Van yesterday night asked me to please introduce guys to her because her mum has been nagging her to get married and she could not take it anymore.
As a good buddy, I told her to look through my Facebook and choose who she likes. Then the next step would be to introduce these selected unlucky men… no I mean lucky men to her.
Actually I have suspected all along, she wanted me to introduce men to her but did not directly ask me. Instead she has been dropping subtle hints and as a man, it is natural that I am oblivious to it until it became clear today. (It just struck me)
The conversations at work and lunches all along were constructed to tell me the kind of men she likes.
Like showing me pictures of men whom she thinks is good-looking, telling me how other men are doing silly (my own interpretation) stuff for her, her past relationships and what kind of men her mum likes. She also once gave me an MCQ test on choosing between three women in the office whom I would date, which I now suspect its a plot for me to ask her back the same question, so that she can indicate her favourite three.
And she often subtly hints to me her virtues, so that when I speak to my men friends, I am able to craft out a picture of an almost perfect woman.
She tell me her everyday mundane things like how she likes to clean the toilet, how she must do housework and how thrifty she is plus all the assets that are under her name.
So if you like a woman who can clean a toilet well (read: responsible), have assets (read: rich), thrifty (means everything you pay), indecisive (means you can make all the decisions), and obedient (means no argument) and naggy (means she is caring), please drop me a note on my blog and I will get in touch with you soon… Oh and also attached a full body photo indicating your height... And your income documents… Men who are good-looking or think they are good-looking are encouraged to apply......
Showing posts with label Career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Career. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The App That I Think I Need To Download
Yesterday I read an article from Askman.com on “Apps for girls”, the article mention that there are 10 apps that men shouldn’t be caught dead with.
Suddenly it dawn on me on why my life is constantly dramatic. That's because I am always working in an environment with so many women. Downloading a PMS Tracker may actually make my life better. (Ok very unmanly I know)
According to Wikipedia, there are “specific emotional and physical symptoms attribute to PMS”. (Sounds dangerous)
And it happens “ten days prior to menses”. (That’s a long time)
This is the killer: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).” (Wow…)
Counting the number of women in my team from a photo, there are 11 of them. So 11 x 10 days = 110 days. It’s once a month so 11 x 10 days x 12 months = 1,320 days (Hmmm that’s a lot of days). There is only 365 days a year, so 1,320 / 365 = 360% (Huge percentage!)
The figures 360% and the over 200 symptoms seems like a lot of irritability, tension and dysphoria in a month and I am not sure how I can manage that.
Thus I have concluded that I need the PMS Tracker in my phone, so that I can tweak my communication with every woman depending on their moods for those 10 days. (Very clever, pat on the back)
Now I need another app to tell me how to ask a woman when her PMS is……
Suddenly it dawn on me on why my life is constantly dramatic. That's because I am always working in an environment with so many women. Downloading a PMS Tracker may actually make my life better. (Ok very unmanly I know)
According to Wikipedia, there are “specific emotional and physical symptoms attribute to PMS”. (Sounds dangerous)
And it happens “ten days prior to menses”. (That’s a long time)
This is the killer: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).” (Wow…)
Counting the number of women in my team from a photo, there are 11 of them. So 11 x 10 days = 110 days. It’s once a month so 11 x 10 days x 12 months = 1,320 days (Hmmm that’s a lot of days). There is only 365 days a year, so 1,320 / 365 = 360% (Huge percentage!)
The figures 360% and the over 200 symptoms seems like a lot of irritability, tension and dysphoria in a month and I am not sure how I can manage that.
Thus I have concluded that I need the PMS Tracker in my phone, so that I can tweak my communication with every woman depending on their moods for those 10 days. (Very clever, pat on the back)
Now I need another app to tell me how to ask a woman when her PMS is……
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Fortune Favours The Bold And The Crazy
“Stuck.”
I thought to myself.
“Hanging around.”
Which I don’t like to do.
“Think out of the box”
I tell myself.
“Move.”
It is the conclusion.
“Ok.”
