Music to My Ears

I was waiting for Mr Toby at Jurong Point's Subway when a call came,

Girl: "Hello..."
(I was stunned cos it was a familiar sweet voice but I can't recall who)
Me: "Hello... Who is this?"
Girl: "Hi... Its ________ (her name)."
Me: "Oh ok.... May I help you?"
(upon hearing this she laughs)
Girl: "We are offering you a 3 month contract, can you start work on Tuesday, 8.45am?"
Me: "8.45am?! Ok."
(I am happy to get the job but a bit early to go to work right)
Girl: "This time REMEMBER to bring your IC."
(smiling)
Me: "Haha... Ok."
Me: "You are still angry with me right, for coming all the way down to escort me."
Girl: "No no no no...."
(frantically explaining)
Me: "Orh.... I will bring my IC and you are going to escort me again?"
(she laughs)
Girl: "This time I will be waiting for you at the door, call me when you reached."

The HR girl called me again. I think I might purposely not bring my IC, so that she will come down from office to escort me again. Hehe... I got the Cards Sales Executive job from Maybank. Hmmm... Thought got to wait for 2 weeks but only waited for 2 days for them to call me back. Great.... At least I got a job, can stop eating grass for now.

Her voice is really music to my ears......

My Beautiful Escort

Today I went for an interview with Maybank for the position of Cards Sales Executive. I don't know exactly where 1 Ang Mo Kio St 64 is or the building Maybank Centre. So I took a taxi there. When I reached there, I realised the location quite wu loo (out of the way). The building looks new and decent and is tuck in a corner of Ang Mo Kio away from the hustle and bustle of town life.

I approached 1 of the 3 security guards there. They told me I need my IC to change for a visitor pass but I left it at Marina Square! While playing pool. -_-" I realised that only in the morning. So they say I need an escort. Escort?! Where am I going to find an escort?? Besides I don't have my Yellow Pages with me, how am I going to get a social escort? Even if I have one, I wouldn't have the money to pay for it. I mean it cost $150/hour.

Luckily, the security uncle is kind enough to help me call the HR girl who called me for the interview to be my escort. I wonder how she look like cos I had talked to her on the phone for 2 times and she had a sweet young voice. Have you ever heard of the theory that the quality of the voice is inversely proportional to the way a girl looks? I didn't made that up, my friends told me so. When I saw my escort, she totally smash the myth, she looks as sweet as she sounds. As she walk towards me, I saw that she has big eyes and a soft round face with long curly hair which is pulled back and tied partially. Sweet baby sweet.........

I feel like a King! They send a beautiful escort for me and the best thing is, I don't even have to pay! When I went into the building, the interior looks cosy. My interview started and when I went into the room, I am surprised to find 3 people sitting there. Looks serious man, its my first time being interview by so many people, usually I am interview by 1 person. Feels like Singapore Idol to me, even 1 of them looks like Ken Lim. I sat there, they were friendly though and then they gave me a barrage of questions. Well.... the sweet young escort was there too, she didn't ask any questions, she was just smiling at me and writing down things. Probably she was jotting down scores like Looks 10 Charisma 10 Smile 10. Full marks. Nice.....

After the interview, 1 of the interviewer told me I am definitely 1 of the shorlisted candidates. I don't know whether I did well or not but I feel its not a wasted trip although the journey is quite long from Boon Lay. One is because the Ken Lim look alike told me indirectly how I can improve my interview and two I had a beautiful escort. (the second reason is the more important one) :)

Hmmmm...... I wonder whether the Maybank girls are as power as the girls from OCBC.......

Latest Updates

Good Morning, Good Afternoon or Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman,

Last week was a fulfilling week, packed with work and gathering. I was pretty busy, so I did not update immediately. I was working in the bank until quite late, so I just feel like sleeping when I reach home.

Previously I had only publish "The Class of 99E" but not "Deuce Bigelow Singaporean Gigolo" and "A Long Happy Day" as they were still in draft state. They are place in chronological order, so the latest articles "Deuce Bigelow Singaporean Gigolo" and "A Long Happy Day" will be behind "The Class of 99E", so don't miss out on these 2 articles. Here are their summaries,

Summaries
"A Long Happy Day" - My last day in SIM?
"Deuce Bigelow Singaporean Gigolo" - Where you can find gigolo and what you should do about it.
"The Class of 99E" - Met my classmates after 2 years and an encounter with a bartop dancer.

Enjoy......

The Class of 99E (21/4/06)

Mr Alien: "Are you coming?"
Me: "I don't know lei. Still got a lot of work not done yet."
Mr Alien: "Wah lau... We seldom meet lei." (sounding disappointed)
Me: "Well... If we continue to talk on the phone, I think I won't be coming cos I can't finish my work." (jokingly)
Mr Alien: "Okok... Call me if you can come."

I am pretty popular with guys. Haiz... No wonder people think I am gay.

We had agreed to meet up on 21/04/06 Friday for dinner at Holland V, together with Mr Nose, Mr Sun, Mr Wierd Tiger, Ms 80 and Ms Bunny. I was the one who ask them out but ironically I was the one most likely who can't go. Cos on the previous day 20/04/06 Thursday, I had stayed in the office from 9am till 2am. 17 hours! I had never WORK so hard in my life before. When I left, my work is still not finished and my colleagues stayed in office until 4am. I look forward to the gathering cos I haven't seen them for 2 years. I feel kind of disappointed that I might not be able to meet them. It doesn't look optimistic cos my work is still alot. Fortunately, I found out later that the company's system will shut down automatically at 9pm, so I will not be able to continue my work even if I want to. Heng...... Happy!

I finally met them after 2 years! They were at TCC and when I saw them, it felt like we were 17 years old again, where the 5 of us guys Mr Sun, Mr Alien, Mr Nose, Mr Wierd Tiger and me sitting in the canteen eating and looking at girls together. We had VERY different tastes for girls, so we would often argue over which girl is prettier and we would criticize each other's preferences. As if we were beauty pageant judges.

There was lots of catch up and laughter. Funnily, although we have not met for 2 years, we talk as if we had met yesterday only. I guess this is what they call chemistry. It was quite comfortable being with them. Ops... Am I starting to sound gay??

Later, we decide to go Paradiz Centre to play pool and billard. Too bad Mr Nose can't go with us cos he has exams and Ms 80 is meeting her friends. Mr Sun and Mr Alien play billard while I play pool with Mr Wierd Tiger. I was not on form that day, cos I usually poke, sorry i mean kick Wierd Tiger's ass at pool. Really... Don't believe just ask him but most likely he will deny....

