Sometimes I feel like running away...
Run as far as possible...
Run away from everything...
Run into hiding...
Run so that nothing will catch up with you...
Run and leave everything behind...
But... where can you run to......
Sunday, November 06, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
4 Seconds
Every morning when I am going to the office from the Lavendar train station, I would always need to cross this 10 metre wide North Bridge Road in 20 seconds. That’s because the traffic light has a digital timer counting down from the 'green walking man' to the 'red standing man'.
One day, I decided to challenge JY to cross this 10 metre wide road in 4 seconds for no reason. It would be an impressive feat for her especially when she stands at an impressive height of 1.58m, which means she didn’t have long walking legs. Unfortunately she really took up the challenge for no reason...
I guess her pride was at stake and she needed to prove it to a 1.71m man who is 0.13m taller than her. In anyway she doesn’t believe I am that tall and claims that I am only as tall as her father, which I suspect she must have put her father and my photo side by side to measure. Similarly I also don’t believe she is that short because I think she should be 2cm shorter.
The day came when JY and I were going for lunch and we were to cross this 10 metre wide North Bridge Road chasm. This was her chance to prove it. We waited for the digital timer to count down till 4 seconds remaining and then walked across. She seemingly float through the road in 4 seconds coolly and doesn’t seem to be making much of an effort to walk fast. While I was like ‘how come I can’t finish crossing it in 4 seconds’ and was like going to sprint. We must have looked silly in front of those drivers waiting for us to cross the road, I am quite sure...
After this silly incident, every time when I have to cross this North Bridge Road, I would always look at the timer and think of ‘4 seconds’, because I knew there was once I played a silly little game with a 1.58m woman who has proved to me that short walking legs is not a barrier to crossing a road in 4 seconds.
Not too long ago, JY and I were crossing this North Bridge Road again and we talk about crossing it in 4 seconds again. I told her the digital timer is gone and I suspect the traffic police knew about the dangerous little game we were playing and took it away……
(The digital timer is actually still there, I really thought it was gone that day)
One day, I decided to challenge JY to cross this 10 metre wide road in 4 seconds for no reason. It would be an impressive feat for her especially when she stands at an impressive height of 1.58m, which means she didn’t have long walking legs. Unfortunately she really took up the challenge for no reason...
I guess her pride was at stake and she needed to prove it to a 1.71m man who is 0.13m taller than her. In anyway she doesn’t believe I am that tall and claims that I am only as tall as her father, which I suspect she must have put her father and my photo side by side to measure. Similarly I also don’t believe she is that short because I think she should be 2cm shorter.
The day came when JY and I were going for lunch and we were to cross this 10 metre wide North Bridge Road chasm. This was her chance to prove it. We waited for the digital timer to count down till 4 seconds remaining and then walked across. She seemingly float through the road in 4 seconds coolly and doesn’t seem to be making much of an effort to walk fast. While I was like ‘how come I can’t finish crossing it in 4 seconds’ and was like going to sprint. We must have looked silly in front of those drivers waiting for us to cross the road, I am quite sure...
After this silly incident, every time when I have to cross this North Bridge Road, I would always look at the timer and think of ‘4 seconds’, because I knew there was once I played a silly little game with a 1.58m woman who has proved to me that short walking legs is not a barrier to crossing a road in 4 seconds.
Not too long ago, JY and I were crossing this North Bridge Road again and we talk about crossing it in 4 seconds again. I told her the digital timer is gone and I suspect the traffic police knew about the dangerous little game we were playing and took it away……
(The digital timer is actually still there, I really thought it was gone that day)
My Work Buddy Van
Van yesterday night asked me to please introduce guys to her because her mum has been nagging her to get married and she could not take it anymore.
As a good buddy, I told her to look through my Facebook and choose who she likes. Then the next step would be to introduce these selected unlucky men… no I mean lucky men to her.
Actually I have suspected all along, she wanted me to introduce men to her but did not directly ask me. Instead she has been dropping subtle hints and as a man, it is natural that I am oblivious to it until it became clear today. (It just struck me)
The conversations at work and lunches all along were constructed to tell me the kind of men she likes.
Like showing me pictures of men whom she thinks is good-looking, telling me how other men are doing silly (my own interpretation) stuff for her, her past relationships and what kind of men her mum likes. She also once gave me an MCQ test on choosing between three women in the office whom I would date, which I now suspect its a plot for me to ask her back the same question, so that she can indicate her favourite three.
And she often subtly hints to me her virtues, so that when I speak to my men friends, I am able to craft out a picture of an almost perfect woman.
She tell me her everyday mundane things like how she likes to clean the toilet, how she must do housework and how thrifty she is plus all the assets that are under her name.
So if you like a woman who can clean a toilet well (read: responsible), have assets (read: rich), thrifty (means everything you pay), indecisive (means you can make all the decisions), and obedient (means no argument) and naggy (means she is caring), please drop me a note on my blog and I will get in touch with you soon… Oh and also attached a full body photo indicating your height... And your income documents… Men who are good-looking or think they are good-looking are encouraged to apply......
As a good buddy, I told her to look through my Facebook and choose who she likes. Then the next step would be to introduce these selected unlucky men… no I mean lucky men to her.
Actually I have suspected all along, she wanted me to introduce men to her but did not directly ask me. Instead she has been dropping subtle hints and as a man, it is natural that I am oblivious to it until it became clear today. (It just struck me)
The conversations at work and lunches all along were constructed to tell me the kind of men she likes.
Like showing me pictures of men whom she thinks is good-looking, telling me how other men are doing silly (my own interpretation) stuff for her, her past relationships and what kind of men her mum likes. She also once gave me an MCQ test on choosing between three women in the office whom I would date, which I now suspect its a plot for me to ask her back the same question, so that she can indicate her favourite three.
And she often subtly hints to me her virtues, so that when I speak to my men friends, I am able to craft out a picture of an almost perfect woman.
She tell me her everyday mundane things like how she likes to clean the toilet, how she must do housework and how thrifty she is plus all the assets that are under her name.
So if you like a woman who can clean a toilet well (read: responsible), have assets (read: rich), thrifty (means everything you pay), indecisive (means you can make all the decisions), and obedient (means no argument) and naggy (means she is caring), please drop me a note on my blog and I will get in touch with you soon… Oh and also attached a full body photo indicating your height... And your income documents… Men who are good-looking or think they are good-looking are encouraged to apply......
