to look for him...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Love Column
I have thought of a few titles like,
1. Pineapple Economics of Love
2. Dr Pineapple Love
3. Love Love Pineapple

Of course I still can't decide what the title is, let me continue until I thought of one...

Marketers are Liars
It's true that in Marketing, you will meet a lot of beautiful women. Of course that also depends on what industry you are in and what you are marketing. If you are marketing ship paint or springs, chances are that you will meet men only.

So why does the Marketing Profession has many opportunities of meeting beautiful women?
Because the job requires you to meet lots of people from advertising, public relations, events, media, marketing research, modelling agency and other marketers. All of these dominated by women...

Since this is the 2nd and a half edition, of course I will not complete it... Hee...

Editors note
Recently I seek an internet geomancer (someone from my interactive agency) and was told that wordpress.com (another blog) is better. I am contemplating moving my blog to wordpress but like quite messy after shifting it over... Let me think about it...

http://pineappletat.wordpress.com/

The Pineapple Times 2nd Edition

2008-07-01T21:41:00.012+08:00

You must be surprised to see the 2nd edition of "The Pineapple Times" publish so quickly. Since I am writing a newspaper, of course I have to publish it daily. I know all of you are dying to pay for the newspaper, so this is what you can do to pay online:
1. Take your credit or debit card
2. Eject your CD-ROM (yes I mean your computer cd-rom)
3. Put your card on the CD-ROM
4. Close your CD-ROM
5. A pop up screen should appear
6. If it doesn't, start from step 1 again.

Ok read the sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...

The Pineapple Times

Train of Thoughts
As the headline suggest, I usually have thoughts when I am in the train. Not that I don't think when I am static, in fact I have lots of ideas about work when I sit stationary on the toilet bowl. So this section is about random thoughts.

My lecturer told me she couldn't understand how someone can get up late in the day especially after 12 noon. She thought that people who has this practice must be lazy. Then slowly as she got older, she realised;

"Everyone is made differently..."

She said that some people work better in the day, some better at night. This statement is especially useful when you are irritated by someone's action or are baffled by their senseless motivations at work... Tell yourself "Everyone is made differently..."

Some people are idiots and some are not...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Money Matters
Yesterday Mr Fly told me that he is going to buy stocks in a company that produces steels. I asked him whether it is a commodity, he replied that it should be since its made from iron ore.

Talking about commodities, they are things like coffee beans, tea leaves, soya beans etc. Remember if you were to buy for example soya beans. You are suppose to sell it within certain timeline (usually a month I think). And if you forgot about it, you will receive a call from the port asking you to collect your container load of soya beans. So most importantly, if you were to buy commodities, buy something that you LIKE, like coffee beans. Even you forget to sell, at least you have a lifetime supply of coffee.

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Marketers Are Liars
As you know (if you don't know), I am in marketing. There are those trade publications like Marketing-interactive and The Marketer. I reckon I should start my own marketing column called "Marketers Are Liars". We are not really liars, we are just story tellers. We all like to sell a good story and then of course you will buy from us.

As you know (if you don't know again), I am managing direct marketing channels and one of them is SMS. You know those SMS you receive Adv ......... To unsub, reply .
Yah... You could be receiving those that I sent.

Anyway there will be people who unsubscribe to SMS notifications during each campaign. As unsubscribing is automated, you actually have to reply as indicated in the SMS to unsubscribe. If not the system cannot identify your SMS and unsubscribe you. (yes the system is not that intelligent yet)

So part of my job is to manually unsubscribe people from the SMS list in the event they spell wrongly 'unsub' like 'unscb'. Some people are polite to actually type a full sentence to indicate their intentions like "Please unsubscribe me from you list. Thank you." or "Unsubscribe. Thks." These are genuine mistakes, so I have to manually remove them as the system cannot recognise such instructions.

I actually receive an unsubscribe request in this format and in this case the unsubscribe command is 'X'. Here is one classic SMS:
F**k you man! I dont give a f**k care about your f**king contest! X!

Ok as you can see from the above SMS, obviously the system won't unsubscribe the number...

Anyway I am thinking of sending an SMS response (using the system of course) to that person's number in the below format,

"This is an automated reply. Your SMS has been forwarded to the police. They will be calling you shortly."

