Where was I...

I was thinking about one year ago where was I and what was I doing...

I was at that time moving to a new job from a company that I have fond memories of...

One year on, I had 2 family members who passed away, my father got ill and recovered, I moved back to doing marketing from the advertising industry, I travelled to more countries due to work and I start to have more white hair...

Although it seems like many things have happened, however I wasn't quite sure where was I in the past one year...

Change My Mind

Sometimes you don't need to change people's minds because sometimes it doesn't hurt you for them to think that way.

You know how sometimes people post about their thoughts on internet like social networks, blogs, forums etc. And people will disagree, debate and correct each other...

Sometimes it is important, however some of the time it is not.

Don't bother live longer......

The Woman in the Small Cute Shoes

"What is it that you actually want for yourself?"

JY, standing at an impressive height of 1.58m, with her petite frame and small feet, trying to match my pace while we were walking to Nicholl Highway to grab a cab, asked me.

Before that I told her I wanted to earn a mountain of money, so that my parents will not worry about medical bills, I will be able to support my brother in whatever he wants to do and most importantly I will feel safe.

"But you wanted a mountain of money because of other people, so what is it that you actually wanted for yourself?" JY continued.

I couldn't answer her question.

It never struck me what I really wanted for myself.

In one of my usual diffusion tactic, I deflect the question back to her because I can't answer her question.

"So what do you want to do for yourself?" Pineapple Tat asked.

JY told me she wants to see the world before she gets married and to repay her parents for their investments in her studies.

Some people tell me that JY is a girl, I always tell them she is a woman. Hiding behind her girlish laughter, kiddish voice and small cute shoes, is a woman who impress me with her thoughts sometimes.

Yes it took a 22 years old, now almost 23 years old woman to make a 29 years old man realise what is it that he really wants.

Maybe after she has travelled around the world twice, repaid her parents 5 times over, I would still not know what I really want......

Don't Just Run Away

I just had an "UH HUH!" moment.

I realised that running away does not solve problems.

Maybe running and hiding will.

If it cannot find you, it doesn't exist......

What Else

I once read somewhere that you can be alone but not lonely.

And you can be in a crowd and still feel lonely.

Today I just realised something new.

Solitude is peace but sometimes it can be deafening too.

With all those voices in your head debating.

Once things screw up, cannot be unscrewed.

What is said, cannot be recovered.

What is done, cannot be undone.

I think I am feeling this way probably because I had too much caffeine, not enough sleep yesterday, more reading stuff to tackle plus the defeaning solitude makes me A Pessismistically Angry Self Centred Philosopher......

November Emptiness

Being isolated away from the world, coping at home sometimes force me to wonder about life, why I am doing what I am doing, what I am thinking, how am I going to spend the rest of my life and should I just not think at all.

Is what we want really what we want?

Is what we think really correct?

And what is actually going on?

Maybe I am just a boy in a man's body, who just want to eat, sleep and play...

Or is that really what I want......

Life is like a train

In one of my random memories, it was once described that life is like a train.

As we travel through the journey of life, many different people will board into your train at different stations of your life. Many will also alight at different stations of your life.

Some people will ride for one stop, some a few stops, some many stops and some will board, alight and board again. You never know who you will see, who you will meet and who you will never see again.

As I move to the next station of my life, sometimes I do wonder about those people who have alighted from my train, if I will ever see them again......

Run

Sometimes I feel like running away...

Run as far as possible...

Run away from everything...

Run into hiding...

Run so that nothing will catch up with you...

Run and leave everything behind...

But... where can you run to......

The App That I Think I Need To Download

Yesterday I read an article from Askman.com on “Apps for girls”, the article mention that there are 10 apps that men shouldn’t be caught dead with.

Suddenly it dawn on me on why my life is constantly dramatic. That's because I am always working in an environment with so many women. Downloading a PMS Tracker may actually make my life better. (Ok very unmanly I know)

According to Wikipedia, there are “specific emotional and physical symptoms attribute to PMS”. (Sounds dangerous)

And it happens “ten days prior to menses”. (That’s a long time)

This is the killer: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).” (Wow…)

Counting the number of women in my team from a photo, there are 11 of them. So 11 x 10 days = 110 days. It’s once a month so 11 x 10 days x 12 months = 1,320 days (Hmmm that’s a lot of days). There is only 365 days a year, so 1,320 / 365 = 360% (Huge percentage!)

The figures 360% and the over 200 symptoms seems like a lot of irritability, tension and dysphoria in a month and I am not sure how I can manage that.

Thus I have concluded that I need the PMS Tracker in my phone, so that I can tweak my communication with every woman depending on their moods for those 10 days. (Very clever, pat on the back)

Now I need another app to tell me how to ask a woman when her PMS is……

Every day is a new day

Every day is a new day.