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Weekends Gone
I am going nuts.
Coping at home to do my work, my body is flooded with caffeine, my sleeps are filled with dreams for 3 days, my back is aching with pain for sitting too long and my brain is tired from all the thinking...
As an extrovert, I need external stimuli which will boost my mood, too much solitude can make me bored (Btw being bored means the "existential condition of meaninglessness), no, go crazy.
Thinking that surfing Facebook is as good as keeping me connect with the outside world is naive.
My weekends are just gone like that again......
Coping at home to do my work, my body is flooded with caffeine, my sleeps are filled with dreams for 3 days, my back is aching with pain for sitting too long and my brain is tired from all the thinking...
As an extrovert, I need external stimuli which will boost my mood, too much solitude can make me bored (Btw being bored means the "existential condition of meaninglessness), no, go crazy.
Thinking that surfing Facebook is as good as keeping me connect with the outside world is naive.
My weekends are just gone like that again......
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Why I don't like to ask a woman out
We all know men are constantly thinking of how to ask a woman out. It is such an agony to think of the perfect way to ask her out and a daunting challenge to make her say “yes”.
Lots of thinking goes into crafting the right message strategy (what – a direct question, give a good excuse, tell a great story etc.), choosing the right media (where - SMS, email, word of mouth or write a letter), and the creative execution (how – write your invitation on an origami).
You might say all you have to do is just ask. Like my friend Ms Mill who always says “You think too much.” What Ms Mill doesn’t understand is, to us men, we want 100% success. No man asks a woman expecting a “no”. We want something that’s why we ask.
The worse is when they give you an answer like, “See first”, “See how” or “See if the world will end tomorrow” answers, so are we supposed to ask again?
Thus after multiple rejection throughout the years, I decided to just asked again even though she already said “no” 2 days ago.
I SMS her, “You really don’t want to eat dinner together today?” She replied “At jpt?”
I finally got an indirect “Yes”. Women just wouldn’t say yes right. At last, the woman who rejects me the most in my lifetime, my mother, has agreed to eat dinner with her own son. It’s her birthday, of course we should go out.
Unlike my mother-in-law who loves to go out, my mother likes to stay at home and watch Korean drama, instead of going out with her son who is more charming than the Korean men. I mean they all have fake organs like their nose, what is more charming than authenticity like me?
As we all know, women like to perform stunt (Stunt is define as a woman performing a remarkable feat that leaves you speechless). And thanks to Samsung Galaxy S2 for having a battery life as short as a public phone, my mother actually change her mind and SMS me that we should eat another day, which I didn’t received.
I called her and told her I am already on my way to the restaurant and didn’t saw that message. Well luckily, my mum still (a) has a conscience, (b) touched by my persistence and sincerity (c) change her mind again or (d) All of the above.
No matter what I still got to eat dinner with my mother and I still don’t like to ask a woman out……
Lots of thinking goes into crafting the right message strategy (what – a direct question, give a good excuse, tell a great story etc.), choosing the right media (where - SMS, email, word of mouth or write a letter), and the creative execution (how – write your invitation on an origami).
You might say all you have to do is just ask. Like my friend Ms Mill who always says “You think too much.” What Ms Mill doesn’t understand is, to us men, we want 100% success. No man asks a woman expecting a “no”. We want something that’s why we ask.
The worse is when they give you an answer like, “See first”, “See how” or “See if the world will end tomorrow” answers, so are we supposed to ask again?
Thus after multiple rejection throughout the years, I decided to just asked again even though she already said “no” 2 days ago.
I SMS her, “You really don’t want to eat dinner together today?” She replied “At jpt?”
I finally got an indirect “Yes”. Women just wouldn’t say yes right. At last, the woman who rejects me the most in my lifetime, my mother, has agreed to eat dinner with her own son. It’s her birthday, of course we should go out.
Unlike my mother-in-law who loves to go out, my mother likes to stay at home and watch Korean drama, instead of going out with her son who is more charming than the Korean men. I mean they all have fake organs like their nose, what is more charming than authenticity like me?
As we all know, women like to perform stunt (Stunt is define as a woman performing a remarkable feat that leaves you speechless). And thanks to Samsung Galaxy S2 for having a battery life as short as a public phone, my mother actually change her mind and SMS me that we should eat another day, which I didn’t received.
I called her and told her I am already on my way to the restaurant and didn’t saw that message. Well luckily, my mum still (a) has a conscience, (b) touched by my persistence and sincerity (c) change her mind again or (d) All of the above.
No matter what I still got to eat dinner with my mother and I still don’t like to ask a woman out……
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The App That I Think I Need To Download
Yesterday I read an article from Askman.com on “Apps for girls”, the article mention that there are 10 apps that men shouldn’t be caught dead with.
Suddenly it dawn on me on why my life is constantly dramatic. That's because I am always working in an environment with so many women. Downloading a PMS Tracker may actually make my life better. (Ok very unmanly I know)
According to Wikipedia, there are “specific emotional and physical symptoms attribute to PMS”. (Sounds dangerous)
And it happens “ten days prior to menses”. (That’s a long time)
This is the killer: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).” (Wow…)
Counting the number of women in my team from a photo, there are 11 of them. So 11 x 10 days = 110 days. It’s once a month so 11 x 10 days x 12 months = 1,320 days (Hmmm that’s a lot of days). There is only 365 days a year, so 1,320 / 365 = 360% (Huge percentage!)
The figures 360% and the over 200 symptoms seems like a lot of irritability, tension and dysphoria in a month and I am not sure how I can manage that.
Thus I have concluded that I need the PMS Tracker in my phone, so that I can tweak my communication with every woman depending on their moods for those 10 days. (Very clever, pat on the back)
Now I need another app to tell me how to ask a woman when her PMS is……
Suddenly it dawn on me on why my life is constantly dramatic. That's because I am always working in an environment with so many women. Downloading a PMS Tracker may actually make my life better. (Ok very unmanly I know)
According to Wikipedia, there are “specific emotional and physical symptoms attribute to PMS”. (Sounds dangerous)
And it happens “ten days prior to menses”. (That’s a long time)
This is the killer: “More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).” (Wow…)
Counting the number of women in my team from a photo, there are 11 of them. So 11 x 10 days = 110 days. It’s once a month so 11 x 10 days x 12 months = 1,320 days (Hmmm that’s a lot of days). There is only 365 days a year, so 1,320 / 365 = 360% (Huge percentage!)
