How not to think about other women

Ms K for some strange reason asked me not to think about other women and sometimes accuse me of thinking about other women.

I thought about it…

Asking me not to think about other women is like asking me not to think about food.

It is impossible because when Ms K asked me not to think about other women, an image of a woman appears in my head. I am sure it is also appearing in your head right now.

So technically this is a bad move from Ms K’s part.

However I have thought of a solution.

That is to add a moustache to every woman’s face that I think of.

So technically I am thinking about other women BUT they have been “manly-fied” by the moustache.

So next time when Ms K asked me “Are you thinking about other women again?” I will say “Yes and they have moustaches on their face…”

Which means the other women like my mother, mother-in-law and grandmother would have moustaches on their face too……

Blood Type Ms A

One night, while I was engrossed with my work, suddenly a woman’s voice asked me…

Ms A: “Pineapple Tat, have you seen my drop of blood?”

Pineapple Tat: “What drop of blood??” (Puzzled by this unique 1st in the world question)

Ms A: “I had a paper cut on my finger and I flick my finger. Now the drop of blood is gone and I can’t find it.”

Pineapple Tat: “……“ ( -_-: )

And then we both stood up and look for that drop of blood, especially if it is lucky enough to have landed anywhere on you...

Ms A went to the toilet and came back to report to me the good news that she could not find it anywhere on her.

I know any man who meets a damsel in distress especially after she has lost a drop of blood would have called the ambulance, find a bandage, or bought iron tablets for her and would have asked “are you ok, do you need a hug?” kind of stuff.

However I believe in the concept of “Give a woman a fish and she will ask for more, teach a woman to fish and she will never look for you anymore.” (Ok I trademark and copyright this now, whichever works)

So I taught Ms A what she should have done.

Pineapple Tat: “Ms A, in the first place why did you FLICK your finger when you cut yourself?” (I was looking for insight which is also part of my job)

Ms A: “......” (Ok no insight)

Pineapple Tat: “Logically people would have gone and wash their finger first and then find a plaster RIGHT...”

Ms A: “......” (Ok still no insight on behaviour)

(One friend was laughing in the background because she witnessed the whole incident)


Oh ya... By the way where is that missing drop of blood......?????

How to make almost 1 million in 5 years?

All this while when I am in hiding, I have been thinking… How do I make more money?

Recently the election just happened and Mama Sim told me that if I were to stand for election, she would have voted for me…

I heard that our Members of Parliament earns 15,000 per month. That would mean 180,000 per year and a total of 900,000 for a 5-year term…

That would make me an almost millionaire…

Ms Mill overheard Mama Sim and told me that she will also throw in her vote for me plus her mother’s. Ok that is 2 more votes.

Now that I have at least 3 votes (assuming Mama Sim is changing her Malaysian citizenship to Singapore in 5 years time which is highly unlikely)…

I think I am on a great start to my political career...

I have already thought of 2 ways to strike it rich for the next election.

Strike It Rich Plan 1
Contest against Singapore’s famous figure Lee Kuan Yew in Tanjong Pagar GRC. Everyone loves a David vs Goliath, Jack and the Beanstalk story right…

So I am surely going to get on the front page, back page, middle page of all the national newspapers and that is priceless…

After getting 1% of the votes in the election, having all the media lime light plus forfeiting my election deposit of $16,000 (I heard somewhere you need an election deposit and it will be forfeited if your votes are below 12% I think), I am well on my way to publishing a book named “Why I contest against Lee Kuan Yew?”

That should make me $1,000,000 in book sales, speaker fees, celebrity appearances and poster sales…

Strike It Rich Plan 2
Contest in any area, and during speeches on stage keep criticizing the government policies.

Ok this is nothing special. I mean the news will report what you say anyway, so to differentiate yourself from the rest, you should bring all your personal problems on stage.

That should make all the audience notice you…

List of dramatic stuff you can bring onto the stage,

1. Have an affair, admit it on stage, kneel down and ask for forgiveness. It shows that you are only human, deserve a second chance and probably a chance to run the country…

2. Cry at the slightest thing, at anything, just cry, it will show that you are a compassionate, emotional and also someone who has the heart to run the country…

3. Ok this one has nothing to do with drama, but you must have a dramatic name especially a name like ‘Yam Ah Mee’ (I did not make this up, you can google his name). You can create this dramatic package by having good looks, a vintage hairstyle and most importantly a killer name… You will go viral…


Now the first thing I need to do is to start a political party… How about Pineapple Tat Party (PTP)......

Come out of hiding

After going into hiding for almost 9 months and being really sure that no one is reading my blog anymore, I decided to come out of hiding.

You might be asking (whoever is reading this, oh ya no one should be reading this) why did I went into hiding?

Firstly, I love to hide. When I was young I like to play hide and seek. It is a silly game to play in a 4 room HDB flat (about 100 sqm I think) but still that few seconds of not being found is thrilling...

Secondly, I think I am anti-social (my father said that), however no one believes me on this, thus I need to prove it. Ok proven...

Thirdly, I am a philosopher. All philosophers need to go into hiding because they are banish for some reason, exiled and disappeared for no reason I think...

Lastly, I think I am bored of hiding......