I realised the last time I wrote for The Pineapple Times was in 17 August 2008. 6 months 16 days later I am back... I am the editor, the correspondent, the reporter and the columnist. This online paper was started for the purpose of helping people and unlike Today Online (a free newspaper offline + online), I don't believe in working for free. So if you still have conscience after reading The Pineapple Times, you should start to:
1. Open your CD-Rom
2. Slot in your credit card
3. Close your CD-Rom
4. A pop up screen appears so key in your pin
5. If it doesn't appear, no need to repeat step one
6. Just buy me lunch or dinner in kind... Times are bad...
Ok read those sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...
The Pineapple Times
Money Matters
This morning I was early for work because there is a very early meeting, I guess it is God's will that I have this early meeting (though it was cancel in the end) because I met a ex school mate who is a regional analyst for light bulbs. He told me that year on year export for China has fallen by 80%. I have yet to verify this.
He mention that China is the world factory and it really means the world economy is not doing well since demand for export has fallen. Before I sound too economics, follow me on this especially the ladies. Since there is so much uncertainties, like the current job market, stock market and fish market, people will be hoarding cash because it is the safest...
When the economy recovers and with so many cash in the market plus all the stimulus packages and injections, the market will be flooded with cash and then there will be hyper inflation... Which means in future, prices of goods will increase very rapidly.
So what does this mean? It means that the best time to spend is now! There are sales everywhere now because people are not spending and hoarding cash. So isn't this the best time to shop?? Basically the world is on sale, so buy all the stuff you need now... I am going to buy a lifetime supply of toilet paper, there is no expiry date and everyone needs to use it right, imagine the savings I get...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
For The Love Of Pineapple Tat
Many women asked me this question many times, I am not sure why. Probably they knew that this kind of thing will happen to me sooner or later. Perhaps it had happened to me but I didn't realise. So what is the question that I have always been asked,
"What will you do when a woman throw herself at you?"
Well if you have never been asked this question, don't fret because when you have a girlfriend, I am sure she will ask you. And if your girlfriend doesn't ask you, don't be sad, most probably she has underestimated you.
Let me teach you how to answer the above question, you should counter it with something like,
1. "Why would a woman throw herself at me?" (Rating: Good, you diffuse tension)
2. "I am neither rich nor handsome, why would a woman throw herself at me?" (Rating: Excellent because you criticised yourself)
3. "I love you."
(Rating: Good, cheap trick but useful)
Besides the above excuses, usually they will follow up with,
"Are you sure that you won't want a woman who throw herself at you. It's free and you don't want? You men are cheap."
You may answer with the following answers,
1. "Yes I am cheap." (Rating: Good, this will make sure she never ask you again)
2. "I don't like women." (Rating: No good, she won't believe you, if she does, she will think you don't love her. Double edged sword)
3. "I am scare of STD" (sexually transmitted disease) (Rating: Excellent, this one is practical and sound more honest, means you admit you are a cheap man with no guts)
Then it will come with a third question,
"What if the woman strip in front of you? Can you resist that?"
You only need to answer with one answer, which is,
"Why would I get myself into that kind of situation in the first place? Allowing her to strip in front of me. If she can do that, it means that we are alone together in a room." (Rating: Superb, killer answer)
After the third question, and with that killer answer, you will regain a newfound respect among your female friends, girlfriend(s), wife / wives and the female race...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Memories and I wonder how everyone is doing
Today I attended my ex-girlfriend's wedding whom I met at secondary school, we kept in touch somehow and I can't exactly remember how after losing touch for some time, we met again.
On Valentine's Day, I met another ex-girlfriend (also from my secondary school) on the street at Doby Ghaut, she was holding a guy's hand, I didn't say hi to her though because we don't really keep in touch and I am not sure if she still hates me.
One day I was queuing up to go into a cafe and saw a girl I once liked (when I just started work). I spoke to her and ask how she was and engage in polite talk. Different from last time where we can talk about anything.
Sometimes you wonder how those people who have crossed your path, walked with you in the journey of life for a while even if it is only for a few months, how they are now and what they are doing.
Not that you miss them but rather sometimes mattters wasn't closed properly and you wonder why it ended, why it just didn't happen or what could have happened.
Ms K asked me at the wedding whether I was feeling sour hearted when the groom wasn't me (one of the tests she always put me through). Of course I wasn't, that was like 13 years ago when I was 14 years old. The next test girlfriends usually put you through is by mentioning that memories of your first girlfriend is always the sweetest. Naturally, we would have to testify it's not and explain why.
And talking about memories... Last Friday, I went to Bellini at Clarke Quay and drank too much whisky. Ms K (very sweet of her) sent me home. Next morning, she asked me "Do you remember how many girls you hug that night?" I think only 2, or is it 3......
On Valentine's Day, I met another ex-girlfriend (also from my secondary school) on the street at Doby Ghaut, she was holding a guy's hand, I didn't say hi to her though because we don't really keep in touch and I am not sure if she still hates me.
One day I was queuing up to go into a cafe and saw a girl I once liked (when I just started work). I spoke to her and ask how she was and engage in polite talk. Different from last time where we can talk about anything.
Sometimes you wonder how those people who have crossed your path, walked with you in the journey of life for a while even if it is only for a few months, how they are now and what they are doing.
Not that you miss them but rather sometimes mattters wasn't closed properly and you wonder why it ended, why it just didn't happen or what could have happened.
Ms K asked me at the wedding whether I was feeling sour hearted when the groom wasn't me (one of the tests she always put me through). Of course I wasn't, that was like 13 years ago when I was 14 years old. The next test girlfriends usually put you through is by mentioning that memories of your first girlfriend is always the sweetest. Naturally, we would have to testify it's not and explain why.
And talking about memories... Last Friday, I went to Bellini at Clarke Quay and drank too much whisky. Ms K (very sweet of her) sent me home. Next morning, she asked me "Do you remember how many girls you hug that night?" I think only 2, or is it 3......
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Broken Heart Story
Every morning I woke up cursing... Every night I cry when I think of her before I sleep...
It was one year ago when I met her through a mutual friend. She is a fashion designer and like all designers, she has a fashionable and attractive look.
2 weeks after we met, she asked me out on a date. I cannot believe it because I have been single for 24 years (ok I am 24 years old) and suddenly an attractive girl asked me out. Of course I agreed. We usually went out two times a week. There was one time she asked,
She: "Oei... How come I am the one always asking you out? Can't you ask me out once?"
Me: "Can. But since it is so predictable when you are asking me out, then I just wait for you to ask."
One day, when I was sending her home, she told me that she does not want to go home early and I suggested sitting at the playground near her house. We sat side by side and then she lay her head on my shoulder. It was a warm feeling and she was the first girl to lie on my shoulder.
She told me about her abusive boyfriend and how bad he was to her. That day she lie on my shoulder for hours and in my heart I hope this feeling doesn't end...
We have knew each other for 2 months when one day I suggested we go to the beach. We were strolling along the beach when we saw this viewing tower on a little island. To reach there we have to cross a drop bridge which connect the beach to the little island. She suggested we both go up to the top of the tower which was five stories tall. When we reach the top, there was no one...
The view was beautiful with the vast sea in sight and many passing ships. However I wasn't interested in the view, I was interested in the beautiful creature in front of me... We sat down and she lay her head on my shoulder again. This time she doesn't talk to me about her boyfriend. We sat there for 10 minutes and then she turn her head towards me smiling, her head still on my shoulder.
She: "Have you kiss a girl before?"
Me: "No... Do you want to be the first one?"
She moved her head and kiss me on my lips deeply and it dawns on me that this is my first kiss. It has gone to this beautiful creature in front of me... And it will be a kiss I never forget...
Soon after we held hands when we go out and at every opportunity when there was no one around, we will steal kisses with each other. The kisses were hot and passionate, understandable for a young man like me and it was my first relationship.
However our relationship was never open, it was not featured in our social networking profile like facebook or friendster. Her boyfriend was seldom mentioned and to me he was non existent because if she still likes him, she would not go out with me, I consider that as silent break. And as to why our relationship was not an open one, I am not concern as long as we are together...
One day, while we were out sitting opposite each other in a cafe. I remember it was raining that day and she was looking out of the window. Suddenly she said to me that she couldn't forget her ex-boyfriend and wants to go back to him. Upon hearing this, I was heart broken... She told me she likes me but she didn't love me.
What do you mean by that? If you didn't love me, why would you let me hold your hands, kiss you on your lips, touch your body and let me hug you. I couldn't understand... I couldn't comprehend what is happening... It was our fifth month of knowing each other.
2 weeks later, she called me to say she missed me and wants to come back to me. I was happy and thought that she finally knows who she truly loves. We were back together again. 1 month later, she left me again...
This time she went back to her ex-boyfriend for good. The 2nd time she not only smash my already broken heart into more pieces but also left me with no confidence of a 2nd relationship. I was totally fooled by this woman. This time she told me she was not good enough for me and that she is a player. She usually choose guys who have been in relationship before and not first timers like me.
I don't understand why she chose to go back to her abusive boyfriend when she keeps complaining about him and telling me how bad he treats her. I deleted her away from all my social networking tools like facebook and friendster. She kept smsing me and instant messaging me. I told her to leave me alone and block her on msn. Don't wish to see her again...
The End......?
It was one year ago when I met her through a mutual friend. She is a fashion designer and like all designers, she has a fashionable and attractive look.
2 weeks after we met, she asked me out on a date. I cannot believe it because I have been single for 24 years (ok I am 24 years old) and suddenly an attractive girl asked me out. Of course I agreed. We usually went out two times a week. There was one time she asked,
She: "Oei... How come I am the one always asking you out? Can't you ask me out once?"
Me: "Can. But since it is so predictable when you are asking me out, then I just wait for you to ask."
One day, when I was sending her home, she told me that she does not want to go home early and I suggested sitting at the playground near her house. We sat side by side and then she lay her head on my shoulder. It was a warm feeling and she was the first girl to lie on my shoulder.
She told me about her abusive boyfriend and how bad he was to her. That day she lie on my shoulder for hours and in my heart I hope this feeling doesn't end...
We have knew each other for 2 months when one day I suggested we go to the beach. We were strolling along the beach when we saw this viewing tower on a little island. To reach there we have to cross a drop bridge which connect the beach to the little island. She suggested we both go up to the top of the tower which was five stories tall. When we reach the top, there was no one...
The view was beautiful with the vast sea in sight and many passing ships. However I wasn't interested in the view, I was interested in the beautiful creature in front of me... We sat down and she lay her head on my shoulder again. This time she doesn't talk to me about her boyfriend. We sat there for 10 minutes and then she turn her head towards me smiling, her head still on my shoulder.
She: "Have you kiss a girl before?"
Me: "No... Do you want to be the first one?"
She moved her head and kiss me on my lips deeply and it dawns on me that this is my first kiss. It has gone to this beautiful creature in front of me... And it will be a kiss I never forget...
Soon after we held hands when we go out and at every opportunity when there was no one around, we will steal kisses with each other. The kisses were hot and passionate, understandable for a young man like me and it was my first relationship.
However our relationship was never open, it was not featured in our social networking profile like facebook or friendster. Her boyfriend was seldom mentioned and to me he was non existent because if she still likes him, she would not go out with me, I consider that as silent break. And as to why our relationship was not an open one, I am not concern as long as we are together...
One day, while we were out sitting opposite each other in a cafe. I remember it was raining that day and she was looking out of the window. Suddenly she said to me that she couldn't forget her ex-boyfriend and wants to go back to him. Upon hearing this, I was heart broken... She told me she likes me but she didn't love me.
What do you mean by that? If you didn't love me, why would you let me hold your hands, kiss you on your lips, touch your body and let me hug you. I couldn't understand... I couldn't comprehend what is happening... It was our fifth month of knowing each other.
2 weeks later, she called me to say she missed me and wants to come back to me. I was happy and thought that she finally knows who she truly loves. We were back together again. 1 month later, she left me again...
This time she went back to her ex-boyfriend for good. The 2nd time she not only smash my already broken heart into more pieces but also left me with no confidence of a 2nd relationship. I was totally fooled by this woman. This time she told me she was not good enough for me and that she is a player. She usually choose guys who have been in relationship before and not first timers like me.
I don't understand why she chose to go back to her abusive boyfriend when she keeps complaining about him and telling me how bad he treats her. I deleted her away from all my social networking tools like facebook and friendster. She kept smsing me and instant messaging me. I told her to leave me alone and block her on msn. Don't wish to see her again...
The End......?
And So It Was Like That
I think that life's greatest joy is to not do anything at all... Idling away is an ideal situation in an ideal world. I have many stories to tell yet sometimes I am either lazy to write or don't know can write or not...
Have been quite depress lately, not sure if it's my persistent cough that is bothering me, my backache that is bothering me, not enough sleep is bothering me or the huge amount of gas in my tummy that is bothering me... In anyway, I am not in tip top condition, I think being super healthy is important.
Mr Tomato ask me to join him for a trip in the Philipines. He will be staying at a guest house with someone he knows. Told me it is an idle place, the pace is slow and the place relax. Sounds like a good proposition and the kind of place to retire in...
He will be flying on the 30th Jan. Not sure can apply leave on time and also got work to do. Contemplating...
Last Friday, I had bak chor mee again with Mr Tomato at Circular Road (near Boat Quay). I usually crave for it when I go drinking around that area. However, purposely made a trip there for 2 times this month just to eat that.
I know the content of the article is as ambiguous as the title and so it was like that......
Have been quite depress lately, not sure if it's my persistent cough that is bothering me, my backache that is bothering me, not enough sleep is bothering me or the huge amount of gas in my tummy that is bothering me... In anyway, I am not in tip top condition, I think being super healthy is important.
Mr Tomato ask me to join him for a trip in the Philipines. He will be staying at a guest house with someone he knows. Told me it is an idle place, the pace is slow and the place relax. Sounds like a good proposition and the kind of place to retire in...
He will be flying on the 30th Jan. Not sure can apply leave on time and also got work to do. Contemplating...
Last Friday, I had bak chor mee again with Mr Tomato at Circular Road (near Boat Quay). I usually crave for it when I go drinking around that area. However, purposely made a trip there for 2 times this month just to eat that.
I know the content of the article is as ambiguous as the title and so it was like that......
Monday, January 19, 2009
Maybe...
You know when you reach the age of 46, you start to wonder what you are doing with your life. You start to question your thinking, your actions, your ambitions and your life style etc. Your mind is full of questions but you do not have the answers.
No I am not 46 and I am starting to think like that at 26. Sounds like I got a mid-life crisis pretty early when I am hardly in the middle of my life. Sometimes I think and I wonder how I should I go about life. To take it easy or to take it seriously, what is the true meaning of life? I think if I continue to ponder and wonder, I will attend nirvana soon...
Sometimes I have this feeling of giving up everything and leave for the mountains, growing my own crops below the hills. Harvest the crops when the season comes (ok I don't exactly know which season). Hibernate when winter comes. (which means sleep and sleep and sleep). Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, play when you are bored. Isn't it wonderful...
Maybe I should be a philosopher, think out some quacky philosphy, spread my teachings and collect donations for being so wise and give lectures when the crowd comes to me... Or maybe an artist, sitting by the river, drawing anything beautiful that I come across including beautiful women and sell my paintings for whatever price it is worth... Or a bartender that mixed all these wonderful drinks, tossing and turning and doing all those stunts, give advice to drunk people and tell stories to whoever wants to listen...
Maybe I should just slack at home, be a loafer, go to coffee shop and hang out whole day there with a beer in hand or with a cup of coffee on the table. Maybe just lie on my bed the whole lazy afternoon and imagine what wonderful things could happen and it does not happen because I am not doing anything. Maybe its a wonderful feeling to just imagine, to just think and just let time pass... And maybe this is the best way... and maybe I am just tired......