The figures 360% and the over 200 symptoms seems like a lot of irritability, tension and dysphoria in a month and I am not sure how I can manage that.
Thus I have concluded that I need the PMS Tracker in my phone, so that I can tweak my communication with every woman depending on their moods for those 10 days. (Very clever, pat on the back)
Now I need another app to tell me how to ask a woman when her PMS is……
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
A Letter To Clarissa
As you can see from my reaction in the picture, I am not too sure how to handle the affection of a three-year-old woman when she wanted to kiss me.
After Mummy Jenny saw the picture, she mentioned that she have not yet taught her daughter on how to handle guys since girls should not take the initiative so quickly. This is because guys like girls who are challenging.
I advised Mummy Jenny better not teach her daughter to be challenging because the women in my office are also challenging and most of them are still single.
Anyway since I feel guilty about avoiding Clarissa that day, I shall give Clarissa 3 tips on how to be a challenging woman.
Based on my 29 years of experience talking to women (and still not good at handling them), here are the 3 easiest ways to be challenging.
1. Give ambiguous answers
The more ambiguous the answer the better.
Use it to confuse men, make them read your mind and guess what you want. This will ensure that he will be thinking of you the whole day and trying to figure you out.
An example of an ambiguous answer is when he asks you a question, you reply with “what do you think?”
When a man’s face looks blank or he says “huh”, it means you have succeeded.
2. Never say yes
You can say any answer like “can”, “ok” or give a long indirect answer but just don’t say “yes”.
The theory is that it makes you look easy and not challenging if you say the word “yes”. (I think so, in fact I am not too sure about this theory)
The preferred choice is actually to give a long indirect answer. And the most useful way to do it is to first say “no” then say “yes” indirectly.
An example is a man asks you for lunch, first say “Don’t want”, then after a 3 second pause, say “anyway no one is stopping you from having lunch with me.”
Again when a man’s face looks blank or he says “huh”, it means you have succeeded.
3. Always pretend to be busy
This has something to do with the economic theory of demand and supply.
It is like your time is so scarce (rare supply/availability like diamond), that demand (theoretically) will be high because it is not easily available (read challenging).
An example is when a man asks you out, tell him that you are busy with ______ (fill in the blank) on that day and will not be able to confirm with him until ______ (fill in the blank). Make it like really last minute when you agree. Also when you finally meet him, meet for only 1 hour.
Alternatively agree to meet him then cancel the date 3 hours before saying you have something else. According to a woman friend, this is ethical because 3 hours is enough time for him to arrange another activity. If he is interested, he will (stupidly) forgive you and ask you a second time (to get tortured).
After giving you these 3 pointers, I hope these tips will help you to become the most challenging woman in Singapore.
So Clarissa, when you are 19 and realise many men are dying at your hands, remember to thank me and no you don’t owe me a kiss even if you miss it that day.
And also remember that I am the most challenging man in Singapore because you didn't get to kiss me.
Now that I feel guilty about betraying the male race, in my next post, I will teach men how to handle challenging women...
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Fortune Favours The Bold And The Crazy
“Stuck.”
I thought to myself.
“Hanging around.”
Which I don’t like to do.
“Think out of the box”
I tell myself.
“Move.”
It is the conclusion.
“Ok.”
The answer I wanted to hear.
Society is progressive, the greed of man drive progression, the ambition of man move things.
I took a gamble.
From the comfort of the strongest team to the newest team.
There is nothing.
Make or break.
I need to pull this off.
And the only way is up.
Fortune favours the bold and hopefully the crazy…
I thought to myself.
“Hanging around.”
Which I don’t like to do.
“Think out of the box”
I tell myself.
“Move.”
It is the conclusion.
“Ok.”
The answer I wanted to hear.
Society is progressive, the greed of man drive progression, the ambition of man move things.
I took a gamble.
From the comfort of the strongest team to the newest team.
There is nothing.
Make or break.
I need to pull this off.
And the only way is up.
Fortune favours the bold and hopefully the crazy…
Every day is a new day
Every day is a new day.
That is what I tell myself.
Although there will be residuals of yesterday.
But a night of sleep brings new hope when you open your eyes.
For you know the residuals of yesterday are just yesterday.
Today is today.
Everybody is born with different circumstances.
So the residuals of yesterday are the new set of circumstances today.
And then tomorrow again will be a new day.
I have forgotten yesterday.
I cannot remember today.
And I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow.
That is what I tell myself.
Although there will be residuals of yesterday.
But a night of sleep brings new hope when you open your eyes.
For you know the residuals of yesterday are just yesterday.
Today is today.
Everybody is born with different circumstances.
So the residuals of yesterday are the new set of circumstances today.
And then tomorrow again will be a new day.
I have forgotten yesterday.
I cannot remember today.
And I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Rubbish Truck Theory
Mama Sim looks like she has tears in her eyes.
She said, “You are very bad. How can you call people a rubbish truck, they have feelings too you know.”
I know.
Mama Sim was able to relate to how one man in her life qualifies as a ‘Rubbish Truck’.
I was explaining to Mama Sim about this Rubbish Truck Theory that I discovered and how it applies to a woman’s life.
Basically a ‘Rubbish Truck’ refers to a man who will always be there for you but you will never be with him. No, I am not referring to your father or the IT man you always call for help but will never go with him for lunch.
How to qualify or know that someone is a ‘Rubbish Truck’
1. You have been ‘waiting’ for this woman for months, years or centuries to be your girlfriend, wife or mistress even if she is attached.
2. When you call her and she doesn’t pick up, you will call again and again and again until she picks up. If she still doesn’t pick up, you will SMS her. She just has to reply you.
3. You are the ‘hero’ of her life. Like superman, you will always fly there when she needs help, even if she did not ask you.
Of course there are more scenarios, so basically when she needs to dump rubbish, you are always ready and there to take her rubbish. Clearing her rubbish is your priority.
Basic Uses of a Rubbish Truck
According to Mama Sim, one way she uses her rubbish truck is to purposely go out with him to make another man jealous.