This should be quite cool...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

The Pineapple Times

2008-06-30T22:21:00.016+08:00

I have decided to start my own newspaper, its obviously called "The Pineapple Times" since its the first edition, you can read it for free, I think I will start selling the second edition. Read the sections that you are interested, it will help you in your life... Really...

The Pineapple Times

Money Matters
I finally mailed my insurance application today, finally opened an online trading account with DBS Vickers and finally I am going to get rich.....

According to Mr Fly (long long time never wrote about him) Now the stock market is displaying Double 'M' Top or Double Top 'M', whichever it is, it means the market is going to slide further.

As much as you think I am going to give you some tips on stocks, I am going to tell you what a taxi driver tell me about stocks. He said and prophesize that economy goes into decline every 12 years, especially in the Year of the Tiger, he gave some examples like 1978/79, 1998/99 and the next one will be 2009/10. However if you notice, some of the maths don't seem to quite add up. Anyway something money related is that every time when it is the Year of the Rat, there will be heavy flooding. (water = money)

In case you wonder how come the taxi uncle still drives taxi, I suspect its his hobby, if not he must really not like money...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

Women Weekly
As I spoke to my lecturer (obviously a woman) about this guy leaving his job, the first thing she said, "He must have been sacked!" Obviously she knows and detest this man and then she told me...

Lecturer: "Bad guys will always get sacked."
Pineapple Tat: "But they always climbed very high." (in the corporate world)
Lecturer: "Yes but they will get sacked one day."
Pineapple Tat: "Really?"
And then she rest her hand on my shoulder and reassured me,
Lecturer: "Yes... Trust me... They will get sacked one day."

And then another woman told me about this wicked man whom she describe as having amnesia and forgot about what he said that he will support her on. I am not sure if he really deserved it but...

She exclaimed: "He is really a wicked man, he will become an ant in his next life!"

In case you think that Women Weekly is going to teach you about how to get free sex or court girls... Nope... Its about how women curse men weekly...

So bad and wicked people will get sacked and become an ant in their next life...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

My Space
I was sitting in a huge glass cube at this meeting where there were 2 men in front of me discussing about something. However all I could pick out was portal, COTU and Aria. I suspect that they are not speaking English and I am very sure they are talking about teleporting a secret weapon to destroy another planet. And then I realised they had pointed ears. And then I realised I must be in the wrong galaxy and then I kept pressing my watch trying to beam myself away from that glass cube, back to my Pineapple Starship...

Next time when you are stuck in the wrong galaxy, just say that you need to refill the urinal so that it can start flushing again. Ok I know... Crap...

Correspondent: Pineapple Tat

LaughOutLoud.Com.Sg

2008-06-07T20:26:00.006+08:00

Do you want to...
Learn how to chase girl?
Learn how to tell jokes?
Watch the videos @... http://www.laughoutloud.com.sg/#Scene_1

To Love An Imperfect Man

2008-04-08T22:11:00.005+08:00

I look into the mirror and I am not sure what she sees in this man...

I look into my wallet and I am not sure what wonderful things can this little money buy...

I thank God for sending me this wonderful woman into my life...

For she does not ask of me to pluck the stars up in the sky for her or to dig for diamonds under the earth...

For she will be happy just to have the sweets in my pocket...

And to have such a wonderful woman loving an imperfect man like me, what more can I ask for...

Dedicated to Ms K and I want to wish you a Happy Birthday!

Mid 20s Crisis

2008-03-30T03:25:00.006+08:00

You know people always talk about mid life crisis, I am not even sure which part of my life is mid life. It could be 20 (if you live until 40), it could be 30 (if you live until 60), it could be 40 (if you live until 80) and on and on and on. I reckon my mid life is about 50 because I will live to 100 and beyond, simply because I don't smoke, I don't drink (ok a little bit), I don't gamble (using luck is gamble, using skills is not) and I sleep a lot.