The answer I wanted to hear.
Society is progressive, the greed of man drive progression, the ambition of man move things.
I took a gamble.
From the comfort of the strongest team to the newest team.
There is nothing.
Make or break.
I need to pull this off.
And the only way is up.
Fortune favours the bold and hopefully the crazy…
I thought to myself.
“Hanging around.”
Which I don’t like to do.
“Think out of the box”
I tell myself.
“Move.”
It is the conclusion.
“Ok.”
The answer I wanted to hear.
Society is progressive, the greed of man drive progression, the ambition of man move things.
I took a gamble.
From the comfort of the strongest team to the newest team.
There is nothing.
Make or break.
I need to pull this off.
And the only way is up.
Fortune favours the bold and hopefully the crazy…
Sunday, May 22, 2011
How to make almost 1 million in 5 years?
All this while when I am in hiding, I have been thinking… How do I make more money?
Recently the election just happened and Mama Sim told me that if I were to stand for election, she would have voted for me…
I heard that our Members of Parliament earns 15,000 per month. That would mean 180,000 per year and a total of 900,000 for a 5-year term…
That would make me an almost millionaire…
Ms Mill overheard Mama Sim and told me that she will also throw in her vote for me plus her mother’s. Ok that is 2 more votes.
Now that I have at least 3 votes (assuming Mama Sim is changing her Malaysian citizenship to Singapore in 5 years time which is highly unlikely)…
I think I am on a great start to my political career...
I have already thought of 2 ways to strike it rich for the next election.
Strike It Rich Plan 1
Contest against Singapore’s famous figure Lee Kuan Yew in Tanjong Pagar GRC. Everyone loves a David vs Goliath, Jack and the Beanstalk story right…
So I am surely going to get on the front page, back page, middle page of all the national newspapers and that is priceless…
After getting 1% of the votes in the election, having all the media lime light plus forfeiting my election deposit of $16,000 (I heard somewhere you need an election deposit and it will be forfeited if your votes are below 12% I think), I am well on my way to publishing a book named “Why I contest against Lee Kuan Yew?”
That should make me $1,000,000 in book sales, speaker fees, celebrity appearances and poster sales…
Strike It Rich Plan 2
Contest in any area, and during speeches on stage keep criticizing the government policies.
Ok this is nothing special. I mean the news will report what you say anyway, so to differentiate yourself from the rest, you should bring all your personal problems on stage.
That should make all the audience notice you…
List of dramatic stuff you can bring onto the stage,
1. Have an affair, admit it on stage, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It shows that you are only human, deserve a second chance and probably a chance to run the country…
2. Cry at the slightest thing, at anything, just cry, it will show that you are a compassionate, emotional and also someone who has the heart to run the country…
3. Ok this one has nothing to do with drama, but you must have a dramatic name especially a name like ‘Yam Ah Mee’ (I did not make this up, you can google his name). You can create this dramatic package by having good looks, a vintage hairstyle and most importantly a killer name… You will go viral…
Now the first thing I need to do is to start a political party… How about Pineapple Tat Party (PTP)......
Recently the election just happened and Mama Sim told me that if I were to stand for election, she would have voted for me…
I heard that our Members of Parliament earns 15,000 per month. That would mean 180,000 per year and a total of 900,000 for a 5-year term…
That would make me an almost millionaire…
Ms Mill overheard Mama Sim and told me that she will also throw in her vote for me plus her mother’s. Ok that is 2 more votes.
Now that I have at least 3 votes (assuming Mama Sim is changing her Malaysian citizenship to Singapore in 5 years time which is highly unlikely)…
I think I am on a great start to my political career...
I have already thought of 2 ways to strike it rich for the next election.
Strike It Rich Plan 1
Contest against Singapore’s famous figure Lee Kuan Yew in Tanjong Pagar GRC. Everyone loves a David vs Goliath, Jack and the Beanstalk story right…
So I am surely going to get on the front page, back page, middle page of all the national newspapers and that is priceless…
After getting 1% of the votes in the election, having all the media lime light plus forfeiting my election deposit of $16,000 (I heard somewhere you need an election deposit and it will be forfeited if your votes are below 12% I think), I am well on my way to publishing a book named “Why I contest against Lee Kuan Yew?”