No I am not 46 and I am starting to think like that at 26. Sounds like I got a mid-life crisis pretty early when I am hardly in the middle of my life. Sometimes I think and I wonder how I should I go about life. To take it easy or to take it seriously, what is the true meaning of life? I think if I continue to ponder and wonder, I will attend nirvana soon...
Sometimes I have this feeling of giving up everything and leave for the mountains, growing my own crops below the hills. Harvest the crops when the season comes (ok I don't exactly know which season). Hibernate when winter comes. (which means sleep and sleep and sleep). Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, play when you are bored. Isn't it wonderful...
Maybe I should be a philosopher, think out some quacky philosphy, spread my teachings and collect donations for being so wise and give lectures when the crowd comes to me... Or maybe an artist, sitting by the river, drawing anything beautiful that I come across including beautiful women and sell my paintings for whatever price it is worth... Or a bartender that mixed all these wonderful drinks, tossing and turning and doing all those stunts, give advice to drunk people and tell stories to whoever wants to listen...
Maybe I should just slack at home, be a loafer, go to coffee shop and hang out whole day there with a beer in hand or with a cup of coffee on the table. Maybe just lie on my bed the whole lazy afternoon and imagine what wonderful things could happen and it does not happen because I am not doing anything. Maybe its a wonderful feeling to just imagine, to just think and just let time pass... And maybe this is the best way... and maybe I am just tired......
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sleepless In Singapore
I have gone 30 hours without sleep...
Of course it cannot compare with the immortals of the Subaru Challenge, where contestants go more than 80 hours without sleep to win a car. I am only a mortal, so not going without sleep for more than 10 hours is wrong... totally wrong...
I know you think that I love to sleep, it's true and that's because I don't really sleep when I sleep. That's because everytime I sleep, I dream a lot and it feels like watching a movie, very drama and meaningless. It's just like drama serial except you don't understand it.
Correction, my dreams should be consider movies because everytime I woke up from a dream and sleep back again, I dream of something different...
Imagine after a hard day at work, you go home and watch TV. After watching TV, you go back to work again. That is how I feel...
And it's no secret that Sunday is my favourite day of the week because I get to sleep the whole day. To make up for the sleep that I have lost for the week...
Of course it cannot compare with the immortals of the Subaru Challenge, where contestants go more than 80 hours without sleep to win a car. I am only a mortal, so not going without sleep for more than 10 hours is wrong... totally wrong...
I know you think that I love to sleep, it's true and that's because I don't really sleep when I sleep. That's because everytime I sleep, I dream a lot and it feels like watching a movie, very drama and meaningless. It's just like drama serial except you don't understand it.
Correction, my dreams should be consider movies because everytime I woke up from a dream and sleep back again, I dream of something different...
Imagine after a hard day at work, you go home and watch TV. After watching TV, you go back to work again. That is how I feel...
And it's no secret that Sunday is my favourite day of the week because I get to sleep the whole day. To make up for the sleep that I have lost for the week...
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Take Me Away From December
2 days MC wasn't what I expected...
Apparently got contagious flu flying around Singapore. Not very obvious one because the phlegm is suppose to flow inwards not out. And you are not suppose to spit it out because it will cause dehydration. Cannot drink tea, coffee, spicy food, citrus and that is all I can remember. I asked how about alcohol? Doctor hesitate for a while, of course the safe answer would be 'no'. However he says if taken with the cough mixture, will get drunk easily. So is can drink or cannot??
I feel very exhausted, stress balls (a guy from my agency describe stress this way, not sure what balls are he refering to) and poor appetite plus lots of wind in the stomach.
Not a smooth month for work too... Campaign results not good, contingency plan not approve yet, potential partnership not going through. And to think the same time last year I won a pair of tickets to New York.
Take me away from December...
Apparently got contagious flu flying around Singapore. Not very obvious one because the phlegm is suppose to flow inwards not out. And you are not suppose to spit it out because it will cause dehydration. Cannot drink tea, coffee, spicy food, citrus and that is all I can remember. I asked how about alcohol? Doctor hesitate for a while, of course the safe answer would be 'no'. However he says if taken with the cough mixture, will get drunk easily. So is can drink or cannot??
I feel very exhausted, stress balls (a guy from my agency describe stress this way, not sure what balls are he refering to) and poor appetite plus lots of wind in the stomach.
Not a smooth month for work too... Campaign results not good, contingency plan not approve yet, potential partnership not going through. And to think the same time last year I won a pair of tickets to New York.
Take me away from December...
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
About Buying A Car
Recently I met Mr Hans for dinner and he told me that his female colleague advise him to invest in a car. The reason: So that he could get a girlfriend.
Throughout the years, I was told by both male and female that owning a car will help you a lot in getting girls. The theory is that a girl will be more willing to go out with you since it's convenient. You fetch her and send her home, pick her up anywhere and go out. And most importantly, it will impress her friends. (Depending on the model of the car)
Mr Hans's colleague's boyfriend actually refused to buy a car and she was pretty pissed. I suspect she is psychoing Mr Hans to buy a car, so that he can drive her out of Tuas. (Extreme West of Singapore, a place where birds will not lay eggs and dogs will not poo place) Ok this is pure speculation.
Buying a car to impress and court girls works but it is a short sighted solution. Why short sighted? Here's what happens when you get the girl with your car...
1. You are expected to send her to work
2. You are expected to fetch her from work and send her home
3. You are expected to send her mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, auntie, friends, friend's dog home
4. You must fetch her laundry
5. You must drive her to Malaysia
6. You have no excuse not to go out
7. You have to know where to have fun since you have a car
8. You have to do whatever since you have a car
9. You have to go wherever since you have a car
10. You have to do it just because you have a car
I have just given you 10 good reasons on not to have a car. Mr Han's colleague's boyfriend is pretty long sighted since he refused to buy a car. But still not long sighted enough. What do I mean by that? To be truly long sighted, the answer is DON'T GET A DRIVING LICENCE. So that your girlfriend can't be angry with you for not buying a car. Because you can't even drive! An example of a truly long sighted person is me. :)
But if you still insist on having a car because you really want that girl, then sell the car after she becomes your girlfriend...
Throughout the years, I was told by both male and female that owning a car will help you a lot in getting girls. The theory is that a girl will be more willing to go out with you since it's convenient. You fetch her and send her home, pick her up anywhere and go out. And most importantly, it will impress her friends. (Depending on the model of the car)
Mr Hans's colleague's boyfriend actually refused to buy a car and she was pretty pissed. I suspect she is psychoing Mr Hans to buy a car, so that he can drive her out of Tuas. (Extreme West of Singapore, a place where birds will not lay eggs and dogs will not poo place) Ok this is pure speculation.
Buying a car to impress and court girls works but it is a short sighted solution. Why short sighted? Here's what happens when you get the girl with your car...
1. You are expected to send her to work
2. You are expected to fetch her from work and send her home
3. You are expected to send her mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, auntie, friends, friend's dog home
4. You must fetch her laundry
5. You must drive her to Malaysia
6. You have no excuse not to go out
7. You have to know where to have fun since you have a car
8. You have to do whatever since you have a car
9. You have to go wherever since you have a car
10. You have to do it just because you have a car
I have just given you 10 good reasons on not to have a car. Mr Han's colleague's boyfriend is pretty long sighted since he refused to buy a car. But still not long sighted enough. What do I mean by that? To be truly long sighted, the answer is DON'T GET A DRIVING LICENCE. So that your girlfriend can't be angry with you for not buying a car. Because you can't even drive! An example of a truly long sighted person is me. :)
But if you still insist on having a car because you really want that girl, then sell the car after she becomes your girlfriend...
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Juice
Mr Fly: "Juice..."
Pineapple Tat: "What juice?"
Mr Fly: "Neh... Juice..." (Looking sheepishly at a female figure walking past)
Pineapple Tat: "Orh... Juice ah..."
And to think he was thirsty and wanted to drink juice, he was actually describing the delicious female species. And then how does he describe the opposite of delicious?
Mr Fly: "Really cui..." ('Cui' is a chinese dialect which means "collaspe" or "broken" I think)
'Cui' to be more precise means 'CMI' = Cannot make it
And if you are wondering how does this really help you in life, it doesn't. I am just writing for fun...
Pineapple Tat: "What juice?"
Mr Fly: "Neh... Juice..." (Looking sheepishly at a female figure walking past)
Pineapple Tat: "Orh... Juice ah..."
And to think he was thirsty and wanted to drink juice, he was actually describing the delicious female species. And then how does he describe the opposite of delicious?
Mr Fly: "Really cui..." ('Cui' is a chinese dialect which means "collaspe" or "broken" I think)
'Cui' to be more precise means 'CMI' = Cannot make it
And if you are wondering how does this really help you in life, it doesn't. I am just writing for fun...
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Pineapple Times 2 1/2 Edition
Today (27/08) I am really lucky, I nearly got knocked down by a car. Why lucky? Because it didn't hit me...
Of course there are a few important reasons for the delayed publication like,
1. Lazy - I don't blog for a living, so no incentive.
2. Playing computer games (Championship Manager 2006) - Yup have been living in the fantasy world. I wanted to stop and move on with life but suddenly I won a trophy in the game, so must continue...
3. No payment received yet - Obviously the online electronic payment didn't work.
Train of Thoughts
Recently I just called my buddy, it's has been some time since I spoke to him. So I decided to call him anyway 1 day...
I have a buddy from army who was assigned to me during National Service. It was not by choice, it was by fate because buddies are assigned based on birth dates. He is a pretty interesting fellow and I have not seen him for centuries. Although there are the occasional calls but usually I am alseep because either the call is too early or too late. Ok I sleep a lot...
He is a pretty witty fellow and probably he can have a book of quotes from him.
The conversation below started because I wanted to prove that he was talking cock when he says his friends are more important than his girlfriend.
Here is one classic quote from him...
Of course there are a few important reasons for the delayed publication like,
1. Lazy - I don't blog for a living, so no incentive.
2. Playing computer games (Championship Manager 2006) - Yup have been living in the fantasy world. I wanted to stop and move on with life but suddenly I won a trophy in the game, so must continue...
3. No payment received yet - Obviously the online electronic payment didn't work.
You must be wondering why it is 2 and a half edition, that's because this is half of what I wanted to write.
Read the sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...
Train of Thoughts
Recently I just called my buddy, it's has been some time since I spoke to him. So I decided to call him anyway 1 day...
I have a buddy from army who was assigned to me during National Service. It was not by choice, it was by fate because buddies are assigned based on birth dates. He is a pretty interesting fellow and I have not seen him for centuries. Although there are the occasional calls but usually I am alseep because either the call is too early or too late. Ok I sleep a lot...
He is a pretty witty fellow and probably he can have a book of quotes from him.
The conversation below started because I wanted to prove that he was talking cock when he says his friends are more important than his girlfriend.
Here is one classic quote from him...
Pineapple Tat: "Wah lau eh... Your girlfriend is more important than us..." (big mistake)
Mr Buddy: "Of course la... I can bang my girlfriend... Can you let me bang you..." (-_-" point taken)
For more information on this legendary person, you can read about this fellow below...
Team 424
My Buddy and Me
Life is like a box of chocolates
Oh if you like what you read about him... He should be still single... If you like guys who are humourous, likes risk taking and enjoy a good emotional roller coaster... He is the one for you!
Learnings from him is if someone says his friends is more important than his girlfriend, chances are he is bluffing... Don't believe, read his quotes again...
Ok if you like this guy, you know where to look for him...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Love Column
I have thought of a few titles like,
1. Pineapple Economics of Love
2. Dr Pineapple Love
3. Love Love Pineapple
Of course I still can't decide what the title is, let me continue until I thought of one...
Marketers are Liars
It's true that in Marketing, you will meet a lot of beautiful women. Of course that also depends on what industry you are in and what you are marketing. If you are marketing ship paint or springs, chances are that you will meet men only.
So why does the Marketing Profession has many opportunities of meeting beautiful women?
Because the job requires you to meet lots of people from advertising, public relations, events, media, marketing research, modelling agency and other marketers. All of these dominated by women...
Since this is the 2nd and a half edition, of course I will not complete it... Hee...
Editors note
Recently I seek an internet geomancer (someone from my interactive agency) and was told that wordpress.com (another blog) is better. I am contemplating moving my blog to wordpress but like quite messy after shifting it over... Let me think about it...
http://pineappletat.wordpress.com/
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
The Pineapple Times 2nd Edition
You must be surprised to see the 2nd edition of "The Pineapple Times" publish so quickly. Since I am writing a newspaper, of course I have to publish it daily. I know all of you are dying to pay for the newspaper, so this is what you can do to pay online:
1. Take your credit or debit card
2. Eject your CD-ROM (yes I mean your computer cd-rom)
3. Put your card on the CD-ROM
4. Close your CD-ROM
5. A pop up screen should appear
6. If it doesn't, start from step 1 again.
Ok read the sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...
The Pineapple Times
Train of Thoughts
As the headline suggest, I usually have thoughts when I am in the train. Not that I don't think when I am static, in fact I have lots of ideas about work when I sit stationary on the toilet bowl. So this section is about random thoughts.
My lecturer told me she couldn't understand how someone can get up late in the day especially after 12 noon. She thought that people who has this practice must be lazy. Then slowly as she got older, she realised;
"Everyone is made differently..."
She said that some people work better in the day, some better at night. This statement is especially useful when you are irritated by someone's action or are baffled by their senseless motivations at work... Tell yourself "Everyone is made differently..."
Some people are idiots and some are not...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Money Matters
Yesterday Mr Fly told me that he is going to buy stocks in a company that produces steels. I asked him whether it is a commodity, he replied that it should be since its made from iron ore.
Talking about commodities, they are things like coffee beans, tea leaves, soya beans etc. Remember if you were to buy for example soya beans. You are suppose to sell it within certain timeline (usually a month I think). And if you forgot about it, you will receive a call from the port asking you to collect your container load of soya beans. So most importantly, if you were to buy commodities, buy something that you LIKE, like coffee beans. Even you forget to sell, at least you have a lifetime supply of coffee.
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Marketers Are Liars
As you know (if you don't know), I am in marketing. There are those trade publications like Marketing-interactive and The Marketer. I reckon I should start my own marketing column called "Marketers Are Liars". We are not really liars, we are just story tellers. We all like to sell a good story and then of course you will buy from us.
As you know (if you don't know again), I am managing direct marketing channels and one of them is SMS. You know those SMS you receive Adv.
Yah... You could be receiving those that I sent.
Anyway there will be people who unsubscribe to SMS notifications during each campaign. As unsubscribing is automated, you actually have to reply as indicated in the SMS to unsubscribe. If not the system cannot identify your SMS and unsubscribe you. (yes the system is not that intelligent yet)
So part of my job is to manually unsubscribe people from the SMS list in the event they spell wrongly 'unsub' like 'unscb'. Some people are polite to actually type a full sentence to indicate their intentions like "Please unsubscribe me from you list. Thank you." or "Unsubscribe. Thks." These are genuine mistakes, so I have to manually remove them as the system cannot recognise such instructions.
I actually receive an unsubscribe request in this format and in this case the unsubscribe command is 'X'. Here is one classic SMS:
F**k you man! I dont give a f**k care about your f**king contest! X!
Ok as you can see from the above SMS, obviously the system won't unsubscribe the number...
Anyway I am thinking of sending an SMS response (using the system of course) to that person's number in the below format,
"This is an automated reply. Your SMS has been forwarded to the police. They will be calling you shortly."
This should be quite cool...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
1. Take your credit or debit card
2. Eject your CD-ROM (yes I mean your computer cd-rom)
3. Put your card on the CD-ROM
4. Close your CD-ROM
5. A pop up screen should appear
6. If it doesn't, start from step 1 again.
Ok read the sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...
The Pineapple Times
Train of Thoughts
As the headline suggest, I usually have thoughts when I am in the train. Not that I don't think when I am static, in fact I have lots of ideas about work when I sit stationary on the toilet bowl. So this section is about random thoughts.