We had so much fun that we did not want to go home yet, so after pool (which is already pass midnight), we went to Mr Bushy Eyebrows's KTV pub. Little did we expect that place to have bartop dancing. When the bartop dancing started, the girl was dancing practically everywhere except the bartop she was assign to. She wore a black bikini and a very short flare black skirt which can't seem to hide anything underneath it from our view. She dance from table to table and even on the pool table! What was she thinking man? I think she has a fetish for tables.

When she reached our table, she tried to seduce Mr Sun by sex dancing around him, then she took his specs to wear and drank from his cup. Talking about cheapskate. After that, she put her hand into Mr Weird Tiger's shirt, tried to strip him and then she split open her legs and sat behind Mr Weird Tiger's chair! I wonder whether he felt anything hot and bothered behind his back. She then proceed to Mr Alien, she tried to rub her body against him, and to avoid her, he lean flat against the wall as if he was spiderman. I guess all her little acts was to get my attention but she got nervous and back out the last minute when she wanted to come to me. Anyway I don't fancy this kind of thing. (not because I am gay, which I am not)

We left the pub at 4am. Mr Alien was kind to drive us home cos we all stay in the west (like Chua Chu Kang and Boon Lay), while he stay in Pasir Ris. On th way, we met up with Ms Pooh at Chinatown cos Mr Alien wanted to pass her birthday present to her. She and Ms Pikachu could not join us today because of their final assessment and assignments. Good to see her again although its briefly. On our journey home, we wind down all the windows, so it was a pretty windy ride which I enjoyed.

I reached home around 4.30am and slept at 5am. I am suppose to go to work at 9am on a Saturday 22/4/06 (Gosh!). But it was all worth it though I only had 2 hours of sleep plus I drank alcohol.

I would like to thank Ms 80 for organising this gathering, although I did most of the work and contacting. -_-"Without her persistance and idea, we would not have met as soon as we would like. I want to thank Mr Sun for being a man of refined taste because he laughed at everything I said. I want to thank Mr Nose for being interesting in our conversations. Believe me, you ARE interesting. Stop telling people you are boring. I want to thank Mr Alien for providing us with transport, so that we could travel from place to place easily. I want to thank Mr Weird Tiger for FINALLY appearing this time and not MIA like last time. Your appearance was greatly appreciated. Lastly, the most important person I want to thank is MYSELF. Cos without ME, the gathering would not be as fun.

Sometimes I wonder how their lives would be without me........

Deuce Bigelow Singaporean Gigolo (19/4/06)

This day I went with Ms April to Plaza ParkRoyal Hotel where Club 5 is, cos we both wanted to learn ballroom dancing, so I brought her to see how is it like. We have seen it on the movie "Take the Lead" but it can't beat seeing it with your own eyes. Actually I got another motive, that is to bring her to see ducks (gigolos). Hehe...

Club 5 sounds hip right? Yeah... Its the hippest club for oldies. When I went in, I think I am the YOUNGEST there. I expect to see a flock of ducks (gigolos) there but I was disappointed. I can count them with 1 hand, 1, 2, 3 ducks only. Maybe because its a Wednesday. The last time I came here, I think got about 10. They were all good looking and great dancers and you can see that their female partners were obviously older than them. There are also older men with obviously younger women. What a club!

Curiously, there were no Chinese ducks. They had this Eurasian or Pan-Asian look. I mean where had all the Chinese ducks gone to?! Or because young Chinese guys dont know how to do ballroom dancing. This is serious man. Chinese women picking non-chinese man. As if there is enough Chinese women to go around. Malay guys want to have Chinese girlfriends, Indian guys also want to have Chinese girlfriends, Eurasian also, Ang Mohs are the worst culprits.

Guys (I mean Chinese), learn dancing. Very important. Here is an example, at the dance floor I saw an Ah-pek(Uncle) who is very thin like a stick and looks like the comic book character Master Q (Lau Fu Zi). He had his hair in front balding, comb backwards with the end of his hair curling and had streaks of white hair. Wore round specs, have those kind of thin moustaches like "Zorro", and a sharp thin face. Wore a polo tee and tuck into his pants. Not the sexiest man you will see but he had women dancing with him. He is really good man. Especially when he did Salsa. So learn dancing cos women will flock to you.

After seeing the sad situation where only most old Chinese men know how to do ballroom dancing but not young Chinese guys. I told myself I absolutely must learn ballroom dancing, so that I can kick all the foreign invaders from our shores and grab all the women for myself. I will also be the youngest Chinese guy dancing there. (I want to set a record)

Well.... Actually there is another reason for me to learn ballroom dancing. You see, I am actually looking for a job now. If I can't find a job, at least I have something to fall back on. Then I will be the ONLY Chinese duck there (I broke another record) and I heard the money is good....

A Long Happy Day (18/4/06)

This morning, Mr Wise Tiger MSN about something happy happening to him over there. Although its not about me but him, it stills make me happy cos you know your friend is in joyful mood. That gies me a good and happy start to the day.

Later in the afternoon at 1230pm, I am suppose to meet Mr Rooster at SIM to pass him my IBM textbook. I met him outside the foodcourt and when I went in I saw Mr Gump and Mr Sam. They were smiling to me and I am happy to see them. It has been a long time since I see them. Both of them out of my 4 lectures, share 3 lectures with me, we would often eat together after school. This time might be the last time that we eat together in school after their lectures. As we packet our food and walk to the bamboo garden to find seats, I found that Mr Sam is rather quiet than usual, so I said to him,

Me: "Hey, how come you didn't say hi to me, when they (Mr Rooster and Mr Gump) had already did so."
Mr Sam: "You are talking to them mah." (smiling)
Me: "Well... They, the 2 tribes (pointing to them) have already tribute to the king (pointing to myself), shouldn't you pay tribute to me too." (all of them laughs)
Me: "Now say hi to me"
Mr Sam: "Hi." (laughs)

Actually Mr Sam was sick that day but I suspect that he was too happy to see me that he became speechless when he saw me. He once told me that he will miss me when he knew I am changing school. Once again its proven I have gay magnetism. During eating, I told them about how Mr Gump actually thought Antartica is at the North Pole. I thought Mr Gump is the only frog in the well but I realise there were a total of 3 frogs! Mr Rooster and Mr Sam also thought Antartica is at the North Pole! Oh man... This is getting hilarious. Its at the South Pole guys.... Its a continent by itself. Read the map! Read the MAP! Later we join Mr Espirit and his girlfriend at their table. Good to see him too, he had change his hairstyle and got a new girlfriend. Nice....

When I left school, I sat at the bus stop looking at my school building from the opposite side. I wonder whether this is the last time I will be going back to school. Although I had "wasted" 1 year studying there, I don't consider it wasted cos I had made some good friends there. Everything in life happens for a reason.

I reach Plaza Singapura cos I am suppose to meet Mr Fly and Ms Fel to celebrate Ms April's birthday. I bought her a simple anklet cos she told me she wanted one. So girls make it easy for me by telling me what you want. Don't make me guess although I am good at it. We had lunch at Mahattan Fish Market. As usual, Mr Fly perform his gay antics on me.