Here are some other ways,
1. You want to go out and you can’t find anyone, so you call your rubbish truck to accompany you. (Male escort)
2. You want to perform some physical activities but felt incapable of, so you get your rubbish truck to carry your shopping bags, throw your old furniture etc. (Labourer)
3. You have no idea how to fix your kitchen tap, how to buy a toilet bowl, why your computer is not working etc. You get him to fix these without paying.(Technician)
4. You need transport but the bus is too slow and the train does not reach the place within a 1 metre radius but your rubbish truck can drive you there. (Chauffeur)
Really the list goes on, as you can see having a few rubbish trucks is very useful especially when different man have different talent and amount of money. (Luckily I have no talent and not much money, ok that’s beside the point)
The End of a Rubbish Truck
In the end, all rubbish trucks will either disappear when you are married or still hang around as long as they have hope or sometimes they are just used to be around you.
They can get married and still call you once in a while to update their lives with you or even seek your advice when they are deciding whether to get marry like this,
“If you tell me not to marry her, I will not marry her.”
Something like that.
Of course some rubbish trucks do become sport cars in the end which these women want to drive and bring around to show their family and friends.
Maybe hard work sometimes does work…
She said, “You are very bad. How can you call people a rubbish truck, they have feelings too you know.”
I know.
Mama Sim was able to relate to how one man in her life qualifies as a ‘Rubbish Truck’.
I was explaining to Mama Sim about this Rubbish Truck Theory that I discovered and how it applies to a woman’s life.
Basically a ‘Rubbish Truck’ refers to a man who will always be there for you but you will never be with him. No, I am not referring to your father or the IT man you always call for help but will never go with him for lunch.
How to qualify or know that someone is a ‘Rubbish Truck’
1. You have been ‘waiting’ for this woman for months, years or centuries to be your girlfriend, wife or mistress even if she is attached.
2. When you call her and she doesn’t pick up, you will call again and again and again until she picks up. If she still doesn’t pick up, you will SMS her. She just has to reply you.
3. You are the ‘hero’ of her life. Like superman, you will always fly there when she needs help, even if she did not ask you.
Of course there are more scenarios, so basically when she needs to dump rubbish, you are always ready and there to take her rubbish. Clearing her rubbish is your priority.
Basic Uses of a Rubbish Truck
According to Mama Sim, one way she uses her rubbish truck is to purposely go out with him to make another man jealous.
Here are some other ways,
1. You want to go out and you can’t find anyone, so you call your rubbish truck to accompany you. (Male escort)
2. You want to perform some physical activities but felt incapable of, so you get your rubbish truck to carry your shopping bags, throw your old furniture etc. (Labourer)
3. You have no idea how to fix your kitchen tap, how to buy a toilet bowl, why your computer is not working etc. You get him to fix these without paying.(Technician)
4. You need transport but the bus is too slow and the train does not reach the place within a 1 metre radius but your rubbish truck can drive you there. (Chauffeur)
Really the list goes on, as you can see having a few rubbish trucks is very useful especially when different man have different talent and amount of money. (Luckily I have no talent and not much money, ok that’s beside the point)
The End of a Rubbish Truck
In the end, all rubbish trucks will either disappear when you are married or still hang around as long as they have hope or sometimes they are just used to be around you.
They can get married and still call you once in a while to update their lives with you or even seek your advice when they are deciding whether to get marry like this,
“If you tell me not to marry her, I will not marry her.”
Something like that.
Of course some rubbish trucks do become sport cars in the end which these women want to drive and bring around to show their family and friends.
Maybe hard work sometimes does work…
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Women are actually very easy to understand
“Women are actually very easy to understand…”
That is a pretty bold claim coming from any 25-year-old man, especially when he is telling this to another 29-year-old man.
Last Friday, I met up with SC over beer and dinner at Nabins to catch up at an Arabian restaurant for youngsters. (I think I was in the top 10% of the age demographic there)
Talking to SC is always enlightening because he says things that you never thought of and would not expect from someone like him.
According to Myer Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which we both did the personality test together; he is supposed to be an ISTJ, which is an introvert - “ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living”.
What he has done so far
Updating me on his life, he has just quit his new job after 3 months because he was too bored being a client (he joined from an advertising agency) and started his own freelancing.
He purposely screwed up his new relationship by ‘confessing’ (that’s what he calls it) to his girlfriend on how he actually felt about their relationship because she was beginning to talk to him about their future.
He told me he has relationship commitment issue and would freak out whenever a woman talks to him about the future. He even asked me if it is wrong of him to promise a woman everything she asked, and then use it to ‘confess’ that he don’t really mean it when he wants to break up. (he use this trick quite often)
I think I punched him. (No, I am kidding, why would I do that? He is so funny)
Based on his morals (yes, he still has some left somewhere), he felt it is wrong to waste a woman’s youth and ‘park’ too long in their life. He felt it is right to end things quickly when he is not serious about it.
He says he felt painful too whenever he ends a relationship, although I am not sure which part of the body the pain comes from.
To him ‘Love’ is a concept that is being invented and Shakespeare was the one who invented it. According to him, ‘Love’ is a trend that is invented and accepted by so many people that it becomes the norm.
What he is doing now
SC is now something of a mini-guru because he is writing a book to be published, conducting workshops and speaking at conferences. No, he is not a dating guru like those that you (referring to men only) are searching online. He is a tech guy.
Women are actually very easy to understand
I know you men must have skipped the middle passages to look for the answer and you don’t really care who SC is as a person.
The principle is actually pretty simple to write, only one sentence. He said,
“Women are always looking for meaning in everything.”
Ok I know you men must be like “HUH?”
Don’t worry if you think you need more explanation on this life-saving principle, I can always arrange a meeting between you and SC for a small fee.
I think I finally almost understand women
After SC said that, I think I am really on my way to almost understanding women.
Now I think I can understand why whenever I asked a woman question, they would always reply my question with another question.
That is because they are looking for meaning in my question, although I am not too sure why.
However after replying my question with a question, and then I reply their question with a question like “why can’t you just answer my question?” They would always accuse me of being overconfident.
One day, I decided to ask a member of the female race, why does this same scenario keep repeating in my life. She said that’s because the problem lies with me.