That is what I tell myself.

Although there will be residuals of yesterday.

But a night of sleep brings new hope when you open your eyes.

For you know the residuals of yesterday are just yesterday.

Today is today.

Everybody is born with different circumstances.

So the residuals of yesterday are the new set of circumstances today.

And then tomorrow again will be a new day.

I have forgotten yesterday.

I cannot remember today.

And I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Blessed and Maybe...

I have always been blessed in what I wanted to do...

I remember 4 years ago, with only an A Level cert, I went looking for a job, not knowing that I was naive to ask for a marketing job with a not so high qualification. A lady from a recruitment firm even looked pissed when I mention that I wanted to work in marketing. She was quite rude and I hope she is not a receptionist anymore.

At that time, I was praying to God to find me a marketing job. I ended up taking a sales job in a bank selling credit cards. Miraculously I got into marketing after just 1 month with the same bank doing credit cards marketing. It was a great job and one of my happiest times. I learned a lot, met some good people and it was glamourous. There are many perks like free concert tickets, free mooncakes, free treats and lots of pretty office ladies. I worked late often but was happy as I was passionate about the work.

Later I got into another bank doing credit cards dining programme. I met lots of restaurant owners in the course of work. Eating and drinking was part of the job while negotiating for deals. It was a good experience but at that time I wanted something more fulfilling other than meeting quotas and I always wanted to try advertising.

I prayed to God again to allow me to get into the best media agency in the country. In the end I did get an interview but later there was a hiring freeze for that agency. At that time, I thought my dream of getting into advertising was over, my dream of getting into a media agency was gone forever and I can only imagine what it was like to work in one.

A year and a half later, miraculously I got into the best media agency in the country. God has answered all my prayers on what I wanted to do. That is why I have always encourage people to follow their dreams and to do what they like. Because I believe if you do what you like, money will definitely come later.

However after all these years I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness... Not that my pockets are empty... I have enough to eat and I have the opportunity to do things that I like... But I felt empty... Something seem to be missing but I don't know what...

Maybe I am just tired... Maybe I am wrong about some things... Maybe I have forgotten about God......

Life As You Know It

As I look at my grandfather lying on the bed with an oxygen face mask strap to his face breathing heavily... Feeling weak, he needed assistance in breathing. Looking frail, hands swollen and with all the tubes going through his body, it is a helpless sight...

I look at his face, eyes half open, falling into sleep and then opening his eyes and then falling back into sleep... The machines around him had many numbers and lines, seem like life can be measured by numbers and charts.

Sometimes I thought how would you measure your life? By the amount of money in the bank, the number of women you have been with or the way your career has progress up the charts.

My uncle told me my grandfather used to earn lots of money as a businessman selling 2nd hand cars because it was big in the past, he was seen with many different women and drove many types of cars. He once gave me an advice on women, never be with a woman more capable than you because she will control you (He was once with a career woman I heard). Though I don't agree with that. (In fact, I like women who are taller, smarter, older, richer and more beautiful than me)

I continue to look at him, thinking... Is this how your life is going to end? So what if you were rich before... So what if many women have chased after you... So what if you were successful... Now lying in bed, money squandered, the women you have been in the past are not by your bedside, success is in the past. Children are exasperated by your behaviour because they think you are acting and creating trouble to get money for your mistress.

Sometimes my grandfather reminds me of my Dad, will it be the same ending? Lying in bed... Children and wife disappointed... I look at my Dad... I think of myself... Life as you know it could be the same......

Too many things to read

You know how women have the guilty (or not guilty) pleasure of buying lots of shoes, bags, clothes, earrings, or painting your nails at riduculous prices which no one will notice etc... You know the "buy lots of things but seldom use them" kind of things. Oh yah... Painting nails does not fall into this category...

Actually I too have a guilty pleasure in this category which is books. I love to buy books and hog them, even keep textbooks, I buy books just like how women buy shoes. You buy a lot but seldom wore them. In my case, with a little difference, I do read them but I don't finish reading.

Sometimes, I buy a book and I could just read a few pages and forget to read it again. The reason is not that I lost interest in the book, the reason is that there are too many things to read! Imagine reading newspapers, textbooks (if you are studying), magazines that you subscribed, your emails newsletters, library books that you borrowed and books that you have bought. Including the normal life that you are leading, like spending time with people, that don't really leave a lot of time for reading everything...

I saw this book review on The Shallows by Nicholas Carr (maybe I should buy it), what it writes about is how internet has change the way our brain think. It has make us less focus and introspective because now there is too much information. We are now skimming through information instead of digesting it and focusing on a topic at a time. I always felt it is a waste not to be able to have enough time to think and read well.