That should make me $1,000,000 in book sales, speaker fees, celebrity appearances and poster sales…
Strike It Rich Plan 2
Contest in any area, and during speeches on stage keep criticizing the government policies.
Ok this is nothing special. I mean the news will report what you say anyway, so to differentiate yourself from the rest, you should bring all your personal problems on stage.
That should make all the audience notice you…
List of dramatic stuff you can bring onto the stage,
1. Have an affair, admit it on stage, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It shows that you are only human, deserve a second chance and probably a chance to run the country…
2. Cry at the slightest thing, at anything, just cry, it will show that you are a compassionate, emotional and also someone who has the heart to run the country…
3. Ok this one has nothing to do with drama, but you must have a dramatic name especially a name like ‘Yam Ah Mee’ (I did not make this up, you can google his name). You can create this dramatic package by having good looks, a vintage hairstyle and most importantly a killer name… You will go viral…
Now the first thing I need to do is to start a political party… How about Pineapple Tat Party (PTP)......
Monday, August 16, 2010
Blessed and Maybe...
I have always been blessed in what I wanted to do...
I remember 4 years ago, with only an A Level cert, I went looking for a job, not knowing that I was naive to ask for a marketing job with a not so high qualification. A lady from a recruitment firm even looked pissed when I mention that I wanted to work in marketing. She was quite rude and I hope she is not a receptionist anymore.
At that time, I was praying to God to find me a marketing job. I ended up taking a sales job in a bank selling credit cards. Miraculously I got into marketing after just 1 month with the same bank doing credit cards marketing. It was a great job and one of my happiest times. I learned a lot, met some good people and it was glamourous. There are many perks like free concert tickets, free mooncakes, free treats and lots of pretty office ladies. I worked late often but was happy as I was passionate about the work.
Later I got into another bank doing credit cards dining programme. I met lots of restaurant owners in the course of work. Eating and drinking was part of the job while negotiating for deals. It was a good experience but at that time I wanted something more fulfilling other than meeting quotas and I always wanted to try advertising.
I prayed to God again to allow me to get into the best media agency in the country. In the end I did get an interview but later there was a hiring freeze for that agency. At that time, I thought my dream of getting into advertising was over, my dream of getting into a media agency was gone forever and I can only imagine what it was like to work in one.
A year and a half later, miraculously I got into the best media agency in the country. God has answered all my prayers on what I wanted to do. That is why I have always encourage people to follow their dreams and to do what they like. Because I believe if you do what you like, money will definitely come later.
However after all these years I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness... Not that my pockets are empty... I have enough to eat and I have the opportunity to do things that I like... But I felt empty... Something seem to be missing but I don't know what...
Maybe I am just tired... Maybe I am wrong about some things... Maybe I have forgotten about God......
I remember 4 years ago, with only an A Level cert, I went looking for a job, not knowing that I was naive to ask for a marketing job with a not so high qualification. A lady from a recruitment firm even looked pissed when I mention that I wanted to work in marketing. She was quite rude and I hope she is not a receptionist anymore.
At that time, I was praying to God to find me a marketing job. I ended up taking a sales job in a bank selling credit cards. Miraculously I got into marketing after just 1 month with the same bank doing credit cards marketing. It was a great job and one of my happiest times. I learned a lot, met some good people and it was glamourous. There are many perks like free concert tickets, free mooncakes, free treats and lots of pretty office ladies. I worked late often but was happy as I was passionate about the work.
Later I got into another bank doing credit cards dining programme. I met lots of restaurant owners in the course of work. Eating and drinking was part of the job while negotiating for deals. It was a good experience but at that time I wanted something more fulfilling other than meeting quotas and I always wanted to try advertising.