HUH? ……
That is a pretty bold claim coming from any 25-year-old man, especially when he is telling this to another 29-year-old man.
Last Friday, I met up with SC over beer and dinner at Nabins to catch up at an Arabian restaurant for youngsters. (I think I was in the top 10% of the age demographic there)
Talking to SC is always enlightening because he says things that you never thought of and would not expect from someone like him.
According to Myer Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which we both did the personality test together; he is supposed to be an ISTJ, which is an introvert - “ISTJs are quiet and reserved individuals who are interested in security and peaceful living”.
What he has done so far
Updating me on his life, he has just quit his new job after 3 months because he was too bored being a client (he joined from an advertising agency) and started his own freelancing.
He purposely screwed up his new relationship by ‘confessing’ (that’s what he calls it) to his girlfriend on how he actually felt about their relationship because she was beginning to talk to him about their future.
He told me he has relationship commitment issue and would freak out whenever a woman talks to him about the future. He even asked me if it is wrong of him to promise a woman everything she asked, and then use it to ‘confess’ that he don’t really mean it when he wants to break up. (he use this trick quite often)
I think I punched him. (No, I am kidding, why would I do that? He is so funny)
Based on his morals (yes, he still has some left somewhere), he felt it is wrong to waste a woman’s youth and ‘park’ too long in their life. He felt it is right to end things quickly when he is not serious about it.
He says he felt painful too whenever he ends a relationship, although I am not sure which part of the body the pain comes from.
To him ‘Love’ is a concept that is being invented and Shakespeare was the one who invented it. According to him, ‘Love’ is a trend that is invented and accepted by so many people that it becomes the norm.
What he is doing now
SC is now something of a mini-guru because he is writing a book to be published, conducting workshops and speaking at conferences. No, he is not a dating guru like those that you (referring to men only) are searching online. He is a tech guy.
Women are actually very easy to understand
I know you men must have skipped the middle passages to look for the answer and you don’t really care who SC is as a person.
The principle is actually pretty simple to write, only one sentence. He said,
“Women are always looking for meaning in everything.”
Ok I know you men must be like “HUH?”
Don’t worry if you think you need more explanation on this life-saving principle, I can always arrange a meeting between you and SC for a small fee.
I think I finally almost understand women
After SC said that, I think I am really on my way to almost understanding women.
Now I think I can understand why whenever I asked a woman question, they would always reply my question with another question.
That is because they are looking for meaning in my question, although I am not too sure why.
However after replying my question with a question, and then I reply their question with a question like “why can’t you just answer my question?” They would always accuse me of being overconfident.
One day, I decided to ask a member of the female race, why does this same scenario keep repeating in my life. She said that’s because the problem lies with me.
HUH? ……
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
How not to think about other women
Ms K for some strange reason asked me not to think about other women and sometimes accuse me of thinking about other women.
I thought about it…
Asking me not to think about other women is like asking me not to think about food.
It is impossible because when Ms K asked me not to think about other women, an image of a woman appears in my head. I am sure it is also appearing in your head right now.
So technically this is a bad move from Ms K’s part.
However I have thought of a solution.
That is to add a moustache to every woman’s face that I think of.
So technically I am thinking about other women BUT they have been “manly-fied” by the moustache.
So next time when Ms K asked me “Are you thinking about other women again?” I will say “Yes and they have moustaches on their face…”
Which means the other women like my mother, mother-in-law and grandmother would have moustaches on their face too……
I thought about it…
Asking me not to think about other women is like asking me not to think about food.
It is impossible because when Ms K asked me not to think about other women, an image of a woman appears in my head. I am sure it is also appearing in your head right now.
So technically this is a bad move from Ms K’s part.
However I have thought of a solution.
That is to add a moustache to every woman’s face that I think of.
So technically I am thinking about other women BUT they have been “manly-fied” by the moustache.
So next time when Ms K asked me “Are you thinking about other women again?” I will say “Yes and they have moustaches on their face…”
Which means the other women like my mother, mother-in-law and grandmother would have moustaches on their face too……
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Blood Type Ms A
One night, while I was engrossed with my work, suddenly a woman’s voice asked me…
Ms A: “Pineapple Tat, have you seen my drop of blood?”
Pineapple Tat: “What drop of blood??” (Puzzled by this unique 1st in the world question)
Ms A: “I had a paper cut on my finger and I flick my finger. Now the drop of blood is gone and I can’t find it.”
Pineapple Tat: “……“ ( -_-: )
And then we both stood up and look for that drop of blood, especially if it is lucky enough to have landed anywhere on you...
Ms A went to the toilet and came back to report to me the good news that she could not find it anywhere on her.
I know any man who meets a damsel in distress especially after she has lost a drop of blood would have called the ambulance, find a bandage, or bought iron tablets for her and would have asked “are you ok, do you need a hug?” kind of stuff.
However I believe in the concept of “Give a woman a fish and she will ask for more, teach a woman to fish and she will never look for you anymore.” (Ok I trademark and copyright this now, whichever works)
So I taught Ms A what she should have done.
Pineapple Tat: “Ms A, in the first place why did you FLICK your finger when you cut yourself?” (I was looking for insight which is also part of my job)
Ms A: “......” (Ok no insight)
Pineapple Tat: “Logically people would have gone and wash their finger first and then find a plaster RIGHT...”
Ms A: “......” (Ok still no insight on behaviour)
(One friend was laughing in the background because she witnessed the whole incident)
Oh ya... By the way where is that missing drop of blood......?????
Ms A: “Pineapple Tat, have you seen my drop of blood?”
Pineapple Tat: “What drop of blood??” (Puzzled by this unique 1st in the world question)
Ms A: “I had a paper cut on my finger and I flick my finger. Now the drop of blood is gone and I can’t find it.”
Pineapple Tat: “……“ ( -_-: )
And then we both stood up and look for that drop of blood, especially if it is lucky enough to have landed anywhere on you...
Ms A went to the toilet and came back to report to me the good news that she could not find it anywhere on her.
I know any man who meets a damsel in distress especially after she has lost a drop of blood would have called the ambulance, find a bandage, or bought iron tablets for her and would have asked “are you ok, do you need a hug?” kind of stuff.