Maybe when I have decided to take a year rest from work, I can finally finish reading all the books I have bought. Or maybe after that I should become a librarian, so that I can have access to all the knowledge that I want. Or maybe I should think about why I want to read about so many stuff......

Back to My Normal Life?

Finally my exams are over... Being cope at home and studying for exams nearly drive me nuts. I always thought I am someone who can stay at home and do my own stuff, my personality test is right, I am a extraverted person who needs to draw (or suck) energy from people...

During the time of being cope up at home for 2 weeks, it suddenly dawn on me that I miss my friends and I actually have not met any group of friends for 2 and a half months (excluding the friends I made on course) because of studies and work. It dawn on me when I was eating alone at a food court near my house...

If you realised that I have been using Facebook more often than before, it is because it helps me to stay connected to the outside world... You should try only going to a few places for weeks... Home... Office... Oglivy Centre...Home... Office... Ogilvy Centre... Then exams period... Home... Foodcourt... SIM... Home Foodcourt... SIM... If you can stand it, then you must be an introvert or your foodcourt must really sell good food...

I felt so cope up even when taking the bus and train going to Orchard after exams yesterday, I felt suffocated, stuck and want to get out quickly for fresh breath. When I finally reach Somerset... It was a breath of fresh seeing crowd, vibrancity (not sure got this word but can invent yay), lights, buildings, shops...

Studies are over for now... Time to think about other important things... Like where should I eat tomorrow besides that foodcourt downstairs...

What You Have VS How You Compare To Others

An excerpt from the blog below. How people look at their life in terms of relative size (how you compare to others) instead of absoulute size (what you have)... Think about it... Are you in this trap...


http://sgbluechip.blogspot.com/2010/04/is-singapore-really-that-bad.html

"Robert H. Frank, professor of economics at Cornell University, says that most people find the first option more attractive. When it comes to salaries, we care more about relative size than absolute size. What matters most is earning more than our neighbours.


The same holds true for all sorts of things. The actual size of our apartment matters less than its size compared to everyone else's. And most of us will settle for a modest car - provided our neighbour is driving something worse.

It is a sobering thought. We assume that getting a pay rise, or moving into a new apartment, or trading-up to a better car will bring us increased levels of happiness and satisfaction. In fact, many of us simply raise the bar on what counts as adequate.


We work longer hours, earn more, spend more and consume more. Meanwhile, everyone else does the same. So, by comparison, we are no better off, and therefore no happier.

How true?"

The Talented Mr Pineapple Tat

"Everyone is talented, its whether your talent can help you make money or not... If sleeping is a talent, I would have make lots of money..." (Ms Sim's husband).

A lot of times, we thought being talented means being successful. A man can be talented in making origami but does not make as much money as someone who is talented in numbers, who can make lots of money from the stock market. If the right talent is in the right job, that person will be more successful. Certain talents are more suited for commercial success, others are more suitable for leisure success like sleeping.

A lot times, we thought being smart means making lots of money. A smart man can choose not to make as much money, so as not to be too stress or to attract trouble that money brings with it. It includes unwanted attention from materialistic women, friends who are with you for your generiosity and envy from enemies.

I always thought women like talented men. When I was young, I asked my first girlfriend what she liked about me... She said nothing, look out of the bus window and smile. I asked another girlfriend what my talent is... She thought for while... And then told me that I will find my talent soon. I asked Ms K what she liked about me and my good points... She told me my good point is that I don't mind that she is fat. Then she asked me what I liked about her, I told her I like her because she don't mind that I am ugly...

I always tell people man are created to walk that is why I am fine that I can't swim, cycle, rollerblade and drive a plane (plus a car and anything with wheels). So I can only participate in a monothlon and not a triathlon because out of running, cycling and swimming, I can only do one.

Ok so if I have no talent and women still like me (including my mother and grandmother), does it mean women like talentless man like me? I believe so.... Here is why, all little girls dream of marrying a prince yay... Since there are no perfect man in the world or rather the dream guy doesn't really exist, isn't it better to pick someone who is like a blank sheet of paper and mold into what you want. If not, pick someone who has lots of flaws and change him from there, that is quite an achievement too. Will you give up something that you have put in lots of effort in?

I am still not sure what I am good in and what my talents are, so I am going to organized a writing competition and the composition will be "Talented Mr Pineapple Tat". Write in less than 100 words what you think Mr Pineapple Tat's talents are. Winners will win a free autograph from me......

Otherwise

I realised I have not listen to the radio for some time. I found out that I can focus on my school work better without background music. I used to thought otherwise...