My lecturer told me she couldn't understand how someone can get up late in the day especially after 12 noon. She thought that people who has this practice must be lazy. Then slowly as she got older, she realised;
"Everyone is made differently..."
She said that some people work better in the day, some better at night. This statement is especially useful when you are irritated by someone's action or are baffled by their senseless motivations at work... Tell yourself "Everyone is made differently..."
Some people are idiots and some are not...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Money Matters
Yesterday Mr Fly told me that he is going to buy stocks in a company that produces steels. I asked him whether it is a commodity, he replied that it should be since its made from iron ore.
Talking about commodities, they are things like coffee beans, tea leaves, soya beans etc. Remember if you were to buy for example soya beans. You are suppose to sell it within certain timeline (usually a month I think). And if you forgot about it, you will receive a call from the port asking you to collect your container load of soya beans. So most importantly, if you were to buy commodities, buy something that you LIKE, like coffee beans. Even you forget to sell, at least you have a lifetime supply of coffee.
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Marketers Are Liars
As you know (if you don't know), I am in marketing. There are those trade publications like Marketing-interactive and The Marketer. I reckon I should start my own marketing column called "Marketers Are Liars". We are not really liars, we are just story tellers. We all like to sell a good story and then of course you will buy from us.
As you know (if you don't know again), I am managing direct marketing channels and one of them is SMS. You know those SMS you receive Adv
Yah... You could be receiving those that I sent.
Anyway there will be people who unsubscribe to SMS notifications during each campaign. As unsubscribing is automated, you actually have to reply as indicated in the SMS to unsubscribe. If not the system cannot identify your SMS and unsubscribe you. (yes the system is not that intelligent yet)
So part of my job is to manually unsubscribe people from the SMS list in the event they spell wrongly 'unsub' like 'unscb'. Some people are polite to actually type a full sentence to indicate their intentions like "Please unsubscribe me from you list. Thank you." or "Unsubscribe. Thks." These are genuine mistakes, so I have to manually remove them as the system cannot recognise such instructions.
I actually receive an unsubscribe request in this format and in this case the unsubscribe command is 'X'. Here is one classic SMS:
F**k you man! I dont give a f**k care about your f**king contest! X!
Ok as you can see from the above SMS, obviously the system won't unsubscribe the number...
Anyway I am thinking of sending an SMS response (using the system of course) to that person's number in the below format,
"This is an automated reply. Your SMS has been forwarded to the police. They will be calling you shortly."
This should be quite cool...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Monday, June 30, 2008
The Pineapple Times
I have decided to start my own newspaper, its obviously called "The Pineapple Times" since its the first edition, you can read it for free, I think I will start selling the second edition. Read the sections that you are interested, it will help you in your life... Really...
The Pineapple Times
Money Matters
I finally mailed my insurance application today, finally opened an online trading account with DBS Vickers and finally I am going to get rich.....
According to Mr Fly (long long time never wrote about him) Now the stock market is displaying Double 'M' Top or Double Top 'M', whichever it is, it means the market is going to slide further.
As much as you think I am going to give you some tips on stocks, I am going to tell you what a taxi driver tell me about stocks. He said and prophesize that economy goes into decline every 12 years, especially in the Year of the Tiger, he gave some examples like 1978/79, 1998/99 and the next one will be 2009/10. However if you notice, some of the maths don't seem to quite add up. Anyway something money related is that every time when it is the Year of the Rat, there will be heavy flooding. (water = money)
In case you wonder how come the taxi uncle still drives taxi, I suspect its his hobby, if not he must really not like money...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Women Weekly
As I spoke to my lecturer (obviously a woman) about this guy leaving his job, the first thing she said, "He must have been sacked!" Obviously she knows and detest this man and then she told me...
Lecturer: "Bad guys will always get sacked."
Pineapple Tat: "But they always climbed very high." (in the corporate world)
Lecturer: "Yes but they will get sacked one day."
Pineapple Tat: "Really?"
And then she rest her hand on my shoulder and reassured me,
Lecturer: "Yes... Trust me... They will get sacked one day."
And then another woman told me about this wicked man whom she describe as having amnesia and forgot about what he said that he will support her on. I am not sure if he really deserved it but...
She exclaimed: "He is really a wicked man, he will become an ant in his next life!"
In case you think that Women Weekly is going to teach you about how to get free sex or court girls... Nope... Its about how women curse men weekly...
So bad and wicked people will get sacked and become an ant in their next life...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
My Space
I was sitting in a huge glass cube at this meeting where there were 2 men in front of me discussing about something. However all I could pick out was portal, COTU and Aria. I suspect that they are not speaking English and I am very sure they are talking about teleporting a secret weapon to destroy another planet. And then I realised they had pointed ears. And then I realised I must be in the wrong galaxy and then I kept pressing my watch trying to beam myself away from that glass cube, back to my Pineapple Starship...
Next time when you are stuck in the wrong galaxy, just say that you need to refill the urinal so that it can start flushing again. Ok I know... Crap...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
The Pineapple Times
Money Matters
I finally mailed my insurance application today, finally opened an online trading account with DBS Vickers and finally I am going to get rich.....
According to Mr Fly (long long time never wrote about him) Now the stock market is displaying Double 'M' Top or Double Top 'M', whichever it is, it means the market is going to slide further.
As much as you think I am going to give you some tips on stocks, I am going to tell you what a taxi driver tell me about stocks. He said and prophesize that economy goes into decline every 12 years, especially in the Year of the Tiger, he gave some examples like 1978/79, 1998/99 and the next one will be 2009/10. However if you notice, some of the maths don't seem to quite add up. Anyway something money related is that every time when it is the Year of the Rat, there will be heavy flooding. (water = money)
In case you wonder how come the taxi uncle still drives taxi, I suspect its his hobby, if not he must really not like money...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Women Weekly
As I spoke to my lecturer (obviously a woman) about this guy leaving his job, the first thing she said, "He must have been sacked!" Obviously she knows and detest this man and then she told me...
Lecturer: "Bad guys will always get sacked."
Pineapple Tat: "But they always climbed very high." (in the corporate world)
Lecturer: "Yes but they will get sacked one day."
Pineapple Tat: "Really?"
And then she rest her hand on my shoulder and reassured me,
Lecturer: "Yes... Trust me... They will get sacked one day."
And then another woman told me about this wicked man whom she describe as having amnesia and forgot about what he said that he will support her on. I am not sure if he really deserved it but...
She exclaimed: "He is really a wicked man, he will become an ant in his next life!"
In case you think that Women Weekly is going to teach you about how to get free sex or court girls... Nope... Its about how women curse men weekly...
So bad and wicked people will get sacked and become an ant in their next life...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
My Space
I was sitting in a huge glass cube at this meeting where there were 2 men in front of me discussing about something. However all I could pick out was portal, COTU and Aria. I suspect that they are not speaking English and I am very sure they are talking about teleporting a secret weapon to destroy another planet. And then I realised they had pointed ears. And then I realised I must be in the wrong galaxy and then I kept pressing my watch trying to beam myself away from that glass cube, back to my Pineapple Starship...
Next time when you are stuck in the wrong galaxy, just say that you need to refill the urinal so that it can start flushing again. Ok I know... Crap...
Correspondent: Pineapple Tat
Saturday, June 07, 2008
LaughOutLoud.Com.Sg
Do you want to...
Learn how to chase girl?
Learn how to tell jokes?
Watch the videos @... http://www.laughoutloud.com.sg/#Scene_1
Learn how to chase girl?
Learn how to tell jokes?
Watch the videos @... http://www.laughoutloud.com.sg/#Scene_1
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
To Love An Imperfect Man
I look into the mirror and I am not sure what she sees in this man...
I look into my wallet and I am not sure what wonderful things can this little money buy...
I thank God for sending me this wonderful woman into my life...
For she does not ask of me to pluck the stars up in the sky for her or to dig for diamonds under the earth...
For she will be happy just to have the sweets in my pocket...
And to have such a wonderful woman loving an imperfect man like me, what more can I ask for...
Dedicated to Ms K and I want to wish you a Happy Birthday!
I look into my wallet and I am not sure what wonderful things can this little money buy...
I thank God for sending me this wonderful woman into my life...
For she does not ask of me to pluck the stars up in the sky for her or to dig for diamonds under the earth...
For she will be happy just to have the sweets in my pocket...
And to have such a wonderful woman loving an imperfect man like me, what more can I ask for...
Dedicated to Ms K and I want to wish you a Happy Birthday!
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Mid 20s Crisis
You know people always talk about mid life crisis, I am not even sure which part of my life is mid life. It could be 20 (if you live until 40), it could be 30 (if you live until 60), it could be 40 (if you live until 80) and on and on and on. I reckon my mid life is about 50 because I will live to 100 and beyond, simply because I don't smoke, I don't drink (ok a little bit), I don't gamble (using luck is gamble, using skills is not) and I sleep a lot.
Being 25, I think I am having a quarter life crisis (remember I will live to 100 and beyond). Because I have:
1. Resign from my job: Strangely everything seems quiet, no hooha nothing. Of course it's good, just that it feels strangely quiet, like calmness before a storm...
2. Found a new job: I am looking forward to the new challenges and to learn new things. People usually get excited about it... Not sure why I am not...
3. Lessons postponed: My lecturer went for an op suddenly, glad that everything turns out well for her. However not sure when the lessons will resume and project postpone till when...
4. Financial: Haven't bought my insurance, start investment, file my tax, save enough money for education...
5. Education: Will be taking my degree next year after I complete my diploma this year, it will be another 2 years of studying and by that time I would be 28...
6. No one seduce me: Yah... Why don't have?
Things and life seem to stop moving...
And talking about me living to 100, I think I will tell Ms K that if she live to be 100, I hope to live to be 100 and minus a day. Why? So that I will not live a day without her...
Being 25, I think I am having a quarter life crisis (remember I will live to 100 and beyond). Because I have:
1. Resign from my job: Strangely everything seems quiet, no hooha nothing. Of course it's good, just that it feels strangely quiet, like calmness before a storm...
2. Found a new job: I am looking forward to the new challenges and to learn new things. People usually get excited about it... Not sure why I am not...
3. Lessons postponed: My lecturer went for an op suddenly, glad that everything turns out well for her. However not sure when the lessons will resume and project postpone till when...
4. Financial: Haven't bought my insurance, start investment, file my tax, save enough money for education...
5. Education: Will be taking my degree next year after I complete my diploma this year, it will be another 2 years of studying and by that time I would be 28...
6. No one seduce me: Yah... Why don't have?
Things and life seem to stop moving...
And talking about me living to 100, I think I will tell Ms K that if she live to be 100, I hope to live to be 100 and minus a day. Why? So that I will not live a day without her...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Top 10 Women
I read Veran's blog and he mention that he started writing a blog because of a girl. I wonder whether I wrote a blog for the same reason (1 girl) or reasons (many girls)? I can't exactly remember what happened, so I am going to look through all my past records and read what really happen... Then I thought I should just pick my Top 10 Favourite Stories of Women, so here goes...
1. An April Summer Breeze (March 17, 2006)
2. Dreaming Ms K (March 17, 2006)
3. Jingle Bells Jingle Bells (March 18, 2006)
4. A Passing of a April Shower (March 22, 2006)
5. Lost in the Train of Thoughts (March 25, 2006)
6. Slack and Slacker (April 06, 2006)
7. Credit Card, Dream Girl and Lily (October 02, 2006)
8. Looking Forward to Something Everyday (October 09, 2006)
9. Pieces (October 17, 2006)
10. Waiting for you (October 21, 2006)
11. Fate (February 05, 2007)
12. Balloons (February 10, 2007)
You must be wondering how come it is more than 10? Since my heart is full of love, there is definitely space for more than 10.....
1. An April Summer Breeze (March 17, 2006)
2. Dreaming Ms K (March 17, 2006)
3. Jingle Bells Jingle Bells (March 18, 2006)
4. A Passing of a April Shower (March 22, 2006)
5. Lost in the Train of Thoughts (March 25, 2006)
6. Slack and Slacker (April 06, 2006)
7. Credit Card, Dream Girl and Lily (October 02, 2006)
8. Looking Forward to Something Everyday (October 09, 2006)
9. Pieces (October 17, 2006)
10. Waiting for you (October 21, 2006)
11. Fate (February 05, 2007)
12. Balloons (February 10, 2007)
You must be wondering how come it is more than 10? Since my heart is full of love, there is definitely space for more than 10.....
New York Updates
How was my New York trip? Just read Ms K's blog... Lazy to write...
http://www.korina-sylee.blogspot.com/
Title: Learning Experience (07 March 2008)
&
Title: 10 Signs you have been to New York (04 March 2008)
http://www.korina-sylee.blogspot.com/
Title: Learning Experience (07 March 2008)
&
Title: 10 Signs you have been to New York (04 March 2008)
Friday, February 22, 2008
Out Of Singapore Reply
Dear Friends!
Your visit to my blog is important. I will be out of Singapore from 23/02/08 to 02/03/08. You may call or SMS me while I am in New York. However, I will not pick up your phone call or even reply you because it cost a bomb. And in the event I do accidentally pick up your call, I will charge it to you when I come back. For anything else, please don't call me and no I will not buy anything for you...
Have a blessed weekend ahead!
Warm Regards,
Pineapple Tat
Your visit to my blog is important. I will be out of Singapore from 23/02/08 to 02/03/08. You may call or SMS me while I am in New York. However, I will not pick up your phone call or even reply you because it cost a bomb. And in the event I do accidentally pick up your call, I will charge it to you when I come back. For anything else, please don't call me and no I will not buy anything for you...
Have a blessed weekend ahead!
Warm Regards,
Pineapple Tat
Sunday, January 27, 2008
What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?
I was browsing through Ms Pooh's blog and she always has these lobangs (links) for those pyschoanalysis of your character type articles. This is her latest on name analysis, looks interesting so I give it a shot...
| What Wei Tat Means |
 You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. |
Saturday, January 19, 2008
2 More People
My SVP (Senior Vice President) told me that he is going to add 2 more people in my team, so he asked me to keep a look out for 2 more people to join my team. Finally I have a team instead of a partnership like Ms Piggy and me.
As I was pondering on what kind of girl I mean person I should look for, I came across a social escort agency website (I am not going to tell you why I am there) and saw this recruitment ad on their website, it was advertised as follows,
As I was pondering on what kind of girl I mean person I should look for, I came across a social escort agency website (I am not going to tell you why I am there) and saw this recruitment ad on their website, it was advertised as follows,
"We are continuously recruiting for exquisite, beautiful young ladies who wish to join us as an escort-model or traveling companion."
- You must be between 18 and 32 years old
- You must be well educated
- You must have a warm and sophisticated personality
- You must feel comfortable in a variety of social and business circle
- You must be well mannered and well spoken
The above ad is well written and the requirements are simple, so I have decided to use it in my own recruitment ad. As I do not have a budget to advertise in the papers, I will just use my blog to advertise. So here is how my ad looks like,
"We are recruiting for exquisite, beautiful young ladies who wish to join us as an merchant relations associate" (I know there isn't much change except the last few words, I mean this sentence is already beautifully crafted, what else can I change?)
::You must be between 18 and 25 years old (must be younger than me)
::You must be well educated (negotiable)
::You must have a warm and sophisticated personality (very important)
::You must feel comfortable in a variety of social and business circle (for work)
::You must be well mannered and well spoken (a must)
As you can see my requirements are pretty simple, so I should be able to find someone soon. Oh yah, we regret that only shortlisted candidates will be notify and if you are a guy wanting to apply, you can forget about it...
What I Want To Be When I Grow Up
I remember when I was kid, I wanted to be a Scientist and invent a time machine. I don't really know what is my reason for doing that, I just think it's cool.