However I believe in the concept of “Give a woman a fish and she will ask for more, teach a woman to fish and she will never look for you anymore.” (Ok I trademark and copyright this now, whichever works)
So I taught Ms A what she should have done.
Pineapple Tat: “Ms A, in the first place why did you FLICK your finger when you cut yourself?” (I was looking for insight which is also part of my job)
Ms A: “......” (Ok no insight)
Pineapple Tat: “Logically people would have gone and wash their finger first and then find a plaster RIGHT...”
Ms A: “......” (Ok still no insight on behaviour)
(One friend was laughing in the background because she witnessed the whole incident)
Oh ya... By the way where is that missing drop of blood......?????
Sunday, May 22, 2011
How to make almost 1 million in 5 years?
All this while when I am in hiding, I have been thinking… How do I make more money?
Recently the election just happened and Mama Sim told me that if I were to stand for election, she would have voted for me…
I heard that our Members of Parliament earns 15,000 per month. That would mean 180,000 per year and a total of 900,000 for a 5-year term…
That would make me an almost millionaire…
Ms Mill overheard Mama Sim and told me that she will also throw in her vote for me plus her mother’s. Ok that is 2 more votes.
Now that I have at least 3 votes (assuming Mama Sim is changing her Malaysian citizenship to Singapore in 5 years time which is highly unlikely)…
I think I am on a great start to my political career...
I have already thought of 2 ways to strike it rich for the next election.
Strike It Rich Plan 1
Contest against Singapore’s famous figure Lee Kuan Yew in Tanjong Pagar GRC. Everyone loves a David vs Goliath, Jack and the Beanstalk story right…
So I am surely going to get on the front page, back page, middle page of all the national newspapers and that is priceless…
After getting 1% of the votes in the election, having all the media lime light plus forfeiting my election deposit of $16,000 (I heard somewhere you need an election deposit and it will be forfeited if your votes are below 12% I think), I am well on my way to publishing a book named “Why I contest against Lee Kuan Yew?”
That should make me $1,000,000 in book sales, speaker fees, celebrity appearances and poster sales…
Strike It Rich Plan 2
Contest in any area, and during speeches on stage keep criticizing the government policies.
Ok this is nothing special. I mean the news will report what you say anyway, so to differentiate yourself from the rest, you should bring all your personal problems on stage.
That should make all the audience notice you…
List of dramatic stuff you can bring onto the stage,
1. Have an affair, admit it on stage, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It shows that you are only human, deserve a second chance and probably a chance to run the country…
2. Cry at the slightest thing, at anything, just cry, it will show that you are a compassionate, emotional and also someone who has the heart to run the country…
3. Ok this one has nothing to do with drama, but you must have a dramatic name especially a name like ‘Yam Ah Mee’ (I did not make this up, you can google his name). You can create this dramatic package by having good looks, a vintage hairstyle and most importantly a killer name… You will go viral…
Now the first thing I need to do is to start a political party… How about Pineapple Tat Party (PTP)......
Recently the election just happened and Mama Sim told me that if I were to stand for election, she would have voted for me…
I heard that our Members of Parliament earns 15,000 per month. That would mean 180,000 per year and a total of 900,000 for a 5-year term…
That would make me an almost millionaire…
Ms Mill overheard Mama Sim and told me that she will also throw in her vote for me plus her mother’s. Ok that is 2 more votes.
Now that I have at least 3 votes (assuming Mama Sim is changing her Malaysian citizenship to Singapore in 5 years time which is highly unlikely)…
I think I am on a great start to my political career...
I have already thought of 2 ways to strike it rich for the next election.
Strike It Rich Plan 1
Contest against Singapore’s famous figure Lee Kuan Yew in Tanjong Pagar GRC. Everyone loves a David vs Goliath, Jack and the Beanstalk story right…
So I am surely going to get on the front page, back page, middle page of all the national newspapers and that is priceless…
After getting 1% of the votes in the election, having all the media lime light plus forfeiting my election deposit of $16,000 (I heard somewhere you need an election deposit and it will be forfeited if your votes are below 12% I think), I am well on my way to publishing a book named “Why I contest against Lee Kuan Yew?”
That should make me $1,000,000 in book sales, speaker fees, celebrity appearances and poster sales…
Strike It Rich Plan 2
Contest in any area, and during speeches on stage keep criticizing the government policies.
Ok this is nothing special. I mean the news will report what you say anyway, so to differentiate yourself from the rest, you should bring all your personal problems on stage.
That should make all the audience notice you…
List of dramatic stuff you can bring onto the stage,
1. Have an affair, admit it on stage, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It shows that you are only human, deserve a second chance and probably a chance to run the country…
2. Cry at the slightest thing, at anything, just cry, it will show that you are a compassionate, emotional and also someone who has the heart to run the country…
3. Ok this one has nothing to do with drama, but you must have a dramatic name especially a name like ‘Yam Ah Mee’ (I did not make this up, you can google his name). You can create this dramatic package by having good looks, a vintage hairstyle and most importantly a killer name… You will go viral…
Now the first thing I need to do is to start a political party… How about Pineapple Tat Party (PTP)......
Friday, May 20, 2011
Come out of hiding
After going into hiding for almost 9 months and being really sure that no one is reading my blog anymore, I decided to come out of hiding.
You might be asking (whoever is reading this, oh ya no one should be reading this) why did I went into hiding?
Firstly, I love to hide. When I was young I like to play hide and seek. It is a silly game to play in a 4 room HDB flat (about 100 sqm I think) but still that few seconds of not being found is thrilling...
Secondly, I think I am anti-social (my father said that), however no one believes me on this, thus I need to prove it. Ok proven...
Thirdly, I am a philosopher. All philosophers need to go into hiding because they are banish for some reason, exiled and disappeared for no reason I think...
Lastly, I think I am bored of hiding......
You might be asking (whoever is reading this, oh ya no one should be reading this) why did I went into hiding?
Firstly, I love to hide. When I was young I like to play hide and seek. It is a silly game to play in a 4 room HDB flat (about 100 sqm I think) but still that few seconds of not being found is thrilling...
Secondly, I think I am anti-social (my father said that), however no one believes me on this, thus I need to prove it. Ok proven...
Thirdly, I am a philosopher. All philosophers need to go into hiding because they are banish for some reason, exiled and disappeared for no reason I think...