I have many books I want to read but there are so many things to read plus my texbooks. Speed reading through something seem like shortchanging yourself. When I was younger, I believe you have to read a book from page 1 to the last in the correct order. As I grew older, I thought otherwise... Now I skip pages and read the parts that I like.

When I had western food in the past, I used to finish all the side dishes like the coleslaw, french fries and baked beans and left the meat till the last to be enjoyed. Now I thought otherwise... Now I enjoy all my food altogether, a bit of meat here, a bite of fries there, a scoop of baked beans and a taste of coleslaw.

When I just started work, I wanted to be successful and to have accomplishments. Along the way, I see people cry, I see people go into depression, I see people argue, I see people doing petty acts, I see people disrespect other people, I see people fight, I see people torture people, I see people gossip, I see myself participating... Now I thought otherwise... These people lead an unhappy life and success comes in many definitions, not the title you have on your namecard, in your email, the money you earned, how much you can do or what you can do. In the end, what people can offer is a "well done".

I am someone who is afraid of dying... Ain't most of us? Now I thought otherwise... If you believe you will go to heaven after your mortal life has passed, isn't dying a better option than living on this crappy earth where there are wars and natural disasters, you have to work to live, you will fall sick, you will feel sad when bad things happen because we all have emotions.

Does it dawn to you that these are all true? Or did you thought otherwise......

When We Were Young And Forgotten Memories...

I wanted to do my work or research on investments but then I decided that this is more important...

This afternoon I decided to take out this box which I have kept for many years... I can't remember for how long and they contain the memories I shared with Ms K... You see as humans, we sometimes forget if not most of the times...

As I went to took out the box, I found this picture... and then I remember this is my favourite picture with Ms K... Thank you God that it is still with me...

Sometimes we forget that the most important things are actually with us... and that we already possess it... We keep pursuing our dreams of an ideal career, doing what we like, travelling around the world, climbing the corporate ladder, doing a great job, gain fame, make a name, being popular... In the midst of these, it has blinded us... We can see but we don't look... We can hear but we don't listen... We are told but we don't understand...

We have forgotten God, the creator... We have forgotten our parents, who brought us up... We have forgotten our love, the person who love you... We have forgotten to spend time on things that is important... Making money is important you might say... You are right... But I am sure Tiger Woods would give up his money to be with his wife and kids, and to keep those 14, 15 or 16 women away from him... Those women didn't love him, I am sure he didn't love them too... Then why spend time with people whom you don't love and people who don't love you?

In the chaotic world of grabbing more wealth... so that we can live in a bigger house... fly to farway countries... eat expensive meals... remember all these problems or desires can be solve when you realise that you don't need them...

When you were young, you didn't need these... So don't forget...

Not Just Do It But What To Do

Do you often have the thought of what to do with your life?

As you move along life, maybe drifting... floating... Or flying...

You earn lots of money but have no one to share your success with...

You thought of other people as incapable and they think the same of you...

You sit in a high position and people are afraid of you but your child is sick...

You compare, you compete, you backstab, you plot, you carry balls, you lied, no one likes you and what did you get...

In the end... When God comes to take your life... the achievements... the money... the house... the company... nothing... nothing can be carry with you... Pity those people who struggle internally to sustain achievements but have no real joy... Pity those people who thought they have won but have lose... Pity those people that struggle daily to keep their status... Pity those people who in the end wanted to achieve happiness the wrong way...

Are you one of them...

ABCD ENTP

In case you think I did not pass my kindergarden, I do know my ABCDs. I know that the alphabet 'F' comes after 'E'. To prove that I pass my kindergarden I am going to recite all the 24 alphabets to you... Or is it 26... Anyway I am sure we can all live without 2 alphabets in our language...


I am sure almost everybody loves to do personality test, despite knowing myself for almost 27 years, I still can't figure myself out... So Ms Poots recommended me to take the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). So to take the test, go here... It's simple, you only need to answer 300 questions...

www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/

Actually only 60 plus questions...

Ok after you do the test, you will get 4 magical alphabets, here is how it works, you are either

(E)xtrovert or (I)ntrovert
(S)ensing or i(N)tuitive
(T)hinking or (F)eeling
(J)udging or (P)erceiving

Here is a sample of my result... As you can see it also recommends suitable careers for you... I knew I was in the wrong job!

I should have been an international spy assassin... Look at what keeps popping up... International spy, fbi agent, cia agent, assassin, fighter pilot, private detective etc... I am James Bond yay...

Looking at my overall personality as a ENTP, I am sure Ms K will agree that I am disorganized, insensitive, messy, careless, crazy and acts without thinking... But I must say that these are all not true because as an ENTP, the one description that sums up the whole passage is "I am just carefree"...