I prayed to God again to allow me to get into the best media agency in the country. In the end I did get an interview but later there was a hiring freeze for that agency. At that time, I thought my dream of getting into advertising was over, my dream of getting into a media agency was gone forever and I can only imagine what it was like to work in one.
A year and a half later, miraculously I got into the best media agency in the country. God has answered all my prayers on what I wanted to do. That is why I have always encourage people to follow their dreams and to do what they like. Because I believe if you do what you like, money will definitely come later.
However after all these years I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness... Not that my pockets are empty... I have enough to eat and I have the opportunity to do things that I like... But I felt empty... Something seem to be missing but I don't know what...
Maybe I am just tired... Maybe I am wrong about some things... Maybe I have forgotten about God......
Monday, July 12, 2010
2012 And The World Cup
I didn't expect burning something into a DVD can take so long... I mean it doesn't take much time to burn down a house, a paper or even a cigarette. Ok maybe it is different. My original plan was to finish burning the DVD (before the computer overheat and set itself on fire)and then quickly sleep to wake up to watch the World Cup.
You see the World Cup happen every 4 years, I will be 32 when the next World Cup happens and 220 when Singapore qualifies for it. So I thought of watching it. There is also this thought that 2012 is coming soon, so what if the world really ends that year? Then this year's World Cup will be the last.
That's exactly why I have been telling people that I will be taking my Sabbatical in 2012 where I will go on a 1 year break, in case the world ends. I mean I don't want to die working. Besides taking a break before the world ends, there are a few things I wanted to do during a 1 year break,
1. Concentrate on my part time studies and finish all the units in 1 shot because I wanted to get all 'As' for no reason.
2. I may have my 1st kid in that year and for the strange reason that my girlfriend prefers our baby to be born in the year of the Dragon.
3. Study about stocks, really sit down and study about stock markets. Remember that I have only a simple dream and that is to strike it rich.
Right now I think smoke is getting into my eyes (or is it because I am sleepy?) and I still have 2 more DVDs to go......
You see the World Cup happen every 4 years, I will be 32 when the next World Cup happens and 220 when Singapore qualifies for it. So I thought of watching it. There is also this thought that 2012 is coming soon, so what if the world really ends that year? Then this year's World Cup will be the last.
That's exactly why I have been telling people that I will be taking my Sabbatical in 2012 where I will go on a 1 year break, in case the world ends. I mean I don't want to die working. Besides taking a break before the world ends, there are a few things I wanted to do during a 1 year break,
1. Concentrate on my part time studies and finish all the units in 1 shot because I wanted to get all 'As' for no reason.
2. I may have my 1st kid in that year and for the strange reason that my girlfriend prefers our baby to be born in the year of the Dragon.
3. Study about stocks, really sit down and study about stock markets. Remember that I have only a simple dream and that is to strike it rich.
Right now I think smoke is getting into my eyes (or is it because I am sleepy?) and I still have 2 more DVDs to go......
Monday, July 05, 2010
Moving, Moving, Gone
Today suddenly Mr Nose told me it is his last day at his office at Textile Centre because he has been transferred to the CBD area. It then reminds me of Ms Pooh saying she might be moving on soon... I mean people move, however new things seem to happen to me more often than not...
You see change happens a lot in my career. Things like changing boss, changing teams, changing portfolio, changing jobs, changing industry, changing seats, changing table, changing water for my money plant in office... The best part is that I can keep still, do nothing (I do work, nothing as in nothing wrong) and things can still change. With the exception of changing jobs + industry, teams disappear, boss get changed for some reason like restructing, realignment, resign, reorg and anything that comes with 're' or I move with the portfolio because my ex-boss got swallowed by a shark, wolf or something with a big mouth.
Change is so frequent that I have decided to have as little personal belongings as possible, so that I can moved easily. If I were to move now, I just need to pick up my money plant, take the 1 photo of me and Ms K in office, a photo frame of my classmates (Ogilvy Masterclass) and my namecards. Thats all... Light and easy...
