Life As You Know It

As I look at my grandfather lying on the bed with an oxygen face mask strap to his face breathing heavily... Feeling weak, he needed assistance in breathing. Looking frail, hands swollen and with all the tubes going through his body, it is a helpless sight...

I look at his face, eyes half open, falling into sleep and then opening his eyes and then falling back into sleep... The machines around him had many numbers and lines, seem like life can be measured by numbers and charts.

Sometimes I thought how would you measure your life? By the amount of money in the bank, the number of women you have been with or the way your career has progress up the charts.

My uncle told me my grandfather used to earn lots of money as a businessman selling 2nd hand cars because it was big in the past, he was seen with many different women and drove many types of cars. He once gave me an advice on women, never be with a woman more capable than you because she will control you (He was once with a career woman I heard). Though I don't agree with that. (In fact, I like women who are taller, smarter, older, richer and more beautiful than me)

I continue to look at him, thinking... Is this how your life is going to end? So what if you were rich before... So what if many women have chased after you... So what if you were successful... Now lying in bed, money squandered, the women you have been in the past are not by your bedside, success is in the past. Children are exasperated by your behaviour because they think you are acting and creating trouble to get money for your mistress.

Sometimes my grandfather reminds me of my Dad, will it be the same ending? Lying in bed... Children and wife disappointed... I look at my Dad... I think of myself... Life as you know it could be the same......

Too many things to read

You know how women have the guilty (or not guilty) pleasure of buying lots of shoes, bags, clothes, earrings, or painting your nails at riduculous prices which no one will notice etc... You know the "buy lots of things but seldom use them" kind of things. Oh yah... Painting nails does not fall into this category...

Actually I too have a guilty pleasure in this category which is books. I love to buy books and hog them, even keep textbooks, I buy books just like how women buy shoes. You buy a lot but seldom wore them. In my case, with a little difference, I do read them but I don't finish reading.

Sometimes, I buy a book and I could just read a few pages and forget to read it again. The reason is not that I lost interest in the book, the reason is that there are too many things to read! Imagine reading newspapers, textbooks (if you are studying), magazines that you subscribed, your emails newsletters, library books that you borrowed and books that you have bought. Including the normal life that you are leading, like spending time with people, that don't really leave a lot of time for reading everything...

I saw this book review on The Shallows by Nicholas Carr (maybe I should buy it), what it writes about is how internet has change the way our brain think. It has make us less focus and introspective because now there is too much information. We are now skimming through information instead of digesting it and focusing on a topic at a time. I always felt it is a waste not to be able to have enough time to think and read well.

Maybe when I have decided to take a year rest from work, I can finally finish reading all the books I have bought. Or maybe after that I should become a librarian, so that I can have access to all the knowledge that I want. Or maybe I should think about why I want to read about so many stuff......