Being 25, I think I am having a quarter life crisis (remember I will live to 100 and beyond). Because I have:
1. Resign from my job: Strangely everything seems quiet, no hooha nothing. Of course it's good, just that it feels strangely quiet, like calmness before a storm...
2. Found a new job: I am looking forward to the new challenges and to learn new things. People usually get excited about it... Not sure why I am not...
3. Lessons postponed: My lecturer went for an op suddenly, glad that everything turns out well for her. However not sure when the lessons will resume and project postpone till when...
4. Financial: Haven't bought my insurance, start investment, file my tax, save enough money for education...
5. Education: Will be taking my degree next year after I complete my diploma this year, it will be another 2 years of studying and by that time I would be 28...
6. No one seduce me: Yah... Why don't have?

Things and life seem to stop moving...

And talking about me living to 100, I think I will tell Ms K that if she live to be 100, I hope to live to be 100 and minus a day. Why? So that I will not live a day without her...

Top 10 Women

2008-03-15T23:12:00.009+08:00

I read Veran's blog and he mention that he started writing a blog because of a girl. I wonder whether I wrote a blog for the same reason (1 girl) or reasons (many girls)? I can't exactly remember what happened, so I am going to look through all my past records and read what really happen... Then I thought I should just pick my Top 10 Favourite Stories of Women, so here goes...

1. An April Summer Breeze (March 17, 2006)
2. Dreaming Ms K (March 17, 2006)
3. Jingle Bells Jingle Bells (March 18, 2006)
4. A Passing of a April Shower (March 22, 2006)
5. Lost in the Train of Thoughts (March 25, 2006)
6. Slack and Slacker (April 06, 2006)
7. Credit Card, Dream Girl and Lily (October 02, 2006)
8. Looking Forward to Something Everyday (October 09, 2006)
9. Pieces (October 17, 2006)
10. Waiting for you (October 21, 2006)
11. Fate (February 05, 2007)
12. Balloons (February 10, 2007)

You must be wondering how come it is more than 10? Since my heart is full of love, there is definitely space for more than 10.....

New York Updates

2008-03-15T23:07:00.002+08:00

How was my New York trip? Just read Ms K's blog... Lazy to write...

http://www.korina-sylee.blogspot.com/

Title: Learning Experience (07 March 2008)
&
Title: 10 Signs you have been to New York (04 March 2008)

Out Of Singapore Reply

2008-02-22T16:43:00.006+08:00

Dear Friends!

Your visit to my blog is important. I will be out of Singapore from 23/02/08 to 02/03/08. You may call or SMS me while I am in New York. However, I will not pick up your phone call or even reply you because it cost a bomb. And in the event I do accidentally pick up your call, I will charge it to you when I come back. For anything else, please don't call me and no I will not buy anything for you...

Have a blessed weekend ahead!

Warm Regards,
Pineapple Tat

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2008-01-27T21:07:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through Ms Pooh's blog and she always has these lobangs (links) for those pyschoanalysis of your character type articles. This is her latest on name analysis, looks interesting so I give it a shot...

What Wei Tat Means

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2 More People

2008-01-19T17:48:00.000+08:00

My SVP (Senior Vice President) told me that he is going to add 2 more people in my team, so he asked me to keep a look out for 2 more people to join my team. Finally I have a team instead of a partnership like Ms Piggy and me.

As I was pondering on what kind of girl I mean person I should look for, I came across a social escort agency website (I am not going to tell you why I am there) and saw this recruitment ad on their website, it was advertised as follows,

"We are continuously recruiting for exquisite, beautiful young ladies who wish to join us as an escort-model or traveling companion."

You must be between 18 and 32 years old
You must be well educated
You must have a warm and sophisticated personality
You must feel comfortable in a variety of social and business circle
You must be well mannered and well spoken

The above ad is well written and the requirements are simple, so I have decided to use it in my own recruitment ad. As I do not have a budget to advertise in the papers, I will just use my blog to advertise. So here is how my ad looks like,

"We are recruiting for exquisite, beautiful young ladies who wish to join us as an merchant relations associate" (I know there isn't much change except the last few words, I mean this sentence is already beautifully crafted, what else can I change?)