Mr Fly: "If you are a girl I will fall in love with you." (giving me a seductive look)
Me: "If you are a girl, I think you will look pretty ugly."
Me: "And I won't fall in love with you."
Mr Fly: "How can you judge someone by the appearance?"
Me: "I only want to be friends with you."

We had a fun time talking and crapping during our lunch. And Mr Fly continue to act gay towards me and I have to continue to reject his advances.

Later, I met Mr Buddy and his friends for soccer at night at Jurong West. I capped off the good day by scoring a hat-trick (3 goals), 2 goals came from me stealing the ball from the opponent and scoring. After the match, I ask Mr Buddy,
Me: "Can I have the ball?" (Its his ball)
Mr Buddy: "Why lei?" (sounding curious)
Me: "Because I SCORED a hat-trick." (players who score 3 goals can bring the ball home.)
Mr Buddy: "............" -_-"

The Ghost of Khatib Camp

One night, I was lying on my bed in the bunk, the lights were switched off and everyone was sleeping. All I could hear was the sound of the ceiling fan. As I was lying sideways tuck in my blanket, I could feel something was staring at me from behind. There was this strange feeling. I did not think much of it. So I turn around..........

WAHHHHHH!!! My heart skip a beat. I JUMP out of bed. It had put its face close to mine. I saw this pale face with big round eyeballs staring at me. It has red lips and a strong jaw line. It has a short spiky hairstyle?? I thought ghosts are suppose to have long hair. Then it start laughing hysterically.......

I look at him..... I wanted to punch him. Mr Ghost truly enjoy every moment of it. Its one of his antics again. He usually conduct night raids in our bunks. His favourite victim is Mr Fly. After the lights are off, he would often sneak up to Mr Fly's bed and jump on him literally. I think he wanted to rape Mr Fly. There was once he sat on Mr Fly's back and ride on him like a horse. He had tried to kiss Mr Fly and manage to kiss him on his back. Then he once attack Mr Fly in the toilet. Mr Fly was bathing when Mr Ghost pinch his naked butt from behind. Eeewwww......

Mr Ghost had a perky ass. Its like its jetted out like a girl's one. Its very FIRM. Everytime he walk past us, Mr Cliff would look at him lustfully. He always look at his butt. Then Mr Cliff will motion to us that he was imaginarily holding Mr Ghost's hips and banging him. Yucks.... I wonder what kind of friends I have sometimes.

Everytime I look at Mr Ghost, I cant help but have this mental image in mind. I imagine him wearing a mamasan costume like those in the chinese period drama and holding a red handkerchief with a big red flower pin on his head. And then a brothel (Yi Hong Yuan- a famous chinese brothel in period dramas) will appear before my eyes. He would say,

Mr Ghost: "Aiyo....... Master Hoo( or Hu Da Ye). Come in come in." (in a slutty voice like Mr Fly's)
Master Hoo: "Chee Bye! What do you have?" (of course Master Hoo is wearing a chinese costume like that of a squire's)
Mr Ghost: "We have the best girls in town!"

Seriously I dont know why this mental image keep playing in my head over and over again. I heard he once wearing only his underwear, sat on my pillow and ride on it. In retaliation that I grab his pillow and hug it to sleep when he is not around.

To give Mr Ghost some credit. He was a great magazine supplier. Always providing the most up to date magazines like New Men, FHM, Menshealth, 8 Days, U Magazine and i Magazine. His contribution to the bunk cannot be undermine. I used to think that he was a good bunk ic and course ic because he was responsible and helpful. Probably all this change when he ride on my pillow in his underwear. Mr Buddy thinks like me initially too, probably until Mr Ghosts throw chairs at him. (I know, I was there)

Funnily I miss Mr Ghost. Without him, the bunk might not be so much fun. With him around, there is this emotionally charged atmosphere, there is conflict and strife. The fighting, bickering and laughing.

Ever wonder why I am the way I am now. With bunkmates like The Proud Artist (Mr LaSelle), The Annoying Entertainer (Mr Fly), The Big and Useless Giant (Mr Giant), The Crazy Ghost (Mr Ghost) and The Cocky Buddy (Mr Buddy). I have no choice but to be the Smart Pineapple Tat.

With bunk mates like these who needs enemies. Please give me the strength to whoop my enemies......

Take the Lead

This is a post I should have written last Thursday. It is because that is when I caught the movie "Take the lead". Great movie. Captivating. The movie makes me anticipate its ending. Makes me sit at the edge of my seat. Today I am going to write something serious.... I want to be a movie critic.

Story
In the movie, Dulaine (Antonio Banderas) witnesses a student from an urban high school committing an act of vandalism. He visits the school the next day and ends up offering his services as a dance instructor as a way of helping the underprivileged students. The principal, Augustine James (Alfre Woodard), puts him in charge of detention, on the grounds that nothing could be more punishing to the students than being subjected to ballroom dancing. Of course, it comes as a huuuuge surprise to everyone but Dulaine and the audience when the daily-detention crowd not only learns ballroom dancing, but Lessons About Life. And finally, a big contest takes place in which the street-smart minority kids compete against the snooty rich white kids.

Do catch the movie if you have the chance. I always wanted to learn ballroom dancing myself too. Just need to find someone to join me. All the grace and the fun. Oh yah.... I cut and paste the review from somewhere. Cos I just cannot be serious......

My Little Black Book

In my previous article Dangerous Pineapple, I mention I have this little black book where I keep my enemies' names inside. Today I have decide to disclose it because I feel that I should give my enemies a chance to run or hide from me. I think I should give them a chance to live. I mean everyone has the right to live. Now here is the much anticipated list, as there are too many of them, I will list the Top 10 only, let me remind you that they are not in any particular order and here they are,


1.Mr Buddy
Reasons: 1. Went to Hong Kong but I all got was a lousy T-shirt from him. 2. Advertising freely and shamelessly on my cbox. 3. Call me a dumbass. 4. Always make me wait for him. 5. Being indecisive until I got to decide for him. 6. Being a jinx to me.

2. Mr Fly
Reasons: 1. Always nagging at me. 2. Look and talk like a man but act like a girl. 3. Always telling me to cut my fingernails. 4. Act gay towards me. 5. Nag at me to look for a job. 6. Call me an idiot. 7. Keep asking me which girl I fancy. ( I fancy no one)

3. Mr Wise Tiger
Reasons: 1. For stalking me on MSN. 2. Always getting free advices from me. (pay up man!) 3. Not being optimistic. 4. Tempting me with food. 5. For doing stupid things.