When I was in secondary school, I wanted to be a pilot, a fighter Pilot to be exact. Maybe it's because I watch the movie"Top Gun" and think to myself "that's cool". However I heard you have to have prefect eyesight and have to be good at maths. Well, I have the former but I can't even count to save my life. On top of that, I am afraid of heights and speed. Ok I know, guys should like racing cars right, not me.
As I go into pre-university education, I wanted to be a Policeman. I mean I would love to catch bad guys and really kick their ass. Then I realise and heard from people that being a policeman isn't really about that, depending on what you are doing, it can be boring or political.
After National Service, I wanted to be a investment Banker, so I took a degree in banking and Finance. Realise that it's really boring and I still hate maths! Actually as long as the maths made sense to me, I am fine but I cannot really understand why we are studying C Maths, F Maths and all those that we never will apply in life. Met a career counsellor in school, told him that I wanted to go into the marketing, advertising & media, public relations industry. He told me I should just switch course and do something I like.
Finally I decided to switch to a Professional Diploma in Advertising and Design because I wanted to be a Copywriter. Come out to work and took it part time. Good move because by God's grace I actually got into a marketing department indirectly. Now I can be a Marketer too!
After going through my part time course, met some people from the advertising & media industry, took a module on media planning and found that media planning is so interesting! Now I want to be a Media Planner.
Waiting for the opportunity to happen...
When I was in secondary school, I wanted to be a pilot, a fighter Pilot to be exact. Maybe it's because I watch the movie"Top Gun" and think to myself "that's cool". However I heard you have to have prefect eyesight and have to be good at maths. Well, I have the former but I can't even count to save my life. On top of that, I am afraid of heights and speed. Ok I know, guys should like racing cars right, not me.
As I go into pre-university education, I wanted to be a Policeman. I mean I would love to catch bad guys and really kick their ass. Then I realise and heard from people that being a policeman isn't really about that, depending on what you are doing, it can be boring or political.
After National Service, I wanted to be a investment Banker, so I took a degree in banking and Finance. Realise that it's really boring and I still hate maths! Actually as long as the maths made sense to me, I am fine but I cannot really understand why we are studying C Maths, F Maths and all those that we never will apply in life. Met a career counsellor in school, told him that I wanted to go into the marketing, advertising & media, public relations industry. He told me I should just switch course and do something I like.
Finally I decided to switch to a Professional Diploma in Advertising and Design because I wanted to be a Copywriter. Come out to work and took it part time. Good move because by God's grace I actually got into a marketing department indirectly. Now I can be a Marketer too!
After going through my part time course, met some people from the advertising & media industry, took a module on media planning and found that media planning is so interesting! Now I want to be a Media Planner.
Waiting for the opportunity to happen...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I See People Everywhere
Apparently I got this knack of seeing familiar faces almost everyday. Of course I am not talking about colleagues which you will definitely see almost everyday but people whom you seldom meet, don't really keep in touch, have not met for a long time, ex-colleagues, ex-schoolmates, people you have attended courses or talks with etc...
I see them at the MRT stations, saw them at nightspots, bump into them at shopping malls, even going for IPPT (a compulsory fitness test for previously conscript soldiers) at Maju Camp, I actually had the same test date with my friend Mr Alien who stays at Pasir Ris. Today I was given a shock when Ms Kitty, an ex-colleague, "OEI" me at Burger King at International Plaza. She happens to be on off today and was meeting a friend. I even saw an ex-boyfriend of a ex-classmate twice at Tanjong Pagar, once standing right in front of me in the train, another time walking past me at an underpass.
Everything is such a concidence or maybe it's fate or maybe I can just pretend I don't see them.
Some say it's because I have many friends.
Some say it's because I am good at recognising faces.
I say I should not owe people any money,
Because I cannot run away......
I see them at the MRT stations, saw them at nightspots, bump into them at shopping malls, even going for IPPT (a compulsory fitness test for previously conscript soldiers) at Maju Camp, I actually had the same test date with my friend Mr Alien who stays at Pasir Ris. Today I was given a shock when Ms Kitty, an ex-colleague, "OEI" me at Burger King at International Plaza. She happens to be on off today and was meeting a friend. I even saw an ex-boyfriend of a ex-classmate twice at Tanjong Pagar, once standing right in front of me in the train, another time walking past me at an underpass.
Everything is such a concidence or maybe it's fate or maybe I can just pretend I don't see them.
Some say it's because I have many friends.
Some say it's because I am good at recognising faces.
I say I should not owe people any money,
Because I cannot run away......
Monday, January 14, 2008
Rest
I am thinking of taking a sabbatical...
Sabbatical means: any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.
When I say sabbatical, I mean the meaning in bold, nope I am not acquiring a new skill, however if that makes for a good excuse I would take it.
Another meaning of sabbatical: a leave usually taken every seventh year (the length of leave is usually 1 year)
I have been living in this world for almost 26 years, which means I can take 3 years of leave, so it means my next sabbatical is when I am 28 years old. I am looking forward to that and for every 7 years we live in this world, we should take a year leave.
Argghhh... I keep having strange thoughts about resting...
Sabbatical means: any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc.
When I say sabbatical, I mean the meaning in bold, nope I am not acquiring a new skill, however if that makes for a good excuse I would take it.
Another meaning of sabbatical: a leave usually taken every seventh year (the length of leave is usually 1 year)
I have been living in this world for almost 26 years, which means I can take 3 years of leave, so it means my next sabbatical is when I am 28 years old. I am looking forward to that and for every 7 years we live in this world, we should take a year leave.
Argghhh... I keep having strange thoughts about resting...
Monday, January 07, 2008
How To Drive A Man Crazy
I have told some girls before on what drives a man crazy. In case you have missed what I have taught before, these are what drives a man crazy... (In case you are still wondering what I am talking about, I am talking about what you can wear to drive them nuts)
1. Off shoulder clothes, the lower the better
Apparently when women show their shoulders, it drives men nuts. That is why in dating websites for foreign brides market to Europeans, the women are told to wear off shoulder clothes in their photos.
2. Tight skirts with slits, the higher the better
Ever wonder why cheongsams are design the way they are? To keep cool? Noooo.... To attract men of course, the ancients have always scheme against the man race.
3. Absurdly high heel shoes with strap around the ankles
I must admit these shoes really look nice. Makes the legs look tone, however its just another trap to drive men crazy...
Ok... After crapping about the above, seriously ladies you can try them and you will notice more men will look at you. Trust me... And if you happen to know me and dress like that, and realise that I am not looking at you, that's because I have stronger will power than most men. If you don't believe, you can try wearing it in front of me.......
1. Off shoulder clothes, the lower the better
Apparently when women show their shoulders, it drives men nuts. That is why in dating websites for foreign brides market to Europeans, the women are told to wear off shoulder clothes in their photos.
2. Tight skirts with slits, the higher the better
Ever wonder why cheongsams are design the way they are? To keep cool? Noooo.... To attract men of course, the ancients have always scheme against the man race.
3. Absurdly high heel shoes with strap around the ankles
I must admit these shoes really look nice. Makes the legs look tone, however its just another trap to drive men crazy...
Ok... After crapping about the above, seriously ladies you can try them and you will notice more men will look at you. Trust me... And if you happen to know me and dress like that, and realise that I am not looking at you, that's because I have stronger will power than most men. If you don't believe, you can try wearing it in front of me.......
Happy For Nothing?
I had a sense of elation today... Strange but suddenly feel happy... Is something happy going to happen to me... I am listening to this korean song... It goes something like this "You can say... You can dream..."
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Jobs Seekers Job Leavers
I cannot believe when Ms Pooh told me that she has stand her crazy boss for almost 2 years. How someone attain that kind of nirvana in the face of a boss who stalks you incessantly really buffers me. Kudos to Ms Pooh...
Yesterday I met up with my old schoolmates from my A Level days, somehow we lost touch for a period of time and suddenly we are meeting for gatherings. I think as we grew older, we need more friends or rather we don't really make new friends.
Of course when in school you talk about school and now we talk about work. Great to know Mr Nose found a job in a bank which named itself after a woman. He has been looking for a job. Coincidentally, Ms Pooh's boyfriend Mr Pooh got one at the same bank. Mr Sun is also looking for a job in the finance industry, Mr Alien will also soon be looking for one in the middle of the year after graduating. These are the job seekers.
Ms Pooh has left her job without one, Mr Alien's girlfriend Mrs Alien is contemplating to resign due to her boss not fulfilling his promise, Ms K of course has thought of resigning for months since starting work at her new place because of her boss too. These are the job leavers.
As you can see, everyone is thinking of getting a new job or leaving their current one even without finding a new one. And everytime someone says they want to leave, the question is "Is your boss a woman?" I am not saying a woman boss is not good but apparently bad working experiences occur with woman bosses and I had 2. Apparently the criteria for a woman boss to be crazy is that they have to be of certain age, no children and single. For my previous 2 bosses, they are married but their husbands are not with them, so its as good as they are single and of certain age.
You must be thinking that I am stereotyping people, well if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. Now did I just saw some signs that I am leaving too...
Note: My current boss is ok, however I have just encountered a crazy woman and of course some uncertainty.
Yesterday I met up with my old schoolmates from my A Level days, somehow we lost touch for a period of time and suddenly we are meeting for gatherings. I think as we grew older, we need more friends or rather we don't really make new friends.
Of course when in school you talk about school and now we talk about work. Great to know Mr Nose found a job in a bank which named itself after a woman. He has been looking for a job. Coincidentally, Ms Pooh's boyfriend Mr Pooh got one at the same bank. Mr Sun is also looking for a job in the finance industry, Mr Alien will also soon be looking for one in the middle of the year after graduating. These are the job seekers.
Ms Pooh has left her job without one, Mr Alien's girlfriend Mrs Alien is contemplating to resign due to her boss not fulfilling his promise, Ms K of course has thought of resigning for months since starting work at her new place because of her boss too. These are the job leavers.
As you can see, everyone is thinking of getting a new job or leaving their current one even without finding a new one. And everytime someone says they want to leave, the question is "Is your boss a woman?" I am not saying a woman boss is not good but apparently bad working experiences occur with woman bosses and I had 2. Apparently the criteria for a woman boss to be crazy is that they have to be of certain age, no children and single. For my previous 2 bosses, they are married but their husbands are not with them, so its as good as they are single and of certain age.
You must be thinking that I am stereotyping people, well if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. Now did I just saw some signs that I am leaving too...
Note: My current boss is ok, however I have just encountered a crazy woman and of course some uncertainty.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Dream Dream Dream
I have decided to write my blog religiously, make 1 billion dollars out of it and then retire when I am 29. I have thought of being a poet, an artist drawing by the Singapore River, a novelist writing romance novels or a story teller. If I can't be a story teller, I will be a con-artist (I will not cheat women and old people), operate a gambling syndicate or become a drug lord.
Today I had another dream...
Ring Ring Ring
Pineapple Tat: "Hello."
Caller: "Hello, is this American Express?"
Pineapple Tat:" Errr... No... This is Dat Banking Syndicate. How did you get my number?"
Caller:"Oh sorry... Someone gave me your number, ok bye..."
Pineapple Tat told Superman and Ms Piggy: "Hey, someone called me and thought she is calling American Express... Ha, I wished..."
Before I left the Old Chinese Banking Company, the sages over there warn me about going to Dat Banking Syndicate. Their prophecies keep ringing in my ears....
Sage Number 1: "People who has went there, in the end came back here..."
Sage Number 2: "Huhhhh.... You are going over there ar..."
Sage Number 3: "Why are you going over there??"
Sage Number 4: "What! You are going over there..."
And plus 254 other sages prophezies the same thing but in different variations. I never doubt leaving the incense smoke filled temple though the people there are friendly and helpful. I mean I was going for gold... Besides I am a mercenary, I can't live with nice people...
I was reaching for a cave full of gold but I found out it was a store room full of boxes and paper. Everyone seem to be keeping to themselves, form their own tribes, are hermits or outcasts. The real cave full of gold was in another cave deeper in the ground, still I heard there was silent war. I am glad I am in this store room afterall because it could be worse...
Then I realised one thing, that I forgot to reply the person who ask me whether I want to go to American Express or did she ask me whether she is calling American Express? AHHHHH! I can't call her back because it is a private number...
Today I had another dream...
Ring Ring Ring
Pineapple Tat: "Hello."
Caller: "Hello, is this American Express?"
Pineapple Tat:" Errr... No... This is Dat Banking Syndicate. How did you get my number?"
Caller:"Oh sorry... Someone gave me your number, ok bye..."
Pineapple Tat told Superman and Ms Piggy: "Hey, someone called me and thought she is calling American Express... Ha, I wished..."
Before I left the Old Chinese Banking Company, the sages over there warn me about going to Dat Banking Syndicate. Their prophecies keep ringing in my ears....
Sage Number 1: "People who has went there, in the end came back here..."
Sage Number 2: "Huhhhh.... You are going over there ar..."
Sage Number 3: "Why are you going over there??"
Sage Number 4: "What! You are going over there..."
And plus 254 other sages prophezies the same thing but in different variations. I never doubt leaving the incense smoke filled temple though the people there are friendly and helpful. I mean I was going for gold... Besides I am a mercenary, I can't live with nice people...
I was reaching for a cave full of gold but I found out it was a store room full of boxes and paper. Everyone seem to be keeping to themselves, form their own tribes, are hermits or outcasts. The real cave full of gold was in another cave deeper in the ground, still I heard there was silent war. I am glad I am in this store room afterall because it could be worse...
Then I realised one thing, that I forgot to reply the person who ask me whether I want to go to American Express or did she ask me whether she is calling American Express? AHHHHH! I can't call her back because it is a private number...
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
A Really Lucky Draw
My company is known to give out X'mas lucky draw prizes like it's free, indeed it's free, they are sponsored by business partners. Prizes like cameras, handphones, air tickets, watches and hundred dollars of vouchers.
Since everyone is guaranteed a prize, naturally people are disappointed when they are being picked first cos the best prizes are announced last. I can't believe it when the lucky draw picker refuse to announced my name, I was never a big fan of lucky draw that is why I don't buy 4D or lottery. Yes you heard right, lottery is a lucky draw and I don't care if you think 6th sense (if you consider that a skill) and mathematical ability is required of it.
Now there are only 4 people left announced the lucky draw picker and they are all women's names... Huh?? Later I realised I am not in the draw due to a mix-up and the last few prizes are air tickets to far far away places like Japan and London. I wasn't disappointed seriously because these things are not mine in the first place.
When it was drawn to the last 2 prizes, the organiser suddenly realise that there are 6 people left and miraclously they decide to include everyone and....... I won 2 air tickets to New York....
Since everyone is guaranteed a prize, naturally people are disappointed when they are being picked first cos the best prizes are announced last. I can't believe it when the lucky draw picker refuse to announced my name, I was never a big fan of lucky draw that is why I don't buy 4D or lottery. Yes you heard right, lottery is a lucky draw and I don't care if you think 6th sense (if you consider that a skill) and mathematical ability is required of it.
Now there are only 4 people left announced the lucky draw picker and they are all women's names... Huh?? Later I realised I am not in the draw due to a mix-up and the last few prizes are air tickets to far far away places like Japan and London. I wasn't disappointed seriously because these things are not mine in the first place.
When it was drawn to the last 2 prizes, the organiser suddenly realise that there are 6 people left and miraclously they decide to include everyone and....... I won 2 air tickets to New York....
Clean and Scrub, Spick and Span
I was cleaning up my forsaken room which I used to share with my father. I suspect that it must have been almost 2 years since I slept in that room, judging from the thickness of the dirt accumalated on the fan. I have this typical chinese habit of hoarding useless things like clips, 3 year old highlighters, paper bags that I never will use, university notes long long ago, boxes etc...