::You must be between 18 and 25 years old (must be younger than me)
::You must be well educated (negotiable)
::You must have a warm and sophisticated personality (very important)
::You must feel comfortable in a variety of social and business circle (for work)
::You must be well mannered and well spoken (a must)

As you can see my requirements are pretty simple, so I should be able to find someone soon. Oh yah, we regret that only shortlisted candidates will be notify and if you are a guy wanting to apply, you can forget about it...

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

2008-01-19T15:25:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was kid, I wanted to be a Scientist and invent a time machine. I don't really know what is my reason for doing that, I just think it's cool.

When I was in secondary school, I wanted to be a pilot, a fighter Pilot to be exact. Maybe it's because I watch the movie"Top Gun" and think to myself "that's cool". However I heard you have to have prefect eyesight and have to be good at maths. Well, I have the former but I can't even count to save my life. On top of that, I am afraid of heights and speed. Ok I know, guys should like racing cars right, not me.

As I go into pre-university education, I wanted to be a Policeman. I mean I would love to catch bad guys and really kick their ass. Then I realise and heard from people that being a policeman isn't really about that, depending on what you are doing, it can be boring or political.

After National Service, I wanted to be a investment Banker, so I took a degree in banking and Finance. Realise that it's really boring and I still hate maths! Actually as long as the maths made sense to me, I am fine but I cannot really understand why we are studying C Maths, F Maths and all those that we never will apply in life. Met a career counsellor in school, told him that I wanted to go into the marketing, advertising & media, public relations industry. He told me I should just switch course and do something I like.

Finally I decided to switch to a Professional Diploma in Advertising and Design because I wanted to be a Copywriter. Come out to work and took it part time. Good move because by God's grace I actually got into a marketing department indirectly. Now I can be a Marketer too!

After going through my part time course, met some people from the advertising & media industry, took a module on media planning and found that media planning is so interesting! Now I want to be a Media Planner.

Waiting for the opportunity to happen...

I See People Everywhere

2008-01-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

Apparently I got this knack of seeing familiar faces almost everyday. Of course I am not talking about colleagues which you will definitely see almost everyday but people whom you seldom meet, don't really keep in touch, have not met for a long time, ex-colleagues, ex-schoolmates, people you have attended courses or talks with etc...

I see them at the MRT stations, saw them at nightspots, bump into them at shopping malls, even going for IPPT (a compulsory fitness test for previously conscript soldiers) at Maju Camp, I actually had the same test date with my friend Mr Alien who stays at Pasir Ris. Today I was given a shock when Ms Kitty, an ex-colleague, "OEI" me at Burger King at International Plaza. She happens to be on off today and was meeting a friend. I even saw an ex-boyfriend of a ex-classmate twice at Tanjong Pagar, once standing right in front of me in the train, another time walking past me at an underpass.

Everything is such a concidence or maybe it's fate or maybe I can just pretend I don't see them.

Some say it's because I have many friends.
Some say it's because I am good at recognising faces.
I say I should not owe people any money,
Because I cannot run away......

Rest

2008-01-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

I am thinking of taking a sabbatical...

Sabbatical means: any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.

When I say sabbatical, I mean the meaning in bold, nope I am not acquiring a new skill, however if that makes for a good excuse I would take it.

Another meaning of sabbatical: a leave usually taken every seventh year (the length of leave is usually 1 year)

I have been living in this world for almost 26 years, which means I can take 3 years of leave, so it means my next sabbatical is when I am 28 years old. I am looking forward to that and for every 7 years we live in this world, we should take a year leave.

Argghhh... I keep having strange thoughts about resting...

How To Drive A Man Crazy

2008-01-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

I have told some girls before on what drives a man crazy. In case you have missed what I have taught before, these are what drives a man crazy... (In case you are still wondering what I am talking about, I am talking about what you can wear to drive them nuts)

1. Off shoulder clothes, the lower the better
Apparently when women show their shoulders, it drives men nuts. That is why in dating websites for foreign brides market to Europeans, the women are told to wear off shoulder clothes in their photos.

2. Tight skirts with slits, the higher the better
Ever wonder why cheongsams are design the way they are? To keep cool? Noooo.... To attract men of course, the ancients have always scheme against the man race.

3. Absurdly high heel shoes with strap around the ankles
I must admit these shoes really look nice. Makes the legs look tone, however its just another trap to drive men crazy...