Lastly, I think I am bored of hiding......
Monday, August 16, 2010
Blessed and Maybe...
I have always been blessed in what I wanted to do...
I remember 4 years ago, with only an A Level cert, I went looking for a job, not knowing that I was naive to ask for a marketing job with a not so high qualification. A lady from a recruitment firm even looked pissed when I mention that I wanted to work in marketing. She was quite rude and I hope she is not a receptionist anymore.
At that time, I was praying to God to find me a marketing job. I ended up taking a sales job in a bank selling credit cards. Miraculously I got into marketing after just 1 month with the same bank doing credit cards marketing. It was a great job and one of my happiest times. I learned a lot, met some good people and it was glamourous. There are many perks like free concert tickets, free mooncakes, free treats and lots of pretty office ladies. I worked late often but was happy as I was passionate about the work.
Later I got into another bank doing credit cards dining programme. I met lots of restaurant owners in the course of work. Eating and drinking was part of the job while negotiating for deals. It was a good experience but at that time I wanted something more fulfilling other than meeting quotas and I always wanted to try advertising.
I prayed to God again to allow me to get into the best media agency in the country. In the end I did get an interview but later there was a hiring freeze for that agency. At that time, I thought my dream of getting into advertising was over, my dream of getting into a media agency was gone forever and I can only imagine what it was like to work in one.
A year and a half later, miraculously I got into the best media agency in the country. God has answered all my prayers on what I wanted to do. That is why I have always encourage people to follow their dreams and to do what they like. Because I believe if you do what you like, money will definitely come later.
However after all these years I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness... Not that my pockets are empty... I have enough to eat and I have the opportunity to do things that I like... But I felt empty... Something seem to be missing but I don't know what...
Maybe I am just tired... Maybe I am wrong about some things... Maybe I have forgotten about God......
I remember 4 years ago, with only an A Level cert, I went looking for a job, not knowing that I was naive to ask for a marketing job with a not so high qualification. A lady from a recruitment firm even looked pissed when I mention that I wanted to work in marketing. She was quite rude and I hope she is not a receptionist anymore.
At that time, I was praying to God to find me a marketing job. I ended up taking a sales job in a bank selling credit cards. Miraculously I got into marketing after just 1 month with the same bank doing credit cards marketing. It was a great job and one of my happiest times. I learned a lot, met some good people and it was glamourous. There are many perks like free concert tickets, free mooncakes, free treats and lots of pretty office ladies. I worked late often but was happy as I was passionate about the work.
Later I got into another bank doing credit cards dining programme. I met lots of restaurant owners in the course of work. Eating and drinking was part of the job while negotiating for deals. It was a good experience but at that time I wanted something more fulfilling other than meeting quotas and I always wanted to try advertising.
I prayed to God again to allow me to get into the best media agency in the country. In the end I did get an interview but later there was a hiring freeze for that agency. At that time, I thought my dream of getting into advertising was over, my dream of getting into a media agency was gone forever and I can only imagine what it was like to work in one.
A year and a half later, miraculously I got into the best media agency in the country. God has answered all my prayers on what I wanted to do. That is why I have always encourage people to follow their dreams and to do what they like. Because I believe if you do what you like, money will definitely come later.
However after all these years I suddenly felt a sense of emptiness... Not that my pockets are empty... I have enough to eat and I have the opportunity to do things that I like... But I felt empty... Something seem to be missing but I don't know what...
Maybe I am just tired... Maybe I am wrong about some things... Maybe I have forgotten about God......
Monday, July 12, 2010
4 Years Later
The handphone alarm rang... I woke up at 2.30am, everything is going as planned... I lied on my bed, waiting for my brother's cue to switch on the TV in the living room. Face half covered with pillow, I hear no TV noise, maybe the match haven't start yet, though it should start at that time. Went back to sleep unknowingly...
Then I woke up and heard my father came out of his room talking to my brother that it is still 0-0 and that the match is not exciting. I can hear the noise of the soccer fans chanting from my room... Yeah the match is not exciting YET... I will lied down and wake up when the match gets more exciting...
Finally I woke up... It is morning... I asked my brother sleepily while lying in the bed the score (face still covered with pillow). The funny thing about my brother besides that he doesn't seem to sleep, is that he will only answer what you asked. He answered only "1-0", nothing more nothing less. Then of course I have to asked him who won which either he mumbled or I can't hear him. And then I asked him who scored. He replied "Iniesta" and I knew Spain won and went back to sleep again... Waiting for the World Cup 4 years later......
Then I woke up and heard my father came out of his room talking to my brother that it is still 0-0 and that the match is not exciting. I can hear the noise of the soccer fans chanting from my room... Yeah the match is not exciting YET... I will lied down and wake up when the match gets more exciting...
Finally I woke up... It is morning... I asked my brother sleepily while lying in the bed the score (face still covered with pillow). The funny thing about my brother besides that he doesn't seem to sleep, is that he will only answer what you asked. He answered only "1-0", nothing more nothing less. Then of course I have to asked him who won which either he mumbled or I can't hear him. And then I asked him who scored. He replied "Iniesta" and I knew Spain won and went back to sleep again... Waiting for the World Cup 4 years later......
2012 And The World Cup
I didn't expect burning something into a DVD can take so long... I mean it doesn't take much time to burn down a house, a paper or even a cigarette. Ok maybe it is different. My original plan was to finish burning the DVD (before the computer overheat and set itself on fire)and then quickly sleep to wake up to watch the World Cup.
You see the World Cup happen every 4 years, I will be 32 when the next World Cup happens and 220 when Singapore qualifies for it. So I thought of watching it. There is also this thought that 2012 is coming soon, so what if the world really ends that year? Then this year's World Cup will be the last.
That's exactly why I have been telling people that I will be taking my Sabbatical in 2012 where I will go on a 1 year break, in case the world ends. I mean I don't want to die working. Besides taking a break before the world ends, there are a few things I wanted to do during a 1 year break,
1. Concentrate on my part time studies and finish all the units in 1 shot because I wanted to get all 'As' for no reason.
2. I may have my 1st kid in that year and for the strange reason that my girlfriend prefers our baby to be born in the year of the Dragon.
3. Study about stocks, really sit down and study about stock markets. Remember that I have only a simple dream and that is to strike it rich.