I think I took about 3 hours to clean just the fan, clear the cabinet and throw away all the useless stuffs, so that I will have more space to keep other useless stuffs... And I don't even know why I am writing about this... I guess packing and cleaning your house is theurapatic, it can make you feel happy and lighter; I am talking about it emotionally not your weight, so ladies you can try it. Sometimes losing weight don't really make you happy, only housework does...
I think I took about 3 hours to clean just the fan, clear the cabinet and throw away all the useless stuffs, so that I will have more space to keep other useless stuffs... And I don't even know why I am writing about this... I guess packing and cleaning your house is theurapatic, it can make you feel happy and lighter; I am talking about it emotionally not your weight, so ladies you can try it. Sometimes losing weight don't really make you happy, only housework does...
Saturday, December 29, 2007
3 Lucky Things
The Singh that I met at the traffic junction near my office told me that December will be a lucky month for me. He said 3 lucky things will happen to me...
One. I lost my transponder (a device to open my office door), I thought I have to pay S$50 for losing it. I found out I only need to pay S$38.
Two. I was holding a hot water flask vertically, the bottom gave way. The whole glass interior drop onto the floor, the glass shattered , splittering on the floor like glittering stars. Luckily I only got scalded at my armpit. Later I realised I cut my big toe too.
Three. I have been awarded 2 days MC for the past 2 consecutive weeks. Which means I have been working for only half a week for the past 2 weeks. And I am still sick.
Well I am not sure what are the 3 lucky things that is suppose to happen to me in December. But I definitely know one unlucky thing will definitely happen to him when I see him again... That is a punch in his face...
One. I lost my transponder (a device to open my office door), I thought I have to pay S$50 for losing it. I found out I only need to pay S$38.
Two. I was holding a hot water flask vertically, the bottom gave way. The whole glass interior drop onto the floor, the glass shattered , splittering on the floor like glittering stars. Luckily I only got scalded at my armpit. Later I realised I cut my big toe too.
Three. I have been awarded 2 days MC for the past 2 consecutive weeks. Which means I have been working for only half a week for the past 2 weeks. And I am still sick.
Well I am not sure what are the 3 lucky things that is suppose to happen to me in December. But I definitely know one unlucky thing will definitely happen to him when I see him again... That is a punch in his face...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Some thoughts
I was standing beside Mr Chat at the urinal when we started to chat (urine still flowing). Now you know how all those toilet chat came about. I asked him: "Will you miss this place?" Mr Chat: "No of course not..." It was his second last day with the company and he looks happy like a bird set free...
I remember when I came here the first time, my table was dusty, my email was not up, my namecards were not ready. My office common cubicle has 5 people in it. 1 in each corner, Mr Chat, Mr Superman, Ms Fan and me. Mr USA the temp staff sat in the middle table. I treat them like my imaginary team. We were the SPCA, specially protected by my boss.
In my team, Mr Chat is my transport guide, he will always provide me with directions. Mr Superman is my IT helpdesk, he guides me on how to read the system, Mr USA is my editor, he reads my email and edit it before I send it out. As for Ms Fan, I just pretend she is my secretary.
Ms Fan left after 1 month I was here. We took a team photo. It was a happy moment and I happen to be wearing a tie. Ms Fan looks very happy. Mr Chat left 2 months after I was here, this time we didn't took any photos, didn't have any lunch, and I didn't get to tell him to remember to be successful when he goes out. He left just like that...
Going back to the toilet conversation (urine still flowing into the urinal) I said to Mr Chat: "Well... You will miss this place when you leave." After a short silence, I said: "I miss OCBC..."
I remember when I came here the first time, my table was dusty, my email was not up, my namecards were not ready. My office common cubicle has 5 people in it. 1 in each corner, Mr Chat, Mr Superman, Ms Fan and me. Mr USA the temp staff sat in the middle table. I treat them like my imaginary team. We were the SPCA, specially protected by my boss.
In my team, Mr Chat is my transport guide, he will always provide me with directions. Mr Superman is my IT helpdesk, he guides me on how to read the system, Mr USA is my editor, he reads my email and edit it before I send it out. As for Ms Fan, I just pretend she is my secretary.
Ms Fan left after 1 month I was here. We took a team photo. It was a happy moment and I happen to be wearing a tie. Ms Fan looks very happy. Mr Chat left 2 months after I was here, this time we didn't took any photos, didn't have any lunch, and I didn't get to tell him to remember to be successful when he goes out. He left just like that...
Going back to the toilet conversation (urine still flowing into the urinal) I said to Mr Chat: "Well... You will miss this place when you leave." After a short silence, I said: "I miss OCBC..."
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Strange Encounters
"You got a very lucky face."
A towering Singh with a yellow turban said to me when I was waiting to cross the road at Tanjong Pagar. On his yellow turban is an emblem which I did not see clearly.
"Sorry huh..." I said and looking puzzled.
"You got a very lucky face." The Singh said again.
"December will be very lucky to you and 3 happy things will happen." Said the Singh
"Oh......" At that moment I was freak out.
"What is your name?" Said the Singh
"Wei Tat." I said. Unsure that I should tell him at all. I wanted bullshit an English name like Peter or Jackson.
Then he took out a yellow namecard that is laminated. On top it wrote "God loves you" and his name "Raja". There were other words but I was too freak out to read. He said something which I can't remember and I told him that I am in a rush and return him the namecard and he just said "ok". To my surprise he is not persistent. I just cross the road and walk away from him.
The second encounter was with a woman while I was sitting in the train going home. She was sitting beside me and she suddenly spoke to me.
Woman: "You have a nice bag, where did you buy it?"
Pineapple Tat: "I bought it from Metro."
Woman: "What brand is this?"
Pineapple Tat: "FX Creation."
Woman: "How much is it?"
Pineapple Tat: "I can't really remember..."
Then she start having a conversation with me about her son's bag being too heavy and she wants to buy a lighter one. Suddenly she start molesting my bag by poking it, feeling the material and pinching to feel its softness. My bag was humiliated just like that.
In a third encounter, I was in the train going home with Ms K and Ms Piggy. After they alighted, 2 men nearby suddenly start talking to me. They say I look very familiar. They have seen me somewhere before. However both of them came from Malaysia, and I can't recall seeing both of them before. Upon realising that we don't know each other. They still kept talking to me, what is most suspicious about them is that they kept asking about my occupation and my life. They seem really interested in me and one guy even shake hand with me and introduce himself. In an instance reaction, when the train reach Lakeside, I got down, one stop before Boon Lay where I alight to go home. I just told them I am alighting and then left. In the end I walked and took a bus home.
When I was selling credit cards part time, sometimes I would try to look grumpy and lean on the underpass wall of a credit card hub at Orchard MRT. However and strangely people will still ask me for directions. I mean I try to look grumpy so that nobody will ask me anything, can't these people read body language?!
You know what I conclude from these incidents - That I have a handsome face. Even the Singh thinks so. He said "You have a very lucky face." Just tell me, "You have a very handsome face." I will understand it just as well. No wonder strangers keep talking to me...
A towering Singh with a yellow turban said to me when I was waiting to cross the road at Tanjong Pagar. On his yellow turban is an emblem which I did not see clearly.
"Sorry huh..." I said and looking puzzled.
"You got a very lucky face." The Singh said again.
"December will be very lucky to you and 3 happy things will happen." Said the Singh
"Oh......" At that moment I was freak out.
"What is your name?" Said the Singh
"Wei Tat." I said. Unsure that I should tell him at all. I wanted bullshit an English name like Peter or Jackson.
Then he took out a yellow namecard that is laminated. On top it wrote "God loves you" and his name "Raja". There were other words but I was too freak out to read. He said something which I can't remember and I told him that I am in a rush and return him the namecard and he just said "ok". To my surprise he is not persistent. I just cross the road and walk away from him.
The second encounter was with a woman while I was sitting in the train going home. She was sitting beside me and she suddenly spoke to me.
Woman: "You have a nice bag, where did you buy it?"
Pineapple Tat: "I bought it from Metro."
Woman: "What brand is this?"
Pineapple Tat: "FX Creation."
Woman: "How much is it?"
Pineapple Tat: "I can't really remember..."
Then she start having a conversation with me about her son's bag being too heavy and she wants to buy a lighter one. Suddenly she start molesting my bag by poking it, feeling the material and pinching to feel its softness. My bag was humiliated just like that.
In a third encounter, I was in the train going home with Ms K and Ms Piggy. After they alighted, 2 men nearby suddenly start talking to me. They say I look very familiar. They have seen me somewhere before. However both of them came from Malaysia, and I can't recall seeing both of them before. Upon realising that we don't know each other. They still kept talking to me, what is most suspicious about them is that they kept asking about my occupation and my life. They seem really interested in me and one guy even shake hand with me and introduce himself. In an instance reaction, when the train reach Lakeside, I got down, one stop before Boon Lay where I alight to go home. I just told them I am alighting and then left. In the end I walked and took a bus home.
When I was selling credit cards part time, sometimes I would try to look grumpy and lean on the underpass wall of a credit card hub at Orchard MRT. However and strangely people will still ask me for directions. I mean I try to look grumpy so that nobody will ask me anything, can't these people read body language?!
You know what I conclude from these incidents - That I have a handsome face. Even the Singh thinks so. He said "You have a very lucky face." Just tell me, "You have a very handsome face." I will understand it just as well. No wonder strangers keep talking to me...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
My 6th Wife
I have always wanted to change my 6th wife, in case you are wondering who are my wives, please look at the following (I have 7 wives):
1. Ms K
2. Ms Piggy
3. Ms Lily
4. Ms Public Holiday
5. Ms Chipmunk
6. The female security guard at Old Chinese Banking Company recreation club
(I suspect Ms K wants to prevent me from adding more wives)
7. Mr Purple Tomato
(my ex-boss, Ms K insist he is number 7. She just wants to prevent me from having more wives)
You can find the photos of my wives in 25/06/07 article. Well I don't have the photo of my 6th wife but it's pretty obvious why I want to change. One, I don't want to know her. Two, I don't even want to know her. And Three, I know who I want. She is Ms Prozac.
I have been trying to get her to be my 6th wife. I have raised the question a few times. Ms K always say must go through her approval, Ms Piggy's approval and Ms Lily's approval before she can join. Ok fine. But where is the application form?!
One day, I raise the question again at Timbre and Ms K said, "Must go through our approval first." Ms Lily said, "We didn't agree to it." Ok so finally I gave up...
Then yesterday, Ms Prozac told me,
Pineapple Tat: "Hey, why don't you get yourself a boyfriend? (we can't be selfish)
Ms Prozac: : "I am trying but don't have suitable one... Anyway you have been asking this like forever." (see I told you I am not selfish)
Pineapple Tat: "Why don't you lower your expectations? You can't always find someone as good as me."
Ms Prozac: "I have already lower my expectations, so low that I am willing to choose you!"
After hearing this, I am touched. She has said yes to be my 6th wife! I have decided next Friday (26/10/07) when all my wives meet up for dinner. I will raised this up again, get an application form (if there is one) and apply for Ms Prozac to be my 6th wife.
1. Ms K
2. Ms Piggy
3. Ms Lily
4. Ms Public Holiday
5. Ms Chipmunk
6. The female security guard at Old Chinese Banking Company recreation club
(I suspect Ms K wants to prevent me from adding more wives)
7. Mr Purple Tomato
(my ex-boss, Ms K insist he is number 7. She just wants to prevent me from having more wives)
You can find the photos of my wives in 25/06/07 article. Well I don't have the photo of my 6th wife but it's pretty obvious why I want to change. One, I don't want to know her. Two, I don't even want to know her. And Three, I know who I want. She is Ms Prozac.
I have been trying to get her to be my 6th wife. I have raised the question a few times. Ms K always say must go through her approval, Ms Piggy's approval and Ms Lily's approval before she can join. Ok fine. But where is the application form?!
One day, I raise the question again at Timbre and Ms K said, "Must go through our approval first." Ms Lily said, "We didn't agree to it." Ok so finally I gave up...
Then yesterday, Ms Prozac told me,
Pineapple Tat: "Hey, why don't you get yourself a boyfriend? (we can't be selfish)
Ms Prozac: : "I am trying but don't have suitable one... Anyway you have been asking this like forever." (see I told you I am not selfish)
Pineapple Tat: "Why don't you lower your expectations? You can't always find someone as good as me."
Ms Prozac: "I have already lower my expectations, so low that I am willing to choose you!"
After hearing this, I am touched. She has said yes to be my 6th wife! I have decided next Friday (26/10/07) when all my wives meet up for dinner. I will raised this up again, get an application form (if there is one) and apply for Ms Prozac to be my 6th wife.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Almost there
I was sitting at a stand alone bus stop in the middle of nowhere. In front of me is a vast green field with the nearest flat 1 km away. 200m behind me a modern white elephant of the Punggol MRT station. The road in front of me stretches to my left disappearing into the forest and to my right into nothingness. The sky is dark and I can feel the strong cool breeze. It is going to rain...
I thought to myself: "What am I doing here?"
Suddenly life descend into nothingness...
I was on the verge of understanding the meaning of life, almost attaining nirvana, nearly achieving enlightenment, closing to the truth... Suddenly I realise everything is meaningless and non-existent. It exists because you think it is and you give value to it.
And then I woke up and realise how "ulu" (deserted) Punggol is. It is a place where birds don't lay eggs and dogs don't shit at place. Here I am waiting for a bus to go into the forest on my far left and expect to find a restaurant?! Why would someone open a restaurant at this place which is far far away long long ago?? The first thing when I met the restaurant owner I will say,
Pineapple Tat: "Hi! Nice restaurant, I would like to do promotions with your restaurant."
Restaurant Owner: "Sure!"
Pineapple Tat: "Can you sign the contract here?"
Restaurant Owner: "Ok!"
Pineapple Tat: "We would like to give you some point of sales materials like A1 banners, acrylic tentcards and bill folder inserts."
Restaurant Owner: "Yipeee!"
Pineapple Tat: "I can see that you have lots of customers like birds, racoons and monkeys in your restaurant."
Restaurant Owner: "These are my regulars."
Pineapple Tat: "I see there are no humans here. What promotions are we doing?"
Restaurant Owner: "1 for 1 Bananas, 10% off ala carte peanuts and 20% off signature earthworms."
Pineapple Tat: "I see..."
As I left the restaurant, the restaurant owner offer me some flies, I kindly decline. I think I saw him sticking out his tongue and sucking the flies.
I am almost there. Almost where? Almost getting out of there.....
I thought to myself: "What am I doing here?"
Suddenly life descend into nothingness...
I was on the verge of understanding the meaning of life, almost attaining nirvana, nearly achieving enlightenment, closing to the truth... Suddenly I realise everything is meaningless and non-existent. It exists because you think it is and you give value to it.
And then I woke up and realise how "ulu" (deserted) Punggol is. It is a place where birds don't lay eggs and dogs don't shit at place. Here I am waiting for a bus to go into the forest on my far left and expect to find a restaurant?! Why would someone open a restaurant at this place which is far far away long long ago?? The first thing when I met the restaurant owner I will say,
Pineapple Tat: "Hi! Nice restaurant, I would like to do promotions with your restaurant."
Restaurant Owner: "Sure!"
Pineapple Tat: "Can you sign the contract here?"
Restaurant Owner: "Ok!"
Pineapple Tat: "We would like to give you some point of sales materials like A1 banners, acrylic tentcards and bill folder inserts."
Restaurant Owner: "Yipeee!"
Pineapple Tat: "I can see that you have lots of customers like birds, racoons and monkeys in your restaurant."
Restaurant Owner: "These are my regulars."
Pineapple Tat: "I see there are no humans here. What promotions are we doing?"
Restaurant Owner: "1 for 1 Bananas, 10% off ala carte peanuts and 20% off signature earthworms."
Pineapple Tat: "I see..."
As I left the restaurant, the restaurant owner offer me some flies, I kindly decline. I think I saw him sticking out his tongue and sucking the flies.
I am almost there. Almost where? Almost getting out of there.....