Ok... After crapping about the above, seriously ladies you can try them and you will notice more men will look at you. Trust me... And if you happen to know me and dress like that, and realise that I am not looking at you, that's because I have stronger will power than most men. If you don't believe, you can try wearing it in front of me.......

Happy For Nothing?

2008-01-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

I had a sense of elation today... Strange but suddenly feel happy... Is something happy going to happen to me... I am listening to this korean song... It goes something like this "You can say... You can dream..."

Jobs Seekers Job Leavers

2008-01-06T14:54:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe when Ms Pooh told me that she has stand her crazy boss for almost 2 years. How someone attain that kind of nirvana in the face of a boss who stalks you incessantly really buffers me. Kudos to Ms Pooh...

Yesterday I met up with my old schoolmates from my A Level days, somehow we lost touch for a period of time and suddenly we are meeting for gatherings. I think as we grew older, we need more friends or rather we don't really make new friends.

Of course when in school you talk about school and now we talk about work. Great to know Mr Nose found a job in a bank which named itself after a woman. He has been looking for a job. Coincidentally, Ms Pooh's boyfriend Mr Pooh got one at the same bank. Mr Sun is also looking for a job in the finance industry, Mr Alien will also soon be looking for one in the middle of the year after graduating. These are the job seekers.

Ms Pooh has left her job without one, Mr Alien's girlfriend Mrs Alien is contemplating to resign due to her boss not fulfilling his promise, Ms K of course has thought of resigning for months since starting work at her new place because of her boss too. These are the job leavers.

As you can see, everyone is thinking of getting a new job or leaving their current one even without finding a new one. And everytime someone says they want to leave, the question is "Is your boss a woman?" I am not saying a woman boss is not good but apparently bad working experiences occur with woman bosses and I had 2. Apparently the criteria for a woman boss to be crazy is that they have to be of certain age, no children and single. For my previous 2 bosses, they are married but their husbands are not with them, so its as good as they are single and of certain age.

You must be thinking that I am stereotyping people, well if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. Now did I just saw some signs that I am leaving too...

Note: My current boss is ok, however I have just encountered a crazy woman and of course some uncertainty.

Dream Dream Dream

2008-01-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

I have decided to write my blog religiously, make 1 billion dollars out of it and then retire when I am 29. I have thought of being a poet, an artist drawing by the Singapore River, a novelist writing romance novels or a story teller. If I can't be a story teller, I will be a con-artist (I will not cheat women and old people), operate a gambling syndicate or become a drug lord.

Today I had another dream...

Ring Ring Ring
Pineapple Tat: "Hello."
Caller: "Hello, is this American Express?"
Pineapple Tat:" Errr... No... This is Dat Banking Syndicate. How did you get my number?"
Caller:"Oh sorry... Someone gave me your number, ok bye..."
Pineapple Tat told Superman and Ms Piggy: "Hey, someone called me and thought she is calling American Express... Ha, I wished..."

Before I left the Old Chinese Banking Company, the sages over there warn me about going to Dat Banking Syndicate. Their prophecies keep ringing in my ears....

Sage Number 1: "People who has went there, in the end came back here..."
Sage Number 2: "Huhhhh.... You are going over there ar..."
Sage Number 3: "Why are you going over there??"
Sage Number 4: "What! You are going over there..."

And plus 254 other sages prophezies the same thing but in different variations. I never doubt leaving the incense smoke filled temple though the people there are friendly and helpful. I mean I was going for gold... Besides I am a mercenary, I can't live with nice people...

I was reaching for a cave full of gold but I found out it was a store room full of boxes and paper. Everyone seem to be keeping to themselves, form their own tribes, are hermits or outcasts. The real cave full of gold was in another cave deeper in the ground, still I heard there was silent war. I am glad I am in this store room afterall because it could be worse...

Then I realised one thing, that I forgot to reply the person who ask me whether I want to go to American Express or did she ask me whether she is calling American Express? AHHHHH! I can't call her back because it is a private number...

A Really Lucky Draw

2008-01-01T21:28:00.000+08:00

My company is known to give out X'mas lucky draw prizes like it's free, indeed it's free, they are sponsored by business partners. Prizes like cameras, handphones, air tickets, watches and hundred dollars of vouchers.