4. Mr Crazy Su
Reasons: 1. Keep asking me how to chase girls. 2. Always telling me how good looking he is. (bullshit) 3. Devising stupid plans to chase girls. 4. Bothering me about why I did not write about him. 5. Being plain crazy. (cant blame him)

5. Mr Gump
Reasons: 1. Being too nice to people especially girls. 2. Like to tell stupid jokes to me. 3. Bore me with politics, laws, rules and regulations. 4. Dont even know where Antartica is. (what!) 5. When walking, he will always crash into me (he just cant walk straight).

6. Mr Rooster
Reasons: 1. Using excessive expletives on me. 2. Cocky 3. Occasionally confessing that he misses me. (I feel like slapping him) 4. Sudden change of personality (awhile polite, awhile barbaric) 5. Thinks that I have a crush on him (ya rite)

7. Mr Ghost
Reasons: 1. Singing in a high pitch voice (irritates me) 2. Scaring me in the middle of the night. 3. Wearing only his underwear and he sit on my pillow and ride on it (unforgivable) 4. Cocky 5. Crazy

8. Mr Wall
Reasons: 1. Giving one word answers to my questions. 2. Take a long time to answer. 3. Eating very slowly. 4. Thinks that shelter op 1 is bigger than shelter op 2 (not true). 4. Thinks that silence is golden. 5. .................

9. Ms K
Reasons: 1. Playing hard to get. 2. Always playing the "I dont want to tell you " game with me. 3. Forever criticizing me for something. 4. Everytime I ask her a question, she ask me another question back. 5. Talking to her feels like an interview to me.

10. Ms April
Reasons: 1. For any question I ask, she will answer "anything". 2. Not contributing to the conversation. 3. Often fly me kite (flaking me). 4. Like to curse me (Haha but I am still alive!) 5. Laughing at me for no reason.


Well.... Here are the Top 10. If you cant find your name inside does not mean you are safe. You are just not as important thats all. Dont worry I will still hunt you down. I am a pretty fair person.

Run people run......

Dangerous Pineapple

Today Ms Genie told me that I am dangerous.... Dangerous?? I mean I dont smuggled weapons, I dont operate a drug ring or head a crime syndicate. How come I am dangerous?

Ms Genie: "You are dangerous."
Me: "Really?"
Ms Genie: "I remember in school you once told a female teacher she smells nice."
Me: "What is the logic?"
Ms Genie: "I clearly remember you say that."
Me: "Huh?"

Ms Genie is not only the one who told me I am dangerous, Ms Bells told me I am dangerous too. I ask them why, they didnt really explain clearly. I am confused. Let me think. Is it because I play with toy guns? Because I took drugs like Panadol? Because I smuggled chewing gum from JB? (which I never did) Yup, I did head a syndicate before, I was the Chairman of my secondary school chess club. That I was once part of JI (Jurong Institute) ? Other than that I cant point to any suspicious activities.

Can any kind hearted person who knows why I am dangerous please tell me? I promise I wont silence you if you tell me and I know who you are. I will just put your name in this little black book that I keep with me. Dont worry its nothing, its only a book where I put my enemies' names and people who I want to assasinate inside. I assure you that you are exceptional and your name is inside because I want to "repay" you for being honest.

I guess these make me pretty dangerous. I am starting to feel like James Bond......

All Men are Rotten

There is one woman who always reject me when I ask her out for a movie, and she rejects me the most times. You can say she is at the top of the league. Today she finally ask me out. That woman is my Mum.....

Well... My Mum actually ask me out to the supermarket at Jurong Point. She doesnt ask my brother instead she always ask me to do this kind of "sai kung" (shit work). I wonder why the disparity. On the way to Jurong Point, my Mum told me this,

Mum: "All men are rotten. Now men are not gentlemanly and take things too hard. There are no more good men."
Me: "Who says there are no more good men? Just look at me. I am ONE."
Mum: "You are just as rotten."
Me: "...................." -_-"

I mean if I am rotten then why bother to ask me out?? My Mum always has this stern look on her face. But actually she is quite soft-hearted and emotional. I told her,

Me: "Why do you always have this stern look on your face? Cheer up and be happy like ME." (smiling)
Mum: "I have this look because some people like to take advantage of you and I know what people are thinking."
Me: "You see, if you look fierce, nobody will dare talk to you. Not everyone is as brave as me to say things that I say to you." (I sometimes poke fun at my Mum)
Mum: ".................." (smiles)

We were at Jurong Point looking for Ms K's birthday present too. Then I remember Ms K said something about men too,

Ms K: "Men are hard to please."

I haven really got the chance to ask her yet. I mean what do you mean by men are hard to please? I cant figure that out. Is she refering to me? Hmmm......

Ms April told me that all good men are already taken and what is left are the rotten ones. Maybe those attached men are rotten before they were attached but became good because their girlfriend CHANGE them. Think about it. It makes sense. Girls always trying to change their boyfriend but we never try to change our girlfriend. I mean we like you for who you are. Shouldn't you too?

About that all good men are taken. Its not true. I have friends who for 22 years have no girlfriend, some even for 25 years. They dont smoke. They are not hard drinkers. They are not heavy gamblers. They absolutely do not indulge in vices (eg. prostitution). They are willing to pay on all the dates. They are polite. They will open the door for you. They are sensitive and care about your feelings. They will run errands for you and be helpful to your needs. If you ask them whether you are pretty, they will tell you that you are the most beautiful thing on Earth.

And if you still think the above characteristics are still not good enough. Then today is your LUCKY day. Why? Because the person writing this article now is a very GOOD man, in fact the BEST. But he will absolutely not do the following things, 1. pay on all the dates (he got no money), 2. open the door for you (you are big enough to do it yourself), 3. run errands for you and be helpful to your needs (he likes independent women). In fact the characteristics in the previous paragraph does not apply to him at all.

Send me your photos to teng_wei_tat@hotmail.com or add me to your MSN. If I like what I see then I reply you lor. Muwahahahhahahahahahaha..........

Games Women Play

Have you play any of these games before?

1) The "Playing Hard to Get" game (The oldest and most classical game)
2) The "I don't want to tell you" game (very common game)
3) The "Fake Mad" game (aka Pretend to be Angry game)
4) The "Pretend not to know you" game
5) The "Pretend not to see you" game
6) The "Pretend to ignore you" game
7) The "Pretend to hate you" game

Game 3 to 7 are just different variations of the "pretend" series of games. I have played pretty much of every game and even my Mum plays it with me, heres why,

Me: "What TV program are you watching?"
Mummy: "You continue watching lor." (the game has started)
Me: "Ok.... So what TV program ARE you watching??"
Mummy: "You continue watching la."