You see it is actually quite tiring to keep changing, your confirmation appraisal is written by 1 boss (good review of course) then your mid year appraisal is written by another boss, then at the end you realise your year end appraisal is going to be written by another boss. You built rapport with someone, look forward to learning from the person and you feel settled down, then realise the person is leaving due to 're-' (yes it is the this word again, in fact you can fill in a few variations). Of course there are good things like retirement and promotion (this is the exception of 're').
The good thing about this is that I am always making new friends......
You see change happens a lot in my career. Things like changing boss, changing teams, changing portfolio, changing jobs, changing industry, changing seats, changing table, changing water for my money plant in office... The best part is that I can keep still, do nothing (I do work, nothing as in nothing wrong) and things can still change. With the exception of changing jobs + industry, teams disappear, boss get changed for some reason like restructing, realignment, resign, reorg and anything that comes with 're' or I move with the portfolio because my ex-boss got swallowed by a shark, wolf or something with a big mouth.
Change is so frequent that I have decided to have as little personal belongings as possible, so that I can moved easily. If I were to move now, I just need to pick up my money plant, take the 1 photo of me and Ms K in office, a photo frame of my classmates (Ogilvy Masterclass) and my namecards. Thats all... Light and easy...
You see it is actually quite tiring to keep changing, your confirmation appraisal is written by 1 boss (good review of course) then your mid year appraisal is written by another boss, then at the end you realise your year end appraisal is going to be written by another boss. You built rapport with someone, look forward to learning from the person and you feel settled down, then realise the person is leaving due to 're-' (yes it is the this word again, in fact you can fill in a few variations). Of course there are good things like retirement and promotion (this is the exception of 're').
The good thing about this is that I am always making new friends......
Sunday, December 20, 2009
When We Were Young And Forgotten Memories...
I wanted to do my work or research on investments but then I decided that this is more important...This afternoon I decided to take out this box which I have kept for many years... I can't remember for how long and they contain the memories I shared with Ms K... You see as humans, we sometimes forget if not most of the times...
As I went to took out the box, I found this picture... and then I remember this is my favourite picture with Ms K... Thank you God that it is still with me...
Sometimes we forget that the most important things are actually with us... and that we already possess it... We keep pursuing our dreams of an ideal career, doing what we like, travelling around the world, climbing the corporate ladder, doing a great job, gain fame, make a name, being popular... In the midst of these, it has blinded us... We can see but we don't look... We can hear but we don't listen... We are told but we don't understand...
We have forgotten God, the creator... We have forgotten our parents, who brought us up... We have forgotten our love, the person who love you... We have forgotten to spend time on things that is important... Making money is important you might say... You are right... But I am sure Tiger Woods would give up his money to be with his wife and kids, and to keep those 14, 15 or 16 women away from him... Those women didn't love him, I am sure he didn't love them too... Then why spend time with people whom you don't love and people who don't love you?
In the chaotic world of grabbing more wealth... so that we can live in a bigger house... fly to farway countries... eat expensive meals... remember all these problems or desires can be solve when you realise that you don't need them...
When you were young, you didn't need these... So don't forget...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
ABCD ENTP
In case you think I did not pass my kindergarden, I do know my ABCDs. I know that the alphabet 'F' comes after 'E'. To prove that I pass my kindergarden I am going to recite all the 24 alphabets to you... Or is it 26... Anyway I am sure we can all live without 2 alphabets in our language...
I am sure almost everybody loves to do personality test, despite knowing myself for almost 27 years, I still can't figure myself out... So Ms Poots recommended me to take the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). So to take the test, go here... It's simple, you only need to answer 300 questions...
www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/
Actually only 60 plus questions...
Ok after you do the test, you will get 4 magical alphabets, here is how it works, you are either
(E)xtrovert or (I)ntrovert
(S)ensing or i(N)tuitive
(T)hinking or (F)eeling
(J)udging or (P)erceiving
Here is a sample of my result... As you can see it also recommends suitable careers for you... I knew I was in the wrong job!
I should have been an international spy assassin... Look at what keeps popping up... International spy, fbi agent, cia agent, assassin, fighter pilot, private detective etc... I am James Bond yay...