Since everyone is guaranteed a prize, naturally people are disappointed when they are being picked first cos the best prizes are announced last. I can't believe it when the lucky draw picker refuse to announced my name, I was never a big fan of lucky draw that is why I don't buy 4D or lottery. Yes you heard right, lottery is a lucky draw and I don't care if you think 6th sense (if you consider that a skill) and mathematical ability is required of it.

Now there are only 4 people left announced the lucky draw picker and they are all women's names... Huh?? Later I realised I am not in the draw due to a mix-up and the last few prizes are air tickets to far far away places like Japan and London. I wasn't disappointed seriously because these things are not mine in the first place.

When it was drawn to the last 2 prizes, the organiser suddenly realise that there are 6 people left and miraclously they decide to include everyone and....... I won 2 air tickets to New York....

Clean and Scrub, Spick and Span

2008-01-01T15:37:00.000+08:00

I was cleaning up my forsaken room which I used to share with my father. I suspect that it must have been almost 2 years since I slept in that room, judging from the thickness of the dirt accumalated on the fan. I have this typical chinese habit of hoarding useless things like clips, 3 year old highlighters, paper bags that I never will use, university notes long long ago, boxes etc...

I think I took about 3 hours to clean just the fan, clear the cabinet and throw away all the useless stuffs, so that I will have more space to keep other useless stuffs... And I don't even know why I am writing about this... I guess packing and cleaning your house is theurapatic, it can make you feel happy and lighter; I am talking about it emotionally not your weight, so ladies you can try it. Sometimes losing weight don't really make you happy, only housework does...

3 Lucky Things

2007-12-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

The Singh that I met at the traffic junction near my office told me that December will be a lucky month for me. He said 3 lucky things will happen to me...

One. I lost my transponder (a device to open my office door), I thought I have to pay S$50 for losing it. I found out I only need to pay S$38.

Two. I was holding a hot water flask vertically, the bottom gave way. The whole glass interior drop onto the floor, the glass shattered , splittering on the floor like glittering stars. Luckily I only got scalded at my armpit. Later I realised I cut my big toe too.

Three. I have been awarded 2 days MC for the past 2 consecutive weeks. Which means I have been working for only half a week for the past 2 weeks. And I am still sick.

Well I am not sure what are the 3 lucky things that is suppose to happen to me in December. But I definitely know one unlucky thing will definitely happen to him when I see him again... That is a punch in his face...

Some thoughts

2007-11-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

I was standing beside Mr Chat at the urinal when we started to chat (urine still flowing). Now you know how all those toilet chat came about. I asked him: "Will you miss this place?" Mr Chat: "No of course not..." It was his second last day with the company and he looks happy like a bird set free...

I remember when I came here the first time, my table was dusty, my email was not up, my namecards were not ready. My office common cubicle has 5 people in it. 1 in each corner, Mr Chat, Mr Superman, Ms Fan and me. Mr USA the temp staff sat in the middle table. I treat them like my imaginary team. We were the SPCA, specially protected by my boss.

In my team, Mr Chat is my transport guide, he will always provide me with directions. Mr Superman is my IT helpdesk, he guides me on how to read the system, Mr USA is my editor, he reads my email and edit it before I send it out. As for Ms Fan, I just pretend she is my secretary.

Ms Fan left after 1 month I was here. We took a team photo. It was a happy moment and I happen to be wearing a tie. Ms Fan looks very happy. Mr Chat left 2 months after I was here, this time we didn't took any photos, didn't have any lunch, and I didn't get to tell him to remember to be successful when he goes out. He left just like that...

Going back to the toilet conversation (urine still flowing into the urinal) I said to Mr Chat: "Well... You will miss this place when you leave." After a short silence, I said: "I miss OCBC..."

Strange Encounters

2007-10-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

"You got a very lucky face."

A towering Singh with a yellow turban said to me when I was waiting to cross the road at Tanjong Pagar. On his yellow turban is an emblem which I did not see clearly.