Monday, October 15, 2007
Marketing Advice
Today I ask my lecturer that if I wanted to study for a degree in Marketing, where should I go? He told me to check out MIS (Marketing Institute of Singapore), the chairman is his friend and this friend started the Mediacorp Group. Another option is SIM (Singapore Institute of Management) because it is reputable although he is not sure about its marketing course.
However what he said next surprised me. He said the best marketers are engineers! He mention that those lecturers that are teaching at Insead (one of the leading management schools in the world) have engineering background. And even in knowledge of finance, engineers are the ones that are good at it, not accountants. Because engineering is a process, it is the improvement of process that put them one up. I am starting to have a new found RESPECT for engineers...
It does make sense because I read a book "Conversation with Marketing Masters", apparently some of these marketing masters had a degree or masters in a totally different discipline from marketing, like economics, engineering or even science. Yet they are the marketing masters. One example is Philip Kotler who is economics trained and a french guy (can't remember the name) who invented a program for marketing strategy.
My lecturer told me to be a marketer, I must have knowledge in finance because marketing is about bringing in profits and I need to know how to read the financials and derive the figures. He told me that since I work in a financial institute I should know all these and overcome it. What he said next really struck me,
"A marketer who doesn't know finance is just a bloody salesman!"
However what he said next surprised me. He said the best marketers are engineers! He mention that those lecturers that are teaching at Insead (one of the leading management schools in the world) have engineering background. And even in knowledge of finance, engineers are the ones that are good at it, not accountants. Because engineering is a process, it is the improvement of process that put them one up. I am starting to have a new found RESPECT for engineers...
It does make sense because I read a book "Conversation with Marketing Masters", apparently some of these marketing masters had a degree or masters in a totally different discipline from marketing, like economics, engineering or even science. Yet they are the marketing masters. One example is Philip Kotler who is economics trained and a french guy (can't remember the name) who invented a program for marketing strategy.
My lecturer told me to be a marketer, I must have knowledge in finance because marketing is about bringing in profits and I need to know how to read the financials and derive the figures. He told me that since I work in a financial institute I should know all these and overcome it. What he said next really struck me,
"A marketer who doesn't know finance is just a bloody salesman!"
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I am back!
Ok I know I should have write my blog almost everyday right but my brother was using the computer to watch anime. I am not a barbaric person, that is why I did not use my position as the "big brother" to ask him to let me use the computer. (except when I need to do work)
Everyday I always thought of what to write, however when I reach home, either I forgot what to write or I have no mood to write. I used to think that since I am doing a social experiement on blog writing like a girl, I wanted to name each blog entry "Social Experiment Day 1", "Social Experiment Day 2" etc.
However I scrap that idea of the naming convention. Maybe... I should scrap this whole experiment! By the way I took some photos. You must be wondering why I didn't post them. Too lazy lor...
Everyday I always thought of what to write, however when I reach home, either I forgot what to write or I have no mood to write. I used to think that since I am doing a social experiement on blog writing like a girl, I wanted to name each blog entry "Social Experiment Day 1", "Social Experiment Day 2" etc.
However I scrap that idea of the naming convention. Maybe... I should scrap this whole experiment! By the way I took some photos. You must be wondering why I didn't post them. Too lazy lor...
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Eh... What to write huh?
I wanted to write my blog yesterday but my brother was using the com. It's ok I shall continue my social experiment as usual on how to write like a girl as mention on 07/10/07.
Let me see what I should write about today... Let me see... Let me see... Write about work... No no no... Write about the places I visited the past few days meeting my merchants? Nah... Write that I drink on my job? Write about my colleague's last day tomorrow? Or write about someone is joining my team?
I don't know what to write leh... I know I know what to write... How about I don't write anything at all?
Let me see what I should write about today... Let me see... Let me see... Write about work... No no no... Write about the places I visited the past few days meeting my merchants? Nah... Write that I drink on my job? Write about my colleague's last day tomorrow? Or write about someone is joining my team?
I don't know what to write leh... I know I know what to write... How about I don't write anything at all?
Monday, October 08, 2007
Just write baby
As mention in my last article, I will try to write everyday as a social experiment. I will write what I like and how I like it without caring about the content or topic... So I am going to write like a girl!
Ok today I saw my cousin at UE Square in a art & craft shop. Apparently she is there teaching art & craft to kids. The best part is that I didn't know anything about her. You see, she belongs to my mum's side and I am more close to my father's relatives. Thus I have learnd more about her than I have seen her for 20 years of Chinese New Year (ok we usually see each other on CNY). Today I finally know her age and she is born on 1986. Haha... I just thought she would know 2 of my friends who studied in SP interior design like her. But they are born in 1984, so I actually thought her to be older. (I don't mean that, you do look young, it's just that it did not cross my mind about your age)
After writing in one breathe, I shall stop here and do my stuff. What stuff you might ask, like sleeping?
Ok today I saw my cousin at UE Square in a art & craft shop. Apparently she is there teaching art & craft to kids. The best part is that I didn't know anything about her. You see, she belongs to my mum's side and I am more close to my father's relatives. Thus I have learnd more about her than I have seen her for 20 years of Chinese New Year (ok we usually see each other on CNY). Today I finally know her age and she is born on 1986. Haha... I just thought she would know 2 of my friends who studied in SP interior design like her. But they are born in 1984, so I actually thought her to be older. (I don't mean that, you do look young, it's just that it did not cross my mind about your age)
After writing in one breathe, I shall stop here and do my stuff. What stuff you might ask, like sleeping?
Sunday, October 07, 2007
How to write a girl's blog
I once ask a guy friend to read another guy's blog. I told him it's pretty interesting. Guess what he told me,
Ignorant Guy: "I usually don't read a guy's blog, I read a girl's blog because I think its more interesting."
I was speechless... Of course I won't debate with him on the stereotyping of a sexes' blog on whether it's interesting or not. However I do realise that a girl's blog usually has the following characteristics,
1. Lots of photos - They love to post lots of photo, photos of food, photos of where they go, photos of what they buy, photos of me etc.....
2. Lots of entry - They have lots and lots and LOTS of entries, they can write almost everyday about nothing. Even if nothing special happens. They just write, no matter how short or how uneventful the day is. (except when they are busy with work)
3. They bitch and talk about everythings - You can really see the emotions, the complaints, the dramas and sometimes the vulgar languauge all come out! They talk about the weather, they talk about their friends, they talk about what they do at home, thay talk about what they do outside, they talk about shopping, they talk about and I am tired of writing... (in short they talk mostly about experiences and human relationships)
4. They like to post lyrics, poems and those psychoanalytic tests - You can see they like to share with you things that really touch their hearts and emotions. Sometimes it contradicts them and they feel confuse.
5. Lots of mystery - They sometimes write about certain things, after reading it, you still don't know what is going on.
I suspect my guy friend prefers to read a girl's blog because he think its more drama or he thinks that by reading a girl's blog, he can understand a girl better.
A guy once told me to post more photos - I would love to but should I post photos of myself showing a 'victory sign'? Post photos of the food I eat? Or post photos of myself in my new dress, sorry I mean clothes.
I am considering writing everyday instead of a bi-weekly special in my blog no matter how trivial or little I have to write. I would like to experience how it feels to write everyday even if it's about nothing. I guess the trick is to write everything about myself instead of commentating on things and topics.
Writing about all these, suddenly I have a thought. Will reading about a girl's life on her blog, actually makes you understand her more?
Ignorant Guy: "I usually don't read a guy's blog, I read a girl's blog because I think its more interesting."
I was speechless... Of course I won't debate with him on the stereotyping of a sexes' blog on whether it's interesting or not. However I do realise that a girl's blog usually has the following characteristics,
1. Lots of photos - They love to post lots of photo, photos of food, photos of where they go, photos of what they buy, photos of me etc.....
2. Lots of entry - They have lots and lots and LOTS of entries, they can write almost everyday about nothing. Even if nothing special happens. They just write, no matter how short or how uneventful the day is. (except when they are busy with work)
3. They bitch and talk about everythings - You can really see the emotions, the complaints, the dramas and sometimes the vulgar languauge all come out! They talk about the weather, they talk about their friends, they talk about what they do at home, thay talk about what they do outside, they talk about shopping, they talk about and I am tired of writing... (in short they talk mostly about experiences and human relationships)
4. They like to post lyrics, poems and those psychoanalytic tests - You can see they like to share with you things that really touch their hearts and emotions. Sometimes it contradicts them and they feel confuse.
5. Lots of mystery - They sometimes write about certain things, after reading it, you still don't know what is going on.
I suspect my guy friend prefers to read a girl's blog because he think its more drama or he thinks that by reading a girl's blog, he can understand a girl better.
A guy once told me to post more photos - I would love to but should I post photos of myself showing a 'victory sign'? Post photos of the food I eat? Or post photos of myself in my new dress, sorry I mean clothes.
I am considering writing everyday instead of a bi-weekly special in my blog no matter how trivial or little I have to write. I would like to experience how it feels to write everyday even if it's about nothing. I guess the trick is to write everything about myself instead of commentating on things and topics.
Writing about all these, suddenly I have a thought. Will reading about a girl's life on her blog, actually makes you understand her more?
Sunday, September 23, 2007
POSM Strategy or is it?
Ok what is exactly POSM? And how did all these things comes about? Why is suddenly putting posters in front of shops hip and cool?
Well to accurately answers all these questions, you my readers have to touch your hearts and look at yourselves. How MANY times can you actually remember the promotions in the brochures or catalogues sent to your house? Do you actually bring these brochures or catalogues out and refer to them religiously? To check where all the promotions are? The answer is NO. (Ok if you are not 1 of them, congratulations! You belong to the rare 0.1%.)
POSM is point of sales material.
According to my Media Planning teacher Alifiyah (I will check the spelling again) from Mindshare, the "moment of truth" is at the point of purchase. Yup, you can come out with fantastic advertising and award winning catalogues (if there is one) but when consumers reach the retail shop wanting to buy your product and suddenly..... "80% OFF STORWIDE" on your competitors product. They change their mind and bought your competitors product instead of yours. It happen quite a lot of times in supermarket and for low involvement products.
So this is where I come in. To make sure our POSM are PUT UP. A simple job? Nah... Of course I don't only do this. This is just part of the job. The questions are how do we make sure retailers put up our POSM? How do we ensure that they will not only put it today but also tomorrow? How do we overcome their objections of space contraints and such? These require some thoughts.
As I was at a meeting with the marketing team, the head of marketing suddenly suggest that we should just cement the posters in front of the retailers store. I took down that suggestion in my notebook as one of the great ideas to use.
Now the question is "Where do I get the cement?"
Well to accurately answers all these questions, you my readers have to touch your hearts and look at yourselves. How MANY times can you actually remember the promotions in the brochures or catalogues sent to your house? Do you actually bring these brochures or catalogues out and refer to them religiously? To check where all the promotions are? The answer is NO. (Ok if you are not 1 of them, congratulations! You belong to the rare 0.1%.)
POSM is point of sales material.
According to my Media Planning teacher Alifiyah (I will check the spelling again) from Mindshare, the "moment of truth" is at the point of purchase. Yup, you can come out with fantastic advertising and award winning catalogues (if there is one) but when consumers reach the retail shop wanting to buy your product and suddenly..... "80% OFF STORWIDE" on your competitors product. They change their mind and bought your competitors product instead of yours. It happen quite a lot of times in supermarket and for low involvement products.
So this is where I come in. To make sure our POSM are PUT UP. A simple job? Nah... Of course I don't only do this. This is just part of the job. The questions are how do we make sure retailers put up our POSM? How do we ensure that they will not only put it today but also tomorrow? How do we overcome their objections of space contraints and such? These require some thoughts.
As I was at a meeting with the marketing team, the head of marketing suddenly suggest that we should just cement the posters in front of the retailers store. I took down that suggestion in my notebook as one of the great ideas to use.
Now the question is "Where do I get the cement?"
Friday, September 21, 2007
Where is my team Dude?
Me: "When is my team coming in?"
Boss: "Not so soon."
WHAT?! I thought I am suppose to have like 2 to 3 person in my team. How about at least give me 1 first?? You know I can't be tying up all the merchants and going around Singapore to make sure they put up our POSM (point of sales material - something you put in or outside your store to show a promotion is going on). Singapore is so BIG, yes its a tiny red dot but I am even tinier.
Its already towards the end of September, I can't imagine that if people still don't come into my team soon, I will be:
1. Eating into my own pay because my transport allowance is not enough to cover my trips around Singapore
2. Walking alone during the Christmas Season just to check out whether merchants put up our POSM
3. So familiar with Singapore that I know whether the taxi uncle is going the longer route cheating my money
What is a manager without his team? What is a king without his castle?
( For my next article, I will be writing my POSM Strategy. For my competitors who are reading this, stay tuned! You know who you are... Wahahahahaha...)
Boss: "Not so soon."
WHAT?! I thought I am suppose to have like 2 to 3 person in my team. How about at least give me 1 first?? You know I can't be tying up all the merchants and going around Singapore to make sure they put up our POSM (point of sales material - something you put in or outside your store to show a promotion is going on). Singapore is so BIG, yes its a tiny red dot but I am even tinier.
Its already towards the end of September, I can't imagine that if people still don't come into my team soon, I will be:
1. Eating into my own pay because my transport allowance is not enough to cover my trips around Singapore
2. Walking alone during the Christmas Season just to check out whether merchants put up our POSM
3. So familiar with Singapore that I know whether the taxi uncle is going the longer route cheating my money
What is a manager without his team? What is a king without his castle?
( For my next article, I will be writing my POSM Strategy. For my competitors who are reading this, stay tuned! You know who you are... Wahahahahaha...)
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Happy Anniversary!
Today I am writing my 100th article... I would like to dedicate this article to Korina. All I want to say is,
Happy 5 years Anniversary to my dear Korina! Thank you for being a wonderful girlfriend and I look forward to the many many happy years we will have together in future. You are the best!
Lots of love,
Pineapple "I am The Best" Tat
Happy 5 years Anniversary to my dear Korina! Thank you for being a wonderful girlfriend and I look forward to the many many happy years we will have together in future. You are the best!
Lots of love,
Pineapple "I am The Best" Tat
Friday, August 17, 2007
Classified Ads
I am changing job.
The 1 month notice seems like a long time before I go to my new office in September. The strange thing is that my new job responsibilities are revealed to me slowly by slowly each week. Its a new team, so no clear directions has been set, thus I only have a rough idea of what I am going to do.
From knowing more about my job responsibilities to knowing my new department's name and my new boss. The next thing I know is that I am going to recruit people! In case you are guessing what I am doing, I am not in MLM (multi level marketing), I am not in insurance, I am not in secret societies and I am definitely not going to join any political parties. I am in the business of merchant business. I am going over to a competitor. (higher pay... WAHAHAHAHAHA!!)
I have drew up a hit list of what kind of talent I want, so here goes:
Secretary
I always wanted a secretary, you see its more of a need than a want. I can't organise my time, I don't know where I put my things, I always forget to remember things and I just can't..... You see! I even forget what I want to write. I desperately need one.
Criteria: Young and pretty (cos I have to see her for 5 days of the week, 9 hours everyday) and must be below 50kg. (so can sit on my lap and proof read my documents)
Pantry Auntie a.k.a Corporate Assistant
Yup... You read correctly. I am going to have a pantry auntie. Why? Because I am going to have my own pantry! Bascially when I go for meetings, I want her to clean up the meeting room, prepare drinks for my guests and make a good cup of teh si (milk tea with evaporated milk) and coffee whenever I want. Ensure enough food and beer in the fridge and snacks on my table.
Criteria: Most important - make good teh si and coffee. Good stock management skills. Being a hot pantry auntie will give you an edge in getting this job.
