Today I am writing my 100th article... I would like to dedicate this article to Korina. All I want to say is,
Happy 5 years Anniversary to my dear Korina! Thank you for being a wonderful girlfriend and I look forward to the many many happy years we will have together in future. You are the best!
Lots of love,
Pineapple "I am The Best" Tat
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Classified Ads
I am changing job.
The 1 month notice seems like a long time before I go to my new office in September. The strange thing is that my new job responsibilities are revealed to me slowly by slowly each week. Its a new team, so no clear directions has been set, thus I only have a rough idea of what I am going to do.
From knowing more about my job responsibilities to knowing my new department's name and my new boss. The next thing I know is that I am going to recruit people! In case you are guessing what I am doing, I am not in MLM (multi level marketing), I am not in insurance, I am not in secret societies and I am definitely not going to join any political parties. I am in the business of merchant business. I am going over to a competitor. (higher pay... WAHAHAHAHAHA!!)
I have drew up a hit list of what kind of talent I want, so here goes:
Secretary
I always wanted a secretary, you see its more of a need than a want. I can't organise my time, I don't know where I put my things, I always forget to remember things and I just can't..... You see! I even forget what I want to write. I desperately need one.
Criteria: Young and pretty (cos I have to see her for 5 days of the week, 9 hours everyday) and must be below 50kg. (so can sit on my lap and proof read my documents)
Pantry Auntie a.k.a Corporate Assistant
Yup... You read correctly. I am going to have a pantry auntie. Why? Because I am going to have my own pantry! Bascially when I go for meetings, I want her to clean up the meeting room, prepare drinks for my guests and make a good cup of teh si (milk tea with evaporated milk) and coffee whenever I want. Ensure enough food and beer in the fridge and snacks on my table.
Criteria: Most important - make good teh si and coffee. Good stock management skills. Being a hot pantry auntie will give you an edge in getting this job.
Personal Assistant
You all must be wondering what is the difference between a secretary and a personal assistant, seriously I don't really know. I just want an extra headcount. My personal assistant will do all my legwork like reserving restaurant seats, book air tickets, queue up to buy concert tickets for me etc. Job descriptions, just 3 words - do sai kang (do shit work)
Criteria: Hardworking, naive and easily bullied
Bodyguard
Being capable has its risk. People will try to hire gunmen to shoot you, sabotage you, delay you in going to a meeting, steal your plans and send spies to you etc. For now I will get one or should I get 2? Or maybe 3? 4? 5?
Criteria: Must know martial arts (minimum black belt), alert to the surroundings and look good when wearing sunglasses.
Chauffeur
I am not sure whether I spell this correctly (that's why I need a secretary). Someone just to drive me around wherever I want to go.
Criteria: Must know where all the best food are, the best night clubs and bars in town. Good driving skills, able to evade my chasing fans.
Cleaning Lady
Basically just clear my rubbish bin, clean my desk, throw away the empty beer cans and snack packs on my table. I am just too busy to do all these.
Criteria: Loves to do housework, has a need for being tidy. Good stamina and at least 1.7m tall. (she has to clean my 2m high cubicle wall and 20 sqm of my office space)
Legal Counsel / Lawyer
As I have to sign the thousands and thousands of documents everyday and millions and millions of my fans autograph books, I need a legal counsel to advise me on these documents and contracts, if not I will be signing my life away. I also need a lawyer to help me defend against sexual harrassments suits.
Criteria: Know the law well and looks like one of those hot lawyers in Ally McBeal.
Nurse / Medic
Working has its stress. So I need a nurse to watch out for my health in case I overeat and drink too much in office. At least help is available immediately.
Criteria: Trained in first aid and looks angelic in the nurse uniform.
As you can see my criterias are pretty simple. Males need not apply. You can drop your resume in my email and remember to include your most RECENT photo. As usual, only shortlisted candidates will be notify. As I need time to compare the photos, sorry I mean resumes, you may wait up to 3 weeks.
By the way, I just remembered that I am not told of my job title yet.....
The 1 month notice seems like a long time before I go to my new office in September. The strange thing is that my new job responsibilities are revealed to me slowly by slowly each week. Its a new team, so no clear directions has been set, thus I only have a rough idea of what I am going to do.