"Sorry huh..." I said and looking puzzled.
"You got a very lucky face." The Singh said again.
"December will be very lucky to you and 3 happy things will happen." Said the Singh
"Oh......" At that moment I was freak out.
"What is your name?" Said the Singh
"Wei Tat." I said. Unsure that I should tell him at all. I wanted bullshit an English name like Peter or Jackson.

Then he took out a yellow namecard that is laminated. On top it wrote "God loves you" and his name "Raja". There were other words but I was too freak out to read. He said something which I can't remember and I told him that I am in a rush and return him the namecard and he just said "ok". To my surprise he is not persistent. I just cross the road and walk away from him.

The second encounter was with a woman while I was sitting in the train going home. She was sitting beside me and she suddenly spoke to me.

Woman: "You have a nice bag, where did you buy it?"
Pineapple Tat: "I bought it from Metro."
Woman: "What brand is this?"
Pineapple Tat: "FX Creation."
Woman: "How much is it?"
Pineapple Tat: "I can't really remember..."

Then she start having a conversation with me about her son's bag being too heavy and she wants to buy a lighter one. Suddenly she start molesting my bag by poking it, feeling the material and pinching to feel its softness. My bag was humiliated just like that.

In a third encounter, I was in the train going home with Ms K and Ms Piggy. After they alighted, 2 men nearby suddenly start talking to me. They say I look very familiar. They have seen me somewhere before. However both of them came from Malaysia, and I can't recall seeing both of them before. Upon realising that we don't know each other. They still kept talking to me, what is most suspicious about them is that they kept asking about my occupation and my life. They seem really interested in me and one guy even shake hand with me and introduce himself. In an instance reaction, when the train reach Lakeside, I got down, one stop before Boon Lay where I alight to go home. I just told them I am alighting and then left. In the end I walked and took a bus home.

When I was selling credit cards part time, sometimes I would try to look grumpy and lean on the underpass wall of a credit card hub at Orchard MRT. However and strangely people will still ask me for directions. I mean I try to look grumpy so that nobody will ask me anything, can't these people read body language?!

You know what I conclude from these incidents - That I have a handsome face. Even the Singh thinks so. He said "You have a very lucky face." Just tell me, "You have a very handsome face." I will understand it just as well. No wonder strangers keep talking to me...

My 6th Wife

2007-10-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

I have always wanted to change my 6th wife, in case you are wondering who are my wives, please look at the following (I have 7 wives):

1. Ms K
2. Ms Piggy
3. Ms Lily
4. Ms Public Holiday
5. Ms Chipmunk
6. The female security guard at Old Chinese Banking Company recreation club
(I suspect Ms K wants to prevent me from adding more wives)
7. Mr Purple Tomato
(my ex-boss, Ms K insist he is number 7. She just wants to prevent me from having more wives)

You can find the photos of my wives in 25/06/07 article. Well I don't have the photo of my 6th wife but it's pretty obvious why I want to change. One, I don't want to know her. Two, I don't even want to know her. And Three, I know who I want. She is Ms Prozac.

I have been trying to get her to be my 6th wife. I have raised the question a few times. Ms K always say must go through her approval, Ms Piggy's approval and Ms Lily's approval before she can join. Ok fine. But where is the application form?!

One day, I raise the question again at Timbre and Ms K said, "Must go through our approval first." Ms Lily said, "We didn't agree to it." Ok so finally I gave up...

Then yesterday, Ms Prozac told me,
Pineapple Tat: "Hey, why don't you get yourself a boyfriend? (we can't be selfish)
Ms Prozac: : "I am trying but don't have suitable one... Anyway you have been asking this like forever." (see I told you I am not selfish)
Pineapple Tat: "Why don't you lower your expectations? You can't always find someone as good as me."
Ms Prozac: "I have already lower my expectations, so low that I am willing to choose you!"

After hearing this, I am touched. She has said yes to be my 6th wife! I have decided next Friday (26/10/07) when all my wives meet up for dinner. I will raised this up again, get an application form (if there is one) and apply for Ms Prozac to be my 6th wife.

Almost there

2007-10-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

I was sitting at a stand alone bus stop in the middle of nowhere. In front of me is a vast green field with the nearest flat 1 km away. 200m behind me a modern white elephant of the Punggol MRT station. The road in front of me stretches to my left disappearing into the forest and to my right into nothingness. The sky is dark and I can feel the strong cool breeze. It is going to rain...