Can you believe it!? Even my mum plays hard to get with me. Its obvious she knows what program she is watching but she wont even tell me. I mean, I am her SON! Not one of her suitors. -_-"

Then there is this very common game the "I don't want to tell you" game. I play it almost everyday. Thats right, my Mum plays it with me. Other girls play it with me too. Its pretty recognisable but often too late when you realise you are in the game, heres why,

Example 1
Me: "Is that your puppy?"
Ms K: "Why do you want to know?" (this sentence indicates the start of this game-step 1)
Me: "Just curious lor."
Ms K: "Dont want to tell you." (I got tricked- step 2)
Me: "Why?"
Ms K: "Just dont want to tell you lor."
Me: "........" -_-"

If you continue to ask why, then you will be back to square 1, heres why,

Continue from example 1
Ms K: "Just dont want to tell you lor."
Me: "........" -_-"
Me: "I mean why dont you want to tell me?"
Ms K: "Why do you want to know?" (step 1)

This game is never ending man. Its like a vicious cycle. The girl brings you go round and round. Its like when she ask "why do you want to know" and you answer wrongly, then she will punish you by saying "I dont want to tell you". Seriously, I do not know the right answer to the "why do you want to know" question. I never seem to get it right. Heres another example,

Example 2
Ms Bells: "I am going for an interview tomorrow."
Me: "Ok... So what job are you interviewing for?"
Ms Bells: "....... Dont want to tell you." (smiles)

This is pretty straightforward. I mean if you dont want to tell me you are looking for a new job, why bother to tell me you are going for an interview? Sometimes Game 1 and Game 2 can be combined ("Playing hard to Get + "I dont want to tell you"), so guys beware.

Then we come to the "pretend" series of games. Its pretty self-explanatory. Women like to pretend certain emotions when they are actually feeling the opposite like the "Fake Mad" game. They are not mad at you but they want to pretend they are. I mean duh! Its like they are testing you but you dont know for what. The "pretend" series of games are practically testing games. You must be wondering what I mean by that. They are games that test your reaction. My ex-girlfriend's Mum likes to test me, and most of the time I fall for it. Everytime I see her, I feel like I am taking an exam. -_-"

Everyday I look at the mirror and I tell myself, that I will train hard and beat women at their games. So guys dont let your guard down, cos the game can start anytime, anywhere and anyhow.

Let the games begin........

Football is better than Sex

Me: "Have you seen the TaXXy video?" (fill in the blanks yourself)
Mr Zidane: "Ya.... I got part 1,2 and 4."
Me: "Huh? I only got 1 part."
Mr Zidane: "You want me to send you?"
Me: "No need." (I am a decent person)
Mr Zidane: "Anyway its boring." (he then send me 2 files from MSN)
Me: "What is this?"
Mr Zidane: "These videos are good, better than the TaXXy video."
Me: "Ok, what is it?" (I download the stuff he sent me)
Mr Zidane: "Football clips, very good, more interesting than the TaXXy video." -_-"

Well... Mr Zidane send me 2 short clips about football techniques and tricks. I must say its very entertaining and an eye-opener to watch how footballers can do many things with the ball. I know my female readers will be falling asleep soon when I talk about football. They are thinking how come a ball can make 25 men chase after it but not me when obviously I look better than the ball. (25 men because plus referee and linesmen) You know you think you look better than the ball but beauty is subjective, and the ball can bring us places where you cant.

The person who send me the football clips, Mr Zidane is a tall guy abt 1.85m. I always look up to him, if not I will be talking to his chest. (I am tall too just not tall enough) I think he has the "I think I am thin" syndrome. I told him he looks alright and proportional. He wants to bulk up but muscular guys are big and useless, I know, just look at Mr Giant. (refer to the article Jack and the Beanstalk)

Mr Zidane is not call Zidane( a great French footballer) for nothing. He has deft touches and sometimes out of nowhere he would demonstrate great dribbling skills. Unfortunately, he usually choose to play as a defender, he should play midfield. Then again he is a pretty humble guy. Thinking that he is not as good, trust me you are good, be like me, I think I am good therefore I AM good. (make sense one, think about it)

Despite Mr Zidane's skills on the pitch, he is actually a pretty clumsy person on the pavement. Once we were at Bugis Jucntion, a girl actually walk into him! Her head knock against his chest and she was rubbing her head in pain. Mr Zidane say sorry profusely. You should not have say sorry man. You should have HUG and COMFORT her and tell her its ok, and that this is the start of a beautiful relationship. :)

Like Mr Zidane's dribbling skills, sometimes out of nowhere he will come out with a stunt. We were eating at a Chinese restaurant, he scooped some chili and as the spoon of chili was travelling towards his bowl, some of it dropped into his soya milk. Well... He just invented Soya Chili Milk. And then we all start laughing.

The most memorable stunt Mr Zidane ever did and also my most favourite one was during a FATEP(a military proficiency exercise) training. He was suppose to pull down a crank for the radar to move left and right manually, but then he pull all of it out. Nice... It was suppose to be a overnight training but we pack up early because he single-handedly destroy the radar. I remember it was close to midnight and he had save us from another 9 hours or more of torture. Thank you Mr Zidane, it really bring a tear to my eye. He should call himself Mr Zidane "the destroyer".

Mr Zidane always have a queer way of walking. When he walks he would till his head to 1 side, if I am not wrong its always his left side. And then he would raise both his arms with his elbows pointing outwards. He seem like he is always trying to balance himself when walking. When he looks at you, he gives you a sideways look not a glance. Its different, a glance is you look then you look away. He really looks at you sideways when you talk, its like 180 degrees. I try it and it hurts. I wonder how he manage this feat.

After writing almost a whole article about him, I only have 2 words to describe him and that is............. Skillfully Clumsy..........

I not Gay

Me: "Can you please take away your filthy hands?" (Mr Fly put his hand on my thigh)
Mr Fly: "We are good friends what." (in a slutty voice and a slutty look)
Me: "I told you before that its impossible between us."
Me: "We can only be friends." (I remove his hand from my thigh)

After meeting the Tiger Gang at Plaza Singapura, I went to meet Mr Fly, Ms Kitten and Ms Ginger for dinner at Holland Village. (I ate dinner twice) As we eat dinner, we also watch the Liverpool vs Bolton match. Mr Fly then made a bold prediction that Bolton will beat Liverpool (the match ended Liverpool 1-0 Bolton). So whenever Mr Fly make a prediction, bet the opposite of it, you will sure win money.

Later I told Ms Ginger that I was changing my course of studies cos I want to pursue my dream of being a copywriter or art director. She look at me and agree with me that we should all try to pursue our dreams and she told me to "jia you" with a cute expression. She really make me change my impression of her. Cos my last impression of her was when she was drunk, we were clubbing at that time. Oh man... The sober Ginger is definitely cuter than the drunk Ginger.