From knowing more about my job responsibilities to knowing my new department's name and my new boss. The next thing I know is that I am going to recruit people! In case you are guessing what I am doing, I am not in MLM (multi level marketing), I am not in insurance, I am not in secret societies and I am definitely not going to join any political parties. I am in the business of merchant business. I am going over to a competitor. (higher pay... WAHAHAHAHAHA!!)
I have drew up a hit list of what kind of talent I want, so here goes:
Secretary
I always wanted a secretary, you see its more of a need than a want. I can't organise my time, I don't know where I put my things, I always forget to remember things and I just can't..... You see! I even forget what I want to write. I desperately need one.
Criteria: Young and pretty (cos I have to see her for 5 days of the week, 9 hours everyday) and must be below 50kg. (so can sit on my lap and proof read my documents)
Pantry Auntie a.k.a Corporate Assistant
Yup... You read correctly. I am going to have a pantry auntie. Why? Because I am going to have my own pantry! Bascially when I go for meetings, I want her to clean up the meeting room, prepare drinks for my guests and make a good cup of teh si (milk tea with evaporated milk) and coffee whenever I want. Ensure enough food and beer in the fridge and snacks on my table.
Criteria: Most important - make good teh si and coffee. Good stock management skills. Being a hot pantry auntie will give you an edge in getting this job.
Personal Assistant
You all must be wondering what is the difference between a secretary and a personal assistant, seriously I don't really know. I just want an extra headcount. My personal assistant will do all my legwork like reserving restaurant seats, book air tickets, queue up to buy concert tickets for me etc. Job descriptions, just 3 words - do sai kang (do shit work)
Criteria: Hardworking, naive and easily bullied
Bodyguard
Being capable has its risk. People will try to hire gunmen to shoot you, sabotage you, delay you in going to a meeting, steal your plans and send spies to you etc. For now I will get one or should I get 2? Or maybe 3? 4? 5?
Criteria: Must know martial arts (minimum black belt), alert to the surroundings and look good when wearing sunglasses.
Chauffeur
I am not sure whether I spell this correctly (that's why I need a secretary). Someone just to drive me around wherever I want to go.
Criteria: Must know where all the best food are, the best night clubs and bars in town. Good driving skills, able to evade my chasing fans.
Cleaning Lady
Basically just clear my rubbish bin, clean my desk, throw away the empty beer cans and snack packs on my table. I am just too busy to do all these.
Criteria: Loves to do housework, has a need for being tidy. Good stamina and at least 1.7m tall. (she has to clean my 2m high cubicle wall and 20 sqm of my office space)
Legal Counsel / Lawyer
As I have to sign the thousands and thousands of documents everyday and millions and millions of my fans autograph books, I need a legal counsel to advise me on these documents and contracts, if not I will be signing my life away. I also need a lawyer to help me defend against sexual harrassments suits.
Criteria: Know the law well and looks like one of those hot lawyers in Ally McBeal.
Nurse / Medic
Working has its stress. So I need a nurse to watch out for my health in case I overeat and drink too much in office. At least help is available immediately.
Criteria: Trained in first aid and looks angelic in the nurse uniform.
As you can see my criterias are pretty simple. Males need not apply. You can drop your resume in my email and remember to include your most RECENT photo. As usual, only shortlisted candidates will be notify. As I need time to compare the photos, sorry I mean resumes, you may wait up to 3 weeks.
By the way, I just remembered that I am not told of my job title yet.....
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Don't worry... I am still alive.
Lately I have been depressed. I don't know why but I am just depress. I drag myself to work, I daydream at work, I am depress cos I can't seem to fall sick, I can't seem to walk properly, I can't bring myself to laugh properly. Feel like shutting myself from the rest of the world.
Lots of work to do, lots of school work to do. Procrastinate, procrastinate and still procrastinating. I seem to be that kind of person who needs that last minute chunk of pressure to squeeze productivity out of me.
I am getting old, I am just a grumpy old man, long winded, slow, weak old man. Lucky me, bless me with women who stand by me and love me for who I am. Bless old man.
For all this, don't worry... I am still alive. What cannot kill you can only make you stronger.
Lots of work to do, lots of school work to do. Procrastinate, procrastinate and still procrastinating. I seem to be that kind of person who needs that last minute chunk of pressure to squeeze productivity out of me.
I am getting old, I am just a grumpy old man, long winded, slow, weak old man. Lucky me, bless me with women who stand by me and love me for who I am. Bless old man.
For all this, don't worry... I am still alive. What cannot kill you can only make you stronger.
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