Personal Assistant
You all must be wondering what is the difference between a secretary and a personal assistant, seriously I don't really know. I just want an extra headcount. My personal assistant will do all my legwork like reserving restaurant seats, book air tickets, queue up to buy concert tickets for me etc. Job descriptions, just 3 words - do sai kang (do shit work)
Criteria: Hardworking, naive and easily bullied
Bodyguard
Being capable has its risk. People will try to hire gunmen to shoot you, sabotage you, delay you in going to a meeting, steal your plans and send spies to you etc. For now I will get one or should I get 2? Or maybe 3? 4? 5?
Criteria: Must know martial arts (minimum black belt), alert to the surroundings and look good when wearing sunglasses.
Chauffeur
I am not sure whether I spell this correctly (that's why I need a secretary). Someone just to drive me around wherever I want to go.
Criteria: Must know where all the best food are, the best night clubs and bars in town. Good driving skills, able to evade my chasing fans.
Cleaning Lady
Basically just clear my rubbish bin, clean my desk, throw away the empty beer cans and snack packs on my table. I am just too busy to do all these.
Criteria: Loves to do housework, has a need for being tidy. Good stamina and at least 1.7m tall. (she has to clean my 2m high cubicle wall and 20 sqm of my office space)
Legal Counsel / Lawyer
As I have to sign the thousands and thousands of documents everyday and millions and millions of my fans autograph books, I need a legal counsel to advise me on these documents and contracts, if not I will be signing my life away. I also need a lawyer to help me defend against sexual harrassments suits.
Criteria: Know the law well and looks like one of those hot lawyers in Ally McBeal.
Nurse / Medic
Working has its stress. So I need a nurse to watch out for my health in case I overeat and drink too much in office. At least help is available immediately.
Criteria: Trained in first aid and looks angelic in the nurse uniform.
As you can see my criterias are pretty simple. Males need not apply. You can drop your resume in my email and remember to include your most RECENT photo. As usual, only shortlisted candidates will be notify. As I need time to compare the photos, sorry I mean resumes, you may wait up to 3 weeks.
By the way, I just remembered that I am not told of my job title yet.....
The 1 month notice seems like a long time before I go to my new office in September. The strange thing is that my new job responsibilities are revealed to me slowly by slowly each week. Its a new team, so no clear directions has been set, thus I only have a rough idea of what I am going to do.
From knowing more about my job responsibilities to knowing my new department's name and my new boss. The next thing I know is that I am going to recruit people! In case you are guessing what I am doing, I am not in MLM (multi level marketing), I am not in insurance, I am not in secret societies and I am definitely not going to join any political parties. I am in the business of merchant business. I am going over to a competitor. (higher pay... WAHAHAHAHAHA!!)
I have drew up a hit list of what kind of talent I want, so here goes:
Secretary
I always wanted a secretary, you see its more of a need than a want. I can't organise my time, I don't know where I put my things, I always forget to remember things and I just can't..... You see! I even forget what I want to write. I desperately need one.
Criteria: Young and pretty (cos I have to see her for 5 days of the week, 9 hours everyday) and must be below 50kg. (so can sit on my lap and proof read my documents)
Pantry Auntie a.k.a Corporate Assistant
Yup... You read correctly. I am going to have a pantry auntie. Why? Because I am going to have my own pantry! Bascially when I go for meetings, I want her to clean up the meeting room, prepare drinks for my guests and make a good cup of teh si (milk tea with evaporated milk) and coffee whenever I want. Ensure enough food and beer in the fridge and snacks on my table.
Criteria: Most important - make good teh si and coffee. Good stock management skills. Being a hot pantry auntie will give you an edge in getting this job.
Personal Assistant
You all must be wondering what is the difference between a secretary and a personal assistant, seriously I don't really know. I just want an extra headcount. My personal assistant will do all my legwork like reserving restaurant seats, book air tickets, queue up to buy concert tickets for me etc. Job descriptions, just 3 words - do sai kang (do shit work)
Criteria: Hardworking, naive and easily bullied
Bodyguard
Being capable has its risk. People will try to hire gunmen to shoot you, sabotage you, delay you in going to a meeting, steal your plans and send spies to you etc. For now I will get one or should I get 2? Or maybe 3? 4? 5?
Criteria: Must know martial arts (minimum black belt), alert to the surroundings and look good when wearing sunglasses.
Chauffeur
I am not sure whether I spell this correctly (that's why I need a secretary). Someone just to drive me around wherever I want to go.
Criteria: Must know where all the best food are, the best night clubs and bars in town. Good driving skills, able to evade my chasing fans.
Cleaning Lady
Basically just clear my rubbish bin, clean my desk, throw away the empty beer cans and snack packs on my table. I am just too busy to do all these.
Criteria: Loves to do housework, has a need for being tidy. Good stamina and at least 1.7m tall. (she has to clean my 2m high cubicle wall and 20 sqm of my office space)
Legal Counsel / Lawyer
As I have to sign the thousands and thousands of documents everyday and millions and millions of my fans autograph books, I need a legal counsel to advise me on these documents and contracts, if not I will be signing my life away. I also need a lawyer to help me defend against sexual harrassments suits.
Criteria: Know the law well and looks like one of those hot lawyers in Ally McBeal.
Nurse / Medic
Working has its stress. So I need a nurse to watch out for my health in case I overeat and drink too much in office. At least help is available immediately.
Criteria: Trained in first aid and looks angelic in the nurse uniform.
As you can see my criterias are pretty simple. Males need not apply. You can drop your resume in my email and remember to include your most RECENT photo. As usual, only shortlisted candidates will be notify. As I need time to compare the photos, sorry I mean resumes, you may wait up to 3 weeks.
By the way, I just remembered that I am not told of my job title yet.....
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Don't worry... I am still alive.
Lately I have been depressed. I don't know why but I am just depress. I drag myself to work, I daydream at work, I am depress cos I can't seem to fall sick, I can't seem to walk properly, I can't bring myself to laugh properly. Feel like shutting myself from the rest of the world.
Lots of work to do, lots of school work to do. Procrastinate, procrastinate and still procrastinating. I seem to be that kind of person who needs that last minute chunk of pressure to squeeze productivity out of me.
I am getting old, I am just a grumpy old man, long winded, slow, weak old man. Lucky me, bless me with women who stand by me and love me for who I am. Bless old man.
For all this, don't worry... I am still alive. What cannot kill you can only make you stronger.
Lots of work to do, lots of school work to do. Procrastinate, procrastinate and still procrastinating. I seem to be that kind of person who needs that last minute chunk of pressure to squeeze productivity out of me.
I am getting old, I am just a grumpy old man, long winded, slow, weak old man. Lucky me, bless me with women who stand by me and love me for who I am. Bless old man.
For all this, don't worry... I am still alive. What cannot kill you can only make you stronger.
Monday, June 25, 2007
My Five Wives
Hi people!Do you see the young and handsome guy on the extreme right? Yup thats me... You see 4 beautiful women sitting beside me, starting from my right, the first woman is pointing number 1, the second woman is flashing the number 2, the third woman is showing number 3 and the fourth woman is displaying number 5. Well people those are the ranking of my five wives. :) (1,2,3 & 5, Number 4 is missing because she has something on)
We decide to have a family photo, so that I can keep it in my wallet and look at whoever is missing when I go out. Let me introduce my 5 wives to you, starting from Number 1...
Number 1
She is usually the one that takes care of me and helps me organise things (read: control me). A very funny and crappy girl. I like the way she laughs. Can look glam one moment and cute the other. Always caring, patient and helpful towards me, no matter how grumpy I am. Has leadership that is why she is number 1. Number 1.....
Number 2
She is a nice girl who always think of others first. She has a charming smile, a food lover, enjoys playing game(mahjong) and a natural athelete (beats me at pool). Always accomodating towards me. Can take my nonsense and rubbish. I like....
Number 3
She is the one that pays for my breakfast, lunch, dinner and cab fare. Always plotting to make me fat by sharing food with me. A capable woman with a gigglish laughter. Cute at times and fierce the other. Will be patient with me for the same thing that she will be impatient to others. Very lucky..... (and I don't know why)
Number 4
She belongs to a rare species of women who still does housework and cook. A good listener and someone who takes care of the family. Very fierce towards me but I know she is acting. Always fall for my tricks to make me look clever. Thinks I am capable and very encouraging towards me. Nice.....
Number 5
She is the youngest of my five wives. A clever girl and also has good taste because she laughs at everything I say. She always makes me feel like the funniest man in the world. Always scolds me for no reason (I am impressed). Haha....
As Number 1 has allowed me to have up to 8 wives, 3 places are actually up for grabs namely Number 6, 7 and 8. If you think you are good enough, please seek an audition with Number 1,2 and 3 although I am not sure why I can't make my own choices.
Oh yah.... This morning I read a book by Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point". In the book, it states that men are capable of feeling strongly for a few people and will only be overloaded when it reaches Number 10 to 15. Given my kind heart, I think I will extend it to 15 wives. That means I will have to buy 15 wedding gowns and have 30 Father and Mother-laws and not to say the numerous new relatives I will get.
I would really love to share my love with all of you but as you know there is only one me. So hurry up! While stock lasts......
Monday, June 18, 2007
Sometimes
Sometimes I think.... why work so hard? when you are going to die anyway....
Sometimes I wonder.... why love? when you know love is going to hurt you.....
Sometimes I thought.... why argue? when winning isn't going to bring you glory.....
Sometimes I imagine being free, free like the bird,
being aimless, floating aimlessly like the cloud,
being carefree, like the flowers in the garden.....
Strolling under the lazy sun, listening to the laughter of children going home after school, the chirping of the birds and the sound of a car driving past, with the warm breeze blowing against your face....
Peace at heart
Contentment within
Happiness throughout
Sometimes I wonder.... why love? when you know love is going to hurt you.....
Sometimes I thought.... why argue? when winning isn't going to bring you glory.....
Sometimes I imagine being free, free like the bird,
being aimless, floating aimlessly like the cloud,
being carefree, like the flowers in the garden.....
Strolling under the lazy sun, listening to the laughter of children going home after school, the chirping of the birds and the sound of a car driving past, with the warm breeze blowing against your face....
Peace at heart
Contentment within
Happiness throughout
Thursday, May 17, 2007
The Sentosa Finals
May 26, 2007, 10am - The Sentosa Cup FinalsWelcome to Siloso Beach, this is the long awaited Cup Finals between 2000 Tiger Gang and 99E Five Stars Rangers. It will be an intense Captain Balls match (modified rules - unlike the original game where someone stand on a chair to grab the ball to score, this will be a free-scoring game, anyone who stand behind the scoring line and catches the ball from a team mate scores) . We have been waiting for 7 years for this Finals to happen. Yes... Can you feel the electricfying atmosphere? And hear this, the fans are chanting "Pineapple! Pineapple! Pineapple!" (ops... self advertising again)
This is a derby match! Both teams had an intense rivalry since the days in Jurong Institute (high school - A Levels). The 2000 Tiger Gang are the students from the year 2000 batch, this gang was formed when a bunch of repeat students met each other during PE lessons. What is interesting is that 2 of them belongs to the original 99E Rangers. (Pineapple Tat & Wierd Tiger)
The 99E Rangers are the 1999 student batch. These 5 guys are from the same class, the only 2 reasons why they eat during canteen break is because they are hungry and they want to look at girls. Interestingly, all of them has different tastes, so no conflict of interest.
OH! Here comes the line-up for each team.
2000 Tiger Gang
Mr Gump (SW - Sweeper):
The only foreign import in this game, Mr Gump holds a high rank in NCC and continues to help in school, outstanding enough to represent school for NCC activities. Crappy and fearless.
Mr Big Tiger (PM - Playmaker):
Easily the tallest dude in the game, he stand at an impressive height of 1.8+m. He comes from the school bowling club. Deadly sense of accuracy and height advantage when going for the high balls. Big and useful.
Mr Little Tiger (RW - Right Wing):
His lean and atheletic frame makes him a born runner. He is from the school's running club and is crazy about running. Great fitness and always makes tireless runs. A born winger. Boylishly fit.
Mr Sporty Tiger (LW - Left Wing):
A natural sportsman, he is from the school's bowling club. Once won a gold medal for the school's yearly sports day for long jump. Good agility and speedy. Sportily good.
Mr Wise Tiger (FW - Forward):
Determined and have a winner's attitude. He is good at badminton and great at smashing (I know because I got smash by the ball a few times). Determine winner.
99E Five Stars Rangers
Mr Sun (DF - Defender):
First look and you will think he is a hunk. His big frame is suitable for muscling out opponents for the ball. Good drinker and likes to play mahjong. I am not sure how this helps in the game. A player to look out for.
Mr Nose (DF - Defender):
First look and you think he looks like Jackie Chan (Chen Long - KungFu star). Has prove himself to be a great goalkeeper at the NUS Arts & Soci Cage football. Won the runner-up medal in the 'A' Division Field Hockey for school. Look out for his kung fu.
Mr Pineapple Tat (PM - Playmaker):
Organiser of the game, has always scheme to create this Cup Final. In the same school hockey team as Mr Nose. Won the runner-up medal and champion medal in the 'A' Division Field Hockey (sorry Mr Nose, got 1 more medal than you). Represent secondary school in chess tournaments (chess is also a sport). Clever and talented. :)
Mr Alien (FW - Forward):
Tall and lanky. He is good at billard and pool. Show his apptitude in getting small balls to go into even smaller holes. Good at fishing too. Amazingly accurate and able to sense (fish) the right moment. An intuitive player.
Mr Weird Tiger (FW - Forward):
A good-looking guy. An attribute good for players to have (so even if you are lousy, you still have fans). Used to be in the school hockey team with Mr Nose and Pineapple Tat. A good-looking player.
Let the dream finals begin!
Did I say dream finals? Oh yah, its still a dream because not all are coming like Mr XXX, and Mr XXXX is not confirmed yet and Mr XXXXX has not reply and Mr XXXXXX is for a good season.
Well... The Sentosa Finals will still happen. I will just add in the girls on that day. Wohoooo!!
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
The 2nd Luckiest Person In This World
I always tell Ms K I wanted 4 wives.
As there is no perfect woman in this world, I think we can find it in 4 women,
The Fashion Model wife
We all want to have a trophy wife, admit it. The glamour kind, the one where we can bring to show off to our friends.
The Sporty Wife
The cutest and bubbly of the lot, the one with the tanned complexion. Her ethusiasm and optimism for life will influence you in a positive way. Her playfulness and adventurous spirit makes the relationship exciting.
The Housewife
As much as we are the modern cavemen (read: work and take care of yourselves) of this era, we still want someone to take care of us, to fuss over our appearance, to cook for us, to take care of our kids and to stand by us no matter what.
The Career woman
Intelligent, sophisticated and articulate. This is one capable woman you can't mess with, yet admire her for her confidence. You can talk about anything under the sun. Emotionally and financially independent, you do not have to worry about her and she gives you freedom.
Why am I writing about this? Because my female friends are always complaining that all good men are married and attached. Since there are so few good men, let the good men (includes me) have more wives. So we can share our goodness and love around.
When I tell my female friends this, they say "Do you have the money or not to have so many wives?" My reply? "I don't need money because they will be the ones feeding me." That is why one of my wives will be a career woman. It has all been thought out. So don't worry for me guys.
Oh and Ms K's reply to me was, "Ok lor, go ahead." Since I am tone deaf and inept at reading body language, I take that she is agreeable and totally behind this.
I am the 2nd luckiest person in this world. Then who is the luckiest in this world? My 4 wives..... Because they have me.
As there is no perfect woman in this world, I think we can find it in 4 women,
The Fashion Model wife
We all want to have a trophy wife, admit it. The glamour kind, the one where we can bring to show off to our friends.
The Sporty Wife
The cutest and bubbly of the lot, the one with the tanned complexion. Her ethusiasm and optimism for life will influence you in a positive way. Her playfulness and adventurous spirit makes the relationship exciting.