After dinner, Ms Kitten took a cab and brought us to Commonwealth MRT station, during the ride I told Mr Fly,

Me: "Fly, I think its difficult for you to find a girlfriend if you continue to act gay towards me."
Mr Fly: "Its ok. If I cant find 1, I still have you what. You are my number 1."
Me: "How many times do I have to tell you that I only want to be friends with you??"

I guess everyone thinks we are gay. I also dont know why guys love me. I love women. Really.....

The Reunion of the Tigers and still 1 missing

As usual everytime we meet up, out of the 6 of us, 1 is always missing. The last time I can remember that there are the 6 of us together is in the school canteen. That was like 3 years ago. I always look forward to canteen breaks and lunch cos the 6 of us will be sitting together, 3 on each side of the table. There, we will eat and talk cock and look at girls. I would also look forward to PE, cos the 6 of us will be training and playing together. After school, sometimes we would play soccer or basketball and we even challenge the school's girls team to a game, of course we won! Hehe... Those were the wonderful and carefree days.....

Yesterday, we met for lunch and Wise Tiger is the only one missing cos he is in the States studying. After lunch we played pool at Paradiz Centre and then lan gaming, playing Counterstrike with them was pretty fun and I was top! (die the least and kill the most) But then I was not happy.... Something seems missing. I can seem to be myself in front of them, I felt restricted. Why?? I cant comprehend. Isnt a reunion suppose to be happy? At least I can be the way I am in front of Mr Buddy, Mr Fly, Mr Wall and most of the 24 Gang but not the Tiger Gang.

After dinner, we parted our ways, promising we will meet again next month. There seems to be some strange undercurrents. That everyone is acting and keeping something to themselves. Feels that way. Maybe I am just being paranoid. I dont know.... I am going to be myself the next time I meet them, the outspoken and bold person that I am.

How I miss those days.......

Wonderwall

Me: "You drive as slow as you eat."
Mr Wall: "..............." (laughs)

We were at Sony Gallery in Wisma and Mr Wall was playing a racing game on the PS 2. I look at the speed he was driving, the max speed for the car was 320km/h and he was driving at 120km/h! Duh! Its a racing game man, you are suppose to RACE! Its not the drive safely campaign. Before that we had dinner at C-Jade Express, according to Mr Buddy, people who eat slowly tend to live longer than people who eat fast. By the time I finish my bowl of rice, Mr Wall still have half a bowl of rice left, thats how slow he is.

Me: "I think you will have a very long life."
Mr Wall: "............" (smiles)
Me: "In fact I think you will live twice as long as me."
Mr Wall: "............" (looking at his bowl of rice and laughing)
Me: "Because I have finish my food and you have only finish half of it." (the span of your life is inversely proportional to the speed you finish your food)

The curse of the 4 As then kick in for Mr Wall again when we were at Cineleisure. Mr Wall was trying to push open the entrance door but to no avail. Then I look at him and say,

Me: "Can you read what is written there?"
Mr Wall: ".........." (smiles when he realise what is written there)
Me: "It says PULL not PUSH, somemore you got 4 As, cant you read?" (Mr Wall got 4 As for A Levels)

We later went to Toys 'R' Us at The Forum. There we found a barrel of toy swords, so we took 4 swords 1 on each of our hand. Our duel was suppose to start when 4 foreign kids pounce on us. 1 guy was holding 2 light sabres and the other 3 took the swords from the barrels. We were outnumbered. Well... I was not afraid, I could have kick their asses but then they went to fight among themselves. So I turn my attention to Mr Wall, and the duel started.... I was about to deal the final blow to Mr Wall when a staff came to tell us to stop playing. Ops... That didnt deter us. Later we played mini table hockey and then we found a cabinet of soft toys football. We start practising headers and shooting. We wanted to play some more when we found long sticks of sponge to whack each other but they were closing soon. Too bad....

Mr Wall was suppose to treat me to dinner today. I suppose he wanted to pay tribute to me. Just like in the past where nomadic tribes pay tribute to the Chinese Kingdom. Of course he was the tribe and I, the Kingdom. But end up I treat him cos I got my commission today for my card sales. So before we part our ways I told him,

Me: "Hey, today I treat you, next time we meet, its your treat."
Mr Wall: "There is no next time." (smiling and finally he blurt out a sentence)

Mr Wall is a pretty sporting person and had child-like qualities. Being with him, brings out the child in me. We can play like children and do not have to act mature or behave ourselves like most people do or care about how people look at us. Isnt it wonderful.....

Slack and Slacker

Me: "Its raining, can you take out your umbrella please."
Ms April: "Very troublesome lei." (taking out her umbrella)
Me: "Wah! What a BIG umbrella?" (It wasnt, it was the smallest umbrella I have ever seen)
April: "It was suppose to shelter one person only what."

She hold the umbrella for both of us. Unfortunately I am tall and handsome and so the umbrella keep knocking onto my head. So I volunteered to hold the umbrella instead, then later,

Ms April: "Do you know how to hold an umbrella?"
Me: "Ya... Why?"
Ms April: "Because I am half wet." -_-"

So she took the umbrella back again to hold for the both of us. And then its my turn to become half wet. So you see, guys, always remember to bring a bigger umbrella because a small umbrella is a selfish umbrella.

Before that we were watching the movie "Inside Man". It was a pretty good movie about an ingenious bank robbery which keeps you in suspense. Then we went to Plaza Singapura, where Ms April went to Sasa to get her make-up stuff. I was bored to tears so I waited outside. It reminds me of my previous girlfriends who I went shopping with. I always get bored looking at girls stuff and suffer from brain hemorrhage during prolonged shopping. Makes me glad that I am single now.

We later met up with her friends (2 girls) at Starbucks. So there is it, 3 girls and a guy(me). One of them is a pretty handsome girl and stylish, the other is friendly and had a charming smile. After chatting, the 2 girls went back to work and then we had dinner at Ajisen. While eating I told Ms April how Mr Fly always pester me about whether I had any girl in mind. Big mistake. Cos she later ask me,

Ms April: "So do you have any girl in mind?"
Me: "No..."
Ms April: "Are you sure? How abt you and this girl?"
Me: "Why?"
Ms April: "I feel there is something between the 2 of you."
Me: "Really? Orh... It just didnt happen lor."

Later we went out of Ajisen without paying cos it slipped our minds. As I had integrity, we went back to pay when we remembered. The cashier look at us suspiciously, thinking that the "forget to pay" is an excuse. Haha....

Well... I have been slacking and have not look for a job for one week. While Ms April is even slacker cos she had not look for a job for 1 month! But then today I found out that she is quite a gentlewoman. Cos she open the door for me, hold the umbrella for me and previously queue up to buy food for me. What next? Maybe she is going to buy me flowers soon. Sometimes I feel like a girl. Hehe....

I feel that all guys should have the opportunity to enjoy the privileges of a girl. Its fun, trust me....