Right now I think smoke is getting into my eyes (or is it because I am sleepy?) and I still have 2 more DVDs to go......
You see the World Cup happen every 4 years, I will be 32 when the next World Cup happens and 220 when Singapore qualifies for it. So I thought of watching it. There is also this thought that 2012 is coming soon, so what if the world really ends that year? Then this year's World Cup will be the last.
That's exactly why I have been telling people that I will be taking my Sabbatical in 2012 where I will go on a 1 year break, in case the world ends. I mean I don't want to die working. Besides taking a break before the world ends, there are a few things I wanted to do during a 1 year break,
1. Concentrate on my part time studies and finish all the units in 1 shot because I wanted to get all 'As' for no reason.
2. I may have my 1st kid in that year and for the strange reason that my girlfriend prefers our baby to be born in the year of the Dragon.
3. Study about stocks, really sit down and study about stock markets. Remember that I have only a simple dream and that is to strike it rich.
Right now I think smoke is getting into my eyes (or is it because I am sleepy?) and I still have 2 more DVDs to go......
Monday, July 05, 2010
Moving, Moving, Gone
Today suddenly Mr Nose told me it is his last day at his office at Textile Centre because he has been transferred to the CBD area. It then reminds me of Ms Pooh saying she might be moving on soon... I mean people move, however new things seem to happen to me more often than not...
You see change happens a lot in my career. Things like changing boss, changing teams, changing portfolio, changing jobs, changing industry, changing seats, changing table, changing water for my money plant in office... The best part is that I can keep still, do nothing (I do work, nothing as in nothing wrong) and things can still change. With the exception of changing jobs + industry, teams disappear, boss get changed for some reason like restructing, realignment, resign, reorg and anything that comes with 're' or I move with the portfolio because my ex-boss got swallowed by a shark, wolf or something with a big mouth.
Change is so frequent that I have decided to have as little personal belongings as possible, so that I can moved easily. If I were to move now, I just need to pick up my money plant, take the 1 photo of me and Ms K in office, a photo frame of my classmates (Ogilvy Masterclass) and my namecards. Thats all... Light and easy...
You see it is actually quite tiring to keep changing, your confirmation appraisal is written by 1 boss (good review of course) then your mid year appraisal is written by another boss, then at the end you realise your year end appraisal is going to be written by another boss. You built rapport with someone, look forward to learning from the person and you feel settled down, then realise the person is leaving due to 're-' (yes it is the this word again, in fact you can fill in a few variations). Of course there are good things like retirement and promotion (this is the exception of 're').
The good thing about this is that I am always making new friends......
You see change happens a lot in my career. Things like changing boss, changing teams, changing portfolio, changing jobs, changing industry, changing seats, changing table, changing water for my money plant in office... The best part is that I can keep still, do nothing (I do work, nothing as in nothing wrong) and things can still change. With the exception of changing jobs + industry, teams disappear, boss get changed for some reason like restructing, realignment, resign, reorg and anything that comes with 're' or I move with the portfolio because my ex-boss got swallowed by a shark, wolf or something with a big mouth.
Change is so frequent that I have decided to have as little personal belongings as possible, so that I can moved easily. If I were to move now, I just need to pick up my money plant, take the 1 photo of me and Ms K in office, a photo frame of my classmates (Ogilvy Masterclass) and my namecards. Thats all... Light and easy...
You see it is actually quite tiring to keep changing, your confirmation appraisal is written by 1 boss (good review of course) then your mid year appraisal is written by another boss, then at the end you realise your year end appraisal is going to be written by another boss. You built rapport with someone, look forward to learning from the person and you feel settled down, then realise the person is leaving due to 're-' (yes it is the this word again, in fact you can fill in a few variations). Of course there are good things like retirement and promotion (this is the exception of 're').
The good thing about this is that I am always making new friends......
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Life As You Know It
As I look at my grandfather lying on the bed with an oxygen face mask strap to his face breathing heavily... Feeling weak, he needed assistance in breathing. Looking frail, hands swollen and with all the tubes going through his body, it is a helpless sight...
I look at his face, eyes half open, falling into sleep and then opening his eyes and then falling back into sleep... The machines around him had many numbers and lines, seem like life can be measured by numbers and charts.
Sometimes I thought how would you measure your life? By the amount of money in the bank, the number of women you have been with or the way your career has progress up the charts.
My uncle told me my grandfather used to earn lots of money as a businessman selling 2nd hand cars because it was big in the past, he was seen with many different women and drove many types of cars. He once gave me an advice on women, never be with a woman more capable than you because she will control you (He was once with a career woman I heard). Though I don't agree with that. (In fact, I like women who are taller, smarter, older, richer and more beautiful than me)
I continue to look at him, thinking... Is this how your life is going to end? So what if you were rich before... So what if many women have chased after you... So what if you were successful... Now lying in bed, money squandered, the women you have been in the past are not by your bedside, success is in the past. Children are exasperated by your behaviour because they think you are acting and creating trouble to get money for your mistress.
Sometimes my grandfather reminds me of my Dad, will it be the same ending? Lying in bed... Children and wife disappointed... I look at my Dad... I think of myself... Life as you know it could be the same......
I look at his face, eyes half open, falling into sleep and then opening his eyes and then falling back into sleep... The machines around him had many numbers and lines, seem like life can be measured by numbers and charts.
Sometimes I thought how would you measure your life? By the amount of money in the bank, the number of women you have been with or the way your career has progress up the charts.
My uncle told me my grandfather used to earn lots of money as a businessman selling 2nd hand cars because it was big in the past, he was seen with many different women and drove many types of cars. He once gave me an advice on women, never be with a woman more capable than you because she will control you (He was once with a career woman I heard). Though I don't agree with that. (In fact, I like women who are taller, smarter, older, richer and more beautiful than me)
I continue to look at him, thinking... Is this how your life is going to end? So what if you were rich before... So what if many women have chased after you... So what if you were successful... Now lying in bed, money squandered, the women you have been in the past are not by your bedside, success is in the past. Children are exasperated by your behaviour because they think you are acting and creating trouble to get money for your mistress.
Sometimes my grandfather reminds me of my Dad, will it be the same ending? Lying in bed... Children and wife disappointed... I look at my Dad... I think of myself... Life as you know it could be the same......
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