I thought to myself: "What am I doing here?"

Suddenly life descend into nothingness...

I was on the verge of understanding the meaning of life, almost attaining nirvana, nearly achieving enlightenment, closing to the truth... Suddenly I realise everything is meaningless and non-existent. It exists because you think it is and you give value to it.

And then I woke up and realise how "ulu" (deserted) Punggol is. It is a place where birds don't lay eggs and dogs don't shit at place. Here I am waiting for a bus to go into the forest on my far left and expect to find a restaurant?! Why would someone open a restaurant at this place which is far far away long long ago?? The first thing when I met the restaurant owner I will say,

Pineapple Tat: "Hi! Nice restaurant, I would like to do promotions with your restaurant."
Restaurant Owner: "Sure!"
Pineapple Tat: "Can you sign the contract here?"
Restaurant Owner: "Ok!"
Pineapple Tat: "We would like to give you some point of sales materials like A1 banners, acrylic tentcards and bill folder inserts."
Restaurant Owner: "Yipeee!"
Pineapple Tat: "I can see that you have lots of customers like birds, racoons and monkeys in your restaurant."
Restaurant Owner: "These are my regulars."
Pineapple Tat: "I see there are no humans here. What promotions are we doing?"
Restaurant Owner: "1 for 1 Bananas, 10% off ala carte peanuts and 20% off signature earthworms."
Pineapple Tat: "I see..."

As I left the restaurant, the restaurant owner offer me some flies, I kindly decline. I think I saw him sticking out his tongue and sucking the flies.

I am almost there. Almost where? Almost getting out of there.....

Marketing Advice

2007-10-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

Today I ask my lecturer that if I wanted to study for a degree in Marketing, where should I go? He told me to check out MIS (Marketing Institute of Singapore), the chairman is his friend and this friend started the Mediacorp Group. Another option is SIM (Singapore Institute of Management) because it is reputable although he is not sure about its marketing course.

However what he said next surprised me. He said the best marketers are engineers! He mention that those lecturers that are teaching at Insead (one of the leading management schools in the world) have engineering background. And even in knowledge of finance, engineers are the ones that are good at it, not accountants. Because engineering is a process, it is the improvement of process that put them one up. I am starting to have a new found RESPECT for engineers...

It does make sense because I read a book "Conversation with Marketing Masters", apparently some of these marketing masters had a degree or masters in a totally different discipline from marketing, like economics, engineering or even science. Yet they are the marketing masters. One example is Philip Kotler who is economics trained and a french guy (can't remember the name) who invented a program for marketing strategy.

My lecturer told me to be a marketer, I must have knowledge in finance because marketing is about bringing in profits and I need to know how to read the financials and derive the figures. He told me that since I work in a financial institute I should know all these and overcome it. What he said next really struck me,

"A marketer who doesn't know finance is just a bloody salesman!"

I am back!

2007-10-14T17:13:00.001+08:00

Ok I know I should have write my blog almost everyday right but my brother was using the computer to watch anime. I am not a barbaric person, that is why I did not use my position as the "big brother" to ask him to let me use the computer. (except when I need to do work)

Everyday I always thought of what to write, however when I reach home, either I forgot what to write or I have no mood to write. I used to think that since I am doing a social experiement on blog writing like a girl, I wanted to name each blog entry "Social Experiment Day 1", "Social Experiment Day 2" etc.

However I scrap that idea of the naming convention. Maybe... I should scrap this whole experiment! By the way I took some photos. You must be wondering why I didn't post them. Too lazy lor...

Eh... What to write huh?

2007-10-10T21:43:00.001+08:00

I wanted to write my blog yesterday but my brother was using the com. It's ok I shall continue my social experiment as usual on how to write like a girl as mention on 07/10/07.

Let me see what I should write about today... Let me see... Let me see... Write about work... No no no... Write about the places I visited the past few days meeting my merchants? Nah... Write that I drink on my job? Write about my colleague's last day tomorrow? Or write about someone is joining my team?

I don't know what to write leh... I know I know what to write... How about I don't write anything at all?