Cliff Hanger

Just now I was walking with Mr Onion from Boon Lay Interchange to NTU. We were talking about how time flies and that April 3rd and 4th were the days we both first got enlisted to NS. At the turn of an eye, it has been 3 years. I had always enjoy night strolls with my friends, just last night, I walked with Mr Buddy from Jurong East Interchange to Jurong West(around Lakeside).

7 hrs ago..... In order of arrival.... Mr Pineapple Tat (1st), Mr Cliff (2nd), Mr Buddy (3rd), Mr Fly & Mr Wall (joint 4th), Mr Onion & Mr Owl & Mr Japan (joint last).

We were suppose to meet at 1830 @City Hall MRT station. But then again I never expect them to be early. Surprisingly, Mr Cliff came quite punctually. Why am I surprised? Cos his late coming habit is WORSE than Mr Buddy. He can be late for up to 2 HOURS. So I am quite touched to see him come early. It was suppose to be a meet up for him cos he is signing on with the police force and we might not see him often when he starts training. (I am puzzled why the police force accepted him)

After dinner, we were all anticipating Mr Cliff to tell us his story. Mr Cliff's life is always full of drama and he never fail to entertain us with his life story. Then we found seats at Kiliney at Marina Square and we sat around him. There were 8 of us, 4 sat on each side of a rectangle table made up of 4 square tables. I got the best seat in the house cos he sat just oppposite me.

The story begins........ During work, we would always secretly MSNing each other although she was only sitting one person away from me. There was once when she gave me a chocolate waffle stuff with a love note inside. Everytime I think of its contents, I can feel the sweetness in my heart... Not only is she sweet, she is also playful. I was having lunch with her and 2 colleagues and she was sitting opposite me. Suddenly I felt a tingling sensation at my foot, I looked down and I saw her foot slowly and surely moving upwards. I could feel the tingling sensation travelling from my feet to my shin and then it turn inwards from my knee towards my inner thigh back and forth. It was flirtatious and I enjoy it and it was done without both my colleagues knowing. (I nearly choked on my fishball when she did that)

We had a bet once and I lost. So I was suppose to treat her to a drink and clubbing and that was the first time we went out alone together. I brought her there and I open a bottle of Martell($300 man!). We drank and dance to our hearts content and then she got drunk. So I carried her out of the club and send her to her boyfriend's home. Yes.... She has a boyfriend of 2 years and I was the third party. It is heartbroken to send the girl you love into the arms of another man.

We continue to go clubbing together alone for twice a week. It was always fun to be around her cos she is fun loving and daring. During clubbing, she would always dance sexily around me and I enjoy her tempting me with her sways and her curves. Tantalizing me with her soft touches and giving me the imagination of having something more. She always got drunk. She would often charge into the dance crowd and continue dancing and I always have to drag her out. There were many times where she would stay in the toilet drunk for an hour while I would wait for her outside. I would always peep into the toilet when a female patron open the toilet door cos I was worry for her. And for many times I would have to charge into the female toilet to check her out until the bouncer knew about it and threw me out.

One day, as usual she got drunk from clubbing. This time I couldn't send her home because she doesnt want her Dad to find out and she also do not want to go to her boyfriend's home. So I took her to a hotel and put her on the bed while I watch TV. I turn around to look at her, at the way she sleeps, she looks beautiful. Then she woke up and show signs of being a bit sober, unknowingly I move towards the object of my desire and a relationship develop between us. At that time we had only know each other for 3 weeks and it was the start of a tumulous relationship.

I was serious about her and I told her to leave her boyfriend because I wanted committment from her. But she wouldnt, she says she needed more time. Everytime I quarrel with her over this, she would cry, seeing her so sad, my heart would soften and I told her I could wait. But then I would always catch her secretly messaging her boyfriend and later I found out that often she would come to my house and then lie to me that she is meeting her friend later. But in actual fact, she was going to her boyfriend's house. I couldnt stand it anymore, I dont want an underground relationship where we have to act in front of our colleagues. Then she told me something shocking........ She wants to be with the both of us! Because she could find the attributes she wants in me which her boyfriend doesnt have, and the attributes she wants in her boyfriend which I dont have. She wanted the best of both world. When she is with him, she thinks of me and when she is with me, she thinks of him.

I decide to break off the whole thing cos it was causing me sleepless nights and I couldnt eat well. I confronted and told her the whole thing is off.... She cried, asking me to go back to her. I wouldnt bulge this time, I was suffering. So I left.... The whole ordeal lasted 5 weeks. Our relationship lasted 3 weeks.

Till now she still calls me, asking me to go back to her. In office, she would act nonchalantly, pretending nothing had happened between us. I really do not know what she is thinking.....

End of story?

Thats the story of Mr Cliff.... I try to depict it as accurately as the way he told me. He still has many stories and of course I cant reproduce it without his permission (its copyrighted or you could say its intellectual property). My personal favourite story of him was the MacDonald one, where he as a 14 years old at that time had an encounter with a 14 years old Malay girl who was his colleague. I hope he is alright now and that he will get over it soon.

But then..... He is only human....

The Great Wall of Khatib

I finally saw Mr Wall on MSN today. Its has been 10000 years since I saw him. His appearance is as rare as a meteorite. He is not called Mr Wall for nothing you know, when you talk to him, you feel like you are talking to a wall man, its true,

Me: "How are you Mr Wall?"
Mr Wall: "Ok."
Me: "Is that all you can say?"
Mr Wall: "............" (pause for 5 minutes)
Me: "So?" (still waiting for a response)
Mr Wall: "............." (thinking deeply)
Me: "Never mind." -_-" (bek che- frustrated)

As you can see there isnt much dialogues between us but then we had a strange relationship. He had a unique appearance. Everytime I look at at him, I think of Lord of the Rings. He really looks like an elf cos he has sharp pointy ears, small slit eyes, boylish look, soft flat hair, small lean physique and an overall intelligent appearance.

Do not mistaken Mr Wall as a slow person although he took forever to answer me, you are wrong if you think so. Let me tell you, he has 4 As! from his A Levels, he is a pure Hwa Chong guy. Yeah man... But then sometimes its a liability to him. Why? Because he is expected to perform better than any of us. Heres why,

Me: "Wah lau eh! You cant even roll a cable properly..."
Mr Wall: ".........."
Me: "You got 4 As lei."
Mr Wall: "4 As so what?" (Finally he gives a full sentence)
Me: "You buy your As one right??" (hehe)
Mr Wall: "..........." -_-"

I admit I always bully him. But its for his OWN good not mine. I want him to be strong cos he is too quiet and will be easily bullied. You must stand up for yourself. This is call tough love.