The Housewife
As much as we are the modern cavemen (read: work and take care of yourselves) of this era, we still want someone to take care of us, to fuss over our appearance, to cook for us, to take care of our kids and to stand by us no matter what.
The Career woman
Intelligent, sophisticated and articulate. This is one capable woman you can't mess with, yet admire her for her confidence. You can talk about anything under the sun. Emotionally and financially independent, you do not have to worry about her and she gives you freedom.
Why am I writing about this? Because my female friends are always complaining that all good men are married and attached. Since there are so few good men, let the good men (includes me) have more wives. So we can share our goodness and love around.
When I tell my female friends this, they say "Do you have the money or not to have so many wives?" My reply? "I don't need money because they will be the ones feeding me." That is why one of my wives will be a career woman. It has all been thought out. So don't worry for me guys.
Oh and Ms K's reply to me was, "Ok lor, go ahead." Since I am tone deaf and inept at reading body language, I take that she is agreeable and totally behind this.
I am the 2nd luckiest person in this world. Then who is the luckiest in this world? My 4 wives..... Because they have me.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
What do I really do for a living?
For some of you who are wondering, what does Pineapple Tat really do for a living? Maybe I have told some of you but you probably still can't get a clear idea, so below is a description of what I do,
My job duties / achievements (as in my resume)
My job duties / achievements (as in my resume)
- Executes the end to end process which includes merchant tie ups for promotions, products selection for redemption for customers, negotiation for discounts and coordinating the artwork with the printing house.
- One of the team members involved in planning and executing the launch of 2007/2008 Catalogue.
- Competitive analysis in loyalty programs and frequent flyer programs between various banks
- Sourcing premiums for a Special Programme
- Pricing of points for full (points) and partial redemption (points and cash)
- Setting up parameters for redemption on internet, phone and mobile banking.
- Drafting of statement messages for communications to customers.
- Design web pages for new promotions.
- Coordinating with the business support unit in resolving customers’ issues.
Basically I am in the business of loyalty marketing. But there are some things you do that you don't really write in your resume, here's why,
My hidden job scope (not written in my resume)
- Receptionist - As I sit facing the corridor, lost courier men and people who anyhow wonder into the office would usually ask me for directions. Although my table is second from the main door and there are cubicles on both side of the walkway, my guess is that when they walk past the first table confidently, they suddenly feel lost realising that the office is so big! Since they have swagger past the first table, they just ask the person at the second table. Secondly, people tend to look to their right which is my table.
- Handling courier men - To be fair to these courier men, 70% of them are really looking for me. Being in loyalty marketing, we actually kill a lot of trees because we print a lot of vouchers. These courier men are actually delievering these rubbish that have been redeemed, so usually my place looks like a rubbish dump until my colleague from the next building comes to collect them to count for payment.
- Sorting mails - As my table is the first table of the Marketing department, any mails address to the Marketing department actually lands on my table mysteriously or from a girl from the friendly Sales team. So being the nice person that I am, I would sort the mails which is like tons of it and pass it to my colleagues. Mysterious mails which only address to my department will be (1) Kept aside for further investigation. (2) Land up in the rubbish bin for unimportant mails or people who have left. (3) Sent to the CID because it might be a mail bomb.
- Handling women - As I am surrounded by enemies, sorry I mean women, being in a female dominated envirovment, handling them is really part of the job. Thus everyday is a PR exercise for me. Everyday I wear a mask and helmet to work. Everyday I hope the bombs near me don't explode.
Now you know what I do. No, not civil defence, its marketing stupid...
Women must be crazy
I suspect the fengshui in certain parts of my office is not good. What you see on top is my office layout. As you can see, I sit facing the corridor. Basically the green dots are people unaffected by the poor fengshui, or rather they don't really affect me. Blue dots are people who are suffering, sorry I mean friendly forces and red dots are hostile forces, not necessary towards me but generally that area is a tense place in my opinion. Coincidentally, those 4 places are occupied by women and coincidentally the people who are suffering are men. I used to walk past that area past my Big Bosses to get my print copies, recently I decide to change my printer, so when I get my print copies, I walk out to the corridor, turn right and away from the pillar to the other printer.
Don't know why everytime I walk pass that area, I break out in cold sweat, get nervous and have a general fear of people calling my name. Even if I have to walk past there, I would walk really fast. Talking to the other blue dot can be quite risky, so I try not to look for him, and if I have to talk to him, I either talk to him over the danger zone (for unimportant things), or walk stealthly over there and whisper to him (for important things).
Why is that place a bad fengshui area?
Because people who sit there become....
1) Temperamental - They get agitate easily, so do not disturb them.
2) Act strangely - Tell people that we are buddies , treated her like one and then keep emphasizng to me that she is a woman.
3) Petty - Get angry over small things and you don't understand why.
4) Lose their sense of reality - One of them told me camera is not a gadget and insist on it despite overwhelming evidence that camera is one.
5) Self-denial - Always saying that the other person is more drama more crazy than them when they are more crazy and drama.
6) Inconsistent - They can laugh at the same joke and then get angry over a similar one.
I have more examples but it would take a century to finish the blog. Why did I conclude that its the fengshui that is not good and not the people? Because one, they are usually quite nice at lunch and after work, two, some of them are reading my blog......
Friday, March 16, 2007
Work Withdrawal Syndrome
Everyday I drag myself to work. Work has become so unbearable that I have started to display several symptons. When I was waiting for the bus, I thought to myself,
" Should I go to work? I had stomache this morning. I went to the toilet twice, its watery and not like the normal. Maybe I should see a doctor. Maybe...."
The bus came and I board.
At the MRT station, I thought to myself again,
"My stomach is feeling wussy. I should go see a doctor you know. What if I board the train and I feel like going to the toilet, what if....."
The train came and I board.
In the train, I thought to myself,
"Its now Queenstown, still some way to reach Raffles Place and my stomach is still feeling wussy. Maybe I should turn back and go see a doctor. Maybe I should get down now. Maybe I should get down at the next stop or...."
The train continues to move and I am still in it. As I alighted at Raffles Place and walk out, I thought to myself,
"Hey man, you are at Raffles Place and its still not too late to turn back and see a doctor, Boon Lay is not really that far. Anyway I can take a cab back home. But isn't that a waste of money. Its not a waste of money because you are really not feeling well and...."
Before I know it, I have reached office, I walk in and put down my bag at my cubicle, then I walk out and went to the toilet cubicle to relieve my stomach.
As you can see Ladies and Gentlemen , the above symptons are reflections of Work Withdrawal Syndrome (WWS). The sufferer experiences anxiety about going to work, indecisiveness on whether to go to work or not and have strange thoughts about seeing himself not going to work. For more serious cases, they dream about work. (its happening to me and I dreamt about my Head of Marketing and Head of Credit Cards)
Other symptoms includes poor appetite during lunch (notice I don't talk about breakfast or dinner), restlessness, lethargy, impatientness, you feel that discussions are a waste of time (you can use your time for more important things), you want to avoid some people, you don't feel like talking, you feel like popping a champagne bottle when someone is on MC etc....
Right now I am having a bad cough. I absolutely, definitely, confirm, guarantee, must go and see a doctor tomorrrow!
On second thoughts, maybe not.........
" Should I go to work? I had stomache this morning. I went to the toilet twice, its watery and not like the normal. Maybe I should see a doctor. Maybe...."
The bus came and I board.
At the MRT station, I thought to myself again,
"My stomach is feeling wussy. I should go see a doctor you know. What if I board the train and I feel like going to the toilet, what if....."
The train came and I board.
In the train, I thought to myself,
"Its now Queenstown, still some way to reach Raffles Place and my stomach is still feeling wussy. Maybe I should turn back and go see a doctor. Maybe I should get down now. Maybe I should get down at the next stop or...."
The train continues to move and I am still in it. As I alighted at Raffles Place and walk out, I thought to myself,
"Hey man, you are at Raffles Place and its still not too late to turn back and see a doctor, Boon Lay is not really that far. Anyway I can take a cab back home. But isn't that a waste of money. Its not a waste of money because you are really not feeling well and...."
Before I know it, I have reached office, I walk in and put down my bag at my cubicle, then I walk out and went to the toilet cubicle to relieve my stomach.
As you can see Ladies and Gentlemen , the above symptons are reflections of Work Withdrawal Syndrome (WWS). The sufferer experiences anxiety about going to work, indecisiveness on whether to go to work or not and have strange thoughts about seeing himself not going to work. For more serious cases, they dream about work. (its happening to me and I dreamt about my Head of Marketing and Head of Credit Cards)
Other symptoms includes poor appetite during lunch (notice I don't talk about breakfast or dinner), restlessness, lethargy, impatientness, you feel that discussions are a waste of time (you can use your time for more important things), you want to avoid some people, you don't feel like talking, you feel like popping a champagne bottle when someone is on MC etc....
Right now I am having a bad cough. I absolutely, definitely, confirm, guarantee, must go and see a doctor tomorrrow!
On second thoughts, maybe not.........
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Balloons
I was blowing a red balloon at the playground for this little girl, she look at me with her round eyes and chubby cheeks and marvel at the bright red balloon growing in size. I tie it up and gave it to her. She was thrilled and skip around with it.
Another girl who tied her hair in a pony tail with freckled cheeks and bright eyes, saw the balloon and wonder if she could have it. I blew a bright purple balloon for her. She was amused and wonder whether I will blow anymore balloons for her. The chubby cheeks girl saw that the purple balloon was more beautiful than her's and felt upset.
Along came another girl, she has short hair and big round eyes, I blew her a bright yellow balloon and gave it to her. She kept giggling and wonder why this man blew her a balloon. She was curious to see what other balloon colours I can blow, so she kept asking me to blow another one for her. After I gave her a bright green balloon, she ask for more to see whether will I do it. I obliged and gave her a bright orange balloon. Now she has 3 balloons and the most among other girls.
The girl with the freckled cheeks fell down. Seeing that she was crying, I blew 4 balloons for her, red, green, blue and orange. It cheered her up and she was smiling happily. She shared with me the sweets she have with me. The short hair girl saw me doing it and asked me why did I blow so many balloons for her. I told her its because she is nice to me.
There are other girls at the playground and I blew each one one balloon, the naughtier ones got smaller balloons. With the exception of one girl which I gave her 2 because she was sad as she had just lost something.
A girl with high cheekbones came into the playground and saw what I was doing. I used to blow her numerous balloons with the colours and magnificence of the rainbow. She came and told me,
Girl: "You shouldn't blow balloons for all the girls at the playground!"
Me: "Why not? Don't they all like balloons?"
Girl: "Everytime you blow a balloon for a girl, you burst another girl's balloon."
Me: "Then I will just blow another balloon for her."
Girl: "Thats cruel! Bursting another girl's balloon will make her cry."
Me: "Is it?"
Girl: "If a girl doesn't like the balloons, she will just let it go. What if she really loves it and hold on to it and see you blowing it for other girls? Aren't you bursting her balloon?
Me: "I just want to make them all happy."
Girl: "You should blow balloons for only one girl."
Me: "Since they all like balloons, I will blow balloons for all of them and give the most and best balloons to the one I like."
Girl: "Its just your excuses!"
I pondered for a while. Then I took up the balloons and start blowing again.........
Another girl who tied her hair in a pony tail with freckled cheeks and bright eyes, saw the balloon and wonder if she could have it. I blew a bright purple balloon for her. She was amused and wonder whether I will blow anymore balloons for her. The chubby cheeks girl saw that the purple balloon was more beautiful than her's and felt upset.
Along came another girl, she has short hair and big round eyes, I blew her a bright yellow balloon and gave it to her. She kept giggling and wonder why this man blew her a balloon. She was curious to see what other balloon colours I can blow, so she kept asking me to blow another one for her. After I gave her a bright green balloon, she ask for more to see whether will I do it. I obliged and gave her a bright orange balloon. Now she has 3 balloons and the most among other girls.
The girl with the freckled cheeks fell down. Seeing that she was crying, I blew 4 balloons for her, red, green, blue and orange. It cheered her up and she was smiling happily. She shared with me the sweets she have with me. The short hair girl saw me doing it and asked me why did I blow so many balloons for her. I told her its because she is nice to me.
There are other girls at the playground and I blew each one one balloon, the naughtier ones got smaller balloons. With the exception of one girl which I gave her 2 because she was sad as she had just lost something.
A girl with high cheekbones came into the playground and saw what I was doing. I used to blow her numerous balloons with the colours and magnificence of the rainbow. She came and told me,
Girl: "You shouldn't blow balloons for all the girls at the playground!"
Me: "Why not? Don't they all like balloons?"
Girl: "Everytime you blow a balloon for a girl, you burst another girl's balloon."
Me: "Then I will just blow another balloon for her."
Girl: "Thats cruel! Bursting another girl's balloon will make her cry."
Me: "Is it?"
Girl: "If a girl doesn't like the balloons, she will just let it go. What if she really loves it and hold on to it and see you blowing it for other girls? Aren't you bursting her balloon?
Me: "I just want to make them all happy."
Girl: "You should blow balloons for only one girl."
Me: "Since they all like balloons, I will blow balloons for all of them and give the most and best balloons to the one I like."
Girl: "Its just your excuses!"
I pondered for a while. Then I took up the balloons and start blowing again.........
Monday, February 05, 2007
Fate
As I am typing away at my keyboard at night in the office, thoughts came across my mind, as I type I think, not about work but something else. I usually can't multi-task. Strangely that night I was able to work and think of something else at the same time.
What was I thinking? I was thinking about women. I was thinking about all the wonderful encounters and times we spend together. The meals, shopping, clubbing, verbal jousting, bickering, acting like kids, exchanging and sharing of food. But I can never be with them. Why? When I met them, they already have a boyfriend, going through a divorce and have a kid, married with a kid but not on good terms with the husband or going to get married.
As the thoughts go through my mind, it brought a smile to me, it was happy and it will never last. They belong to someone else at that moment. I realised it is really important at which stage of a woman's life you meet her. Who you meet first is the one you will be with.
I have friends who have no qualms about taking another person's girlfriend or wife. Will you?For those who are inexperience in the affairs of the heart, you probably think its easy to answer
this question. Because at this moment you are thinking with your head. I have friends who go with their hearts.( a more accurate description is that they think with their dicks)
Fortunately, unlike most ordinary men, I have a stronger willpower. But what if one day, at a moment of weakness, I recklessly abandon all my values and succumb to the lust of flesh and decide to go with my heart. Never underestimate the affairs of the heart.
Then the clicking sound of the keyboard came back to my senses, I was still working late into the night. I may tell you that I am forgetful, you may think I have forgotten, I did not. I was lying. Those short moments of happiness will always be on my mind.....
What was I thinking? I was thinking about women. I was thinking about all the wonderful encounters and times we spend together. The meals, shopping, clubbing, verbal jousting, bickering, acting like kids, exchanging and sharing of food. But I can never be with them. Why? When I met them, they already have a boyfriend, going through a divorce and have a kid, married with a kid but not on good terms with the husband or going to get married.
As the thoughts go through my mind, it brought a smile to me, it was happy and it will never last. They belong to someone else at that moment. I realised it is really important at which stage of a woman's life you meet her. Who you meet first is the one you will be with.
I have friends who have no qualms about taking another person's girlfriend or wife. Will you?For those who are inexperience in the affairs of the heart, you probably think its easy to answer
this question. Because at this moment you are thinking with your head. I have friends who go with their hearts.( a more accurate description is that they think with their dicks)
Fortunately, unlike most ordinary men, I have a stronger willpower. But what if one day, at a moment of weakness, I recklessly abandon all my values and succumb to the lust of flesh and decide to go with my heart. Never underestimate the affairs of the heart.
Then the clicking sound of the keyboard came back to my senses, I was still working late into the night. I may tell you that I am forgetful, you may think I have forgotten, I did not. I was lying. Those short moments of happiness will always be on my mind.....
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