Looking at my overall personality as a ENTP, I am sure Ms K will agree that I am disorganized, insensitive, messy, careless, crazy and acts without thinking... But I must say that these are all not true because as an ENTP, the one description that sums up the whole passage is "I am just carefree"...
I am sure almost everybody loves to do personality test, despite knowing myself for almost 27 years, I still can't figure myself out... So Ms Poots recommended me to take the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). So to take the test, go here... It's simple, you only need to answer 300 questions...
www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/
Actually only 60 plus questions...
Ok after you do the test, you will get 4 magical alphabets, here is how it works, you are either
(E)xtrovert or (I)ntrovert
(S)ensing or i(N)tuitive
(T)hinking or (F)eeling
(J)udging or (P)erceiving
Here is a sample of my result... As you can see it also recommends suitable careers for you... I knew I was in the wrong job!
I should have been an international spy assassin... Look at what keeps popping up... International spy, fbi agent, cia agent, assassin, fighter pilot, private detective etc... I am James Bond yay...Looking at my overall personality as a ENTP, I am sure Ms K will agree that I am disorganized, insensitive, messy, careless, crazy and acts without thinking... But I must say that these are all not true because as an ENTP, the one description that sums up the whole passage is "I am just carefree"...
Monday, September 28, 2009
The Village and a Bowl of Crappy Soup 1
Once upon a time, there was a great village chief who has a strange habit. The strange habit is to gather all the villagers every Monday morning to discuss on how to cook soup. You see, the village actually sells soup for a living, thus we pay utmost attention to it. Cooking soup is not easy and we have dedicated the art of cooking soup for more than 100 years. It is a tedious process and you will see why...
So every Monday morning, the villagers, all 30 of us will sit around a oval table. And then we will go through something call 'Minutes'. It is a detailed ancient historical record of who say what and what say who. I never quite understand why it was called 'Minutes' when the soup meeting actually took 'Hours'. I mean you need time to cook the soup right?
Every now and then the great village chief will ask around the oval table on what we should do with our lives, sorry I meant what new soup we should cook. That's because we have been selling the same vegetable soup for more than 100 years, yes it has make lots of money for the village but we need to cook up something new for whatever reason...
The village chief one day finally decides to put a big black pot in the middle of the table. Being an inclusive leader, she wants all the villagers to contribute to the whole soup cooking process. There is nothing more that she likes than to discuss cooking soup thoroughly because everyone has to love it! Being dedicated to soup making, the great village chief divided the villagers into the following,
1. Cooking Soup Team
- They are the ones that cook the soup
2. Packaging Soup Team
- They decides things as simple as the type of bowl to hold the soup
3. Analysing Soup Team
- They analyse things like how many litres of soup were sold in a day
4. Soup Distribution Team
- They think of new ways to bring the soup to you like a soup dispensing machine
To be Continue...
So every Monday morning, the villagers, all 30 of us will sit around a oval table. And then we will go through something call 'Minutes'. It is a detailed ancient historical record of who say what and what say who. I never quite understand why it was called 'Minutes' when the soup meeting actually took 'Hours'. I mean you need time to cook the soup right?
Every now and then the great village chief will ask around the oval table on what we should do with our lives, sorry I meant what new soup we should cook. That's because we have been selling the same vegetable soup for more than 100 years, yes it has make lots of money for the village but we need to cook up something new for whatever reason...
The village chief one day finally decides to put a big black pot in the middle of the table. Being an inclusive leader, she wants all the villagers to contribute to the whole soup cooking process. There is nothing more that she likes than to discuss cooking soup thoroughly because everyone has to love it! Being dedicated to soup making, the great village chief divided the villagers into the following,
1. Cooking Soup Team
- They are the ones that cook the soup
2. Packaging Soup Team
- They decides things as simple as the type of bowl to hold the soup
3. Analysing Soup Team
- They analyse things like how many litres of soup were sold in a day
4. Soup Distribution Team
- They think of new ways to bring the soup to you like a soup dispensing machine
To be Continue...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)