We fought the FATEP (a military proficient test exercise, where war conditions are simulate) together. Mr Wall is shelter op 1 and I am shelter op 2. Ohhhh.... Dont be mistaken that 1 is bigger than 2. Its a misconception. Common sense tells us 2 is bigger than 1. Besides I have more experience than him( I fought 2 FATEP you know). Its a liability to work with him, haha.... Cos I am the ONE taking care of him. I remember once we were suppose to set up the sentry point with 3 sand bags, I told him to take 2 and I take 1. Why? Its GOOD training for him.

The most memorable thing about us is during one FATEP training at night, after deployment, we were suppose to do all round defence (spread out 100m away in a circle individually to protect the vehicles). Well we did spread out but not individually, so Mr Wall and I found a nice spot in the wilderness and we sat among the tall grass. We talked about life (he actually talk!), our hopes and dreams and fears. While we talked, we looked up into the dark clear sky where all the stars were smiling back at us. We could hear the crickets in the background and feel the cool night breeze blowing against our face. So romantic right.... Haha.... (I am not gay I repeat)

Those were the days, tomorrow I am going to see Mr Wall again. And you know what? I am going to give him some tough love.....

Pineapple of Gamblers

Last night I was talking with a friend on msn. She told me that my blog is GOOD. Haha... Well that is not the main point. She read the story about "Dreaming Miss K" then she commented,

Girl: You always have a way with girls.
Me: Really?
Girl: Uh huhhh
Me: Really?
Girl: Ya... At that time you got me even though I have a boyfriend.
Me: I seriously dont know about it.
Me: I thought you are a super friendly girl.

Finally, I understood the mystery about why her ex-boyfriend tore up my Econs test paper after 5 YEARS. Anyway no worries, I failed that paper. That is again not the main point. I know you probably want to take out your shoe and throw at me. Be patient and read on....

What I want to talk about is missed opportunities. In the case above, I didnt know about it until 5 years later. The best part is that she thought I knew it all along which I didnt. I am not advocating stealing people's girlfriend (its not worth it and there are many girls around). I am totally against it. What she told me reminds me of what Ms Pikachu once told me,

Ms Pikachu: You think you are stupid, and she thinks she is stupid, then both of you are stupid lor.

Pardon Ms Pikachu's English, I know it sucks but thats how she talk. Is there a girl you have always wanted to ask out but never did? Cos you were afraid she might say no or for whatever reason, you never had the courage. You were afraid that you will look stupid for asking her out and look even stupidier (is there such a word?) if she says no. How do you know its stupid?? Maybe she will say YES! Maybe she too is waiting for you to ask or wanted to ask you too but afraid she will look stupid. Then BOTH of you become stupid.

In life we must take risk and gamble (not 4D, Toto or Las Vegas). Its better to have tried and failed than not to try at all and knowing that you might have SUCCEED. Then again never take yourself and things too seriously. Take risk and gamble with this fun and relaxed attitude cos the girl to begin with is not yours anyway.

A lot things in life is a gamble, like changing a course (of study) , changing your girlfriend (you cant be sure the next one will be better than the current one), changing your attitude (who you are now maybe better). So I say go out and screw up now, you will anyway sometime in your life, you might as well learn from it and have fun from the process.

Oh man.... I think I am addicted to gambling.....

Pineapple Superstar

As I was watching Campus Superstar, suddenly it dawns on me that I cant sing well... Actually its not suddenly, I always knew it. Hehe... Watching them sing, it reminds me of my 2 previous girlfriends, they are songbirds. Beautiful voices they have and great singing they mastered. It is always a joy to hear them sing to me. Sweet...

There is 1 girlfriend who likes to pull, drag and sweet talk me to KTVs. But then I cant SING! So there I was holding the mic singing my heart out. I do better at English songs sang by Beatles, basically classic songs. Then for chinese songs, I sing female songs better. My ex-girlfriend actually wanted to train me to sing! Heng... It didnt happen.... I resisted her advances.

Sometimes I wonder whether my next girlfriend will be another songbird. Will I be drag to KTVs again? Imagine a songbird being with a songduck(me). I love it when they sing to me, just dont ask me to sing to you cos I will quack. I like singing along to the music I am listening to but then KTV is really not my cup of tea.

I like music just that I am not talented in it. And then there are 3 things that I have always love and never understood: music, painting and women.

Love is....

Last night, I met 2 friends on MSN. They were both upset with the same thing and that is love. 1 friend was being 2 time by his girlfriend, I should say ex-girlfriend cos she chose the other guy. The other was upset at the meaning and complexity of love, all he wants is a simple love, someone to love him and someone for him to love forever.

These 2 friends are completely opposite characters of each other. The first one is skilled and experience in the art of love. You would often refer to him as a jerk, a bad boy, someone who goes with his heart and plays the field. The other a typical nice guy, a good man, a responsible person and a person who follows his head but unrefined in the art of love. Yet despite different backgrounds and disposition, they are troubled by the same word "love".

Usually I avoid heavy topics like this. Because I believe that life is too important to be taken seriously. That we should be happy on Earth. But then again we are only humans, mere mortals.

What is love? Hmmm... If we attempt to rationalise it, it will not be call love. I believe many people attitude towards love is too serious. (I can feel people throwing stones at me now) Wait! Wait! Listen to me first. Too many people jump into a relationship without really knowing how the other person is really like(are you one of them?). When you saw someone who you think is your type, are you really sure that she is really what you think? Some believe in love at first sight, some fall in love with someone after going out with her for 2 times or only knowing each other for 2 weeks. Think about it... Are you in love with your imagination or you desperately want to be in love?

I am also guilty of jumping into relationships(in fact all and I am guilty as charged). I am not saying dont jump into a relationship, go ahead and jump(you jump I jump), take a gamble. Go for it, you never know what you might get. But then in the beginning dont take it too seriously. Love should be fun and spontaneous. A light-hearted affair. Love is something that makes you happy when you are down, makes you feel that the world is a better place to live in.

Do you declare your love too early? Say you miss someone when you hardly know her? Then you must have watch too much TV dramas. Dont believe in dramas as the name suggest, thats why its drama. Not all are believable, even if it is true stories, they are rare and not always that dramatic. Are you waiting for someone? Waiting for someone is not like waiting for a bus. The bus will come but the someone may not. Why are you stubornly waiting for that person? Humans always want something that they cannot have, they believe that the harder it is to get the more precious it must be. Its not true.

Most importantly is your attitude towards love. As Mr Buddy always say: "Shun Qi Zi Ran." Let nature takes its course. Take things as they come. Take things easy. When you screwed up, just tell yourself you will do better the next time. Dont dwell on the past. The past is an expensive baggage. Live in the present and look forward to the future. Opportunities (and girls) are everywhere. Trust me I know what I am saying. :)

I would like to clarify that I am not an expert. And if you guys still INSIST on asking me about love, I would have to charge you (on a per question basis). Then again I am only human....