A Broken Heart Story

Every morning I woke up cursing... Every night I cry when I think of her before I sleep...

It was one year ago when I met her through a mutual friend. She is a fashion designer and like all designers, she has a fashionable and attractive look.

2 weeks after we met, she asked me out on a date. I cannot believe it because I have been single for 24 years (ok I am 24 years old) and suddenly an attractive girl asked me out. Of course I agreed. We usually went out two times a week. There was one time she asked,

She: "Oei... How come I am the one always asking you out? Can't you ask me out once?"
Me: "Can. But since it is so predictable when you are asking me out, then I just wait for you to ask."

One day, when I was sending her home, she told me that she does not want to go home early and I suggested sitting at the playground near her house. We sat side by side and then she lay her head on my shoulder. It was a warm feeling and she was the first girl to lie on my shoulder.
She told me about her abusive boyfriend and how bad he was to her. That day she lie on my shoulder for hours and in my heart I hope this feeling doesn't end...

We have knew each other for 2 months when one day I suggested we go to the beach. We were strolling along the beach when we saw this viewing tower on a little island. To reach there we have to cross a drop bridge which connect the beach to the little island. She suggested we both go up to the top of the tower which was five stories tall. When we reach the top, there was no one...

The view was beautiful with the vast sea in sight and many passing ships. However I wasn't interested in the view, I was interested in the beautiful creature in front of me... We sat down and she lay her head on my shoulder again. This time she doesn't talk to me about her boyfriend. We sat there for 10 minutes and then she turn her head towards me smiling, her head still on my shoulder.

She: "Have you kiss a girl before?"
Me: "No... Do you want to be the first one?"

She moved her head and kiss me on my lips deeply and it dawns on me that this is my first kiss. It has gone to this beautiful creature in front of me... And it will be a kiss I never forget...

Soon after we held hands when we go out and at every opportunity when there was no one around, we will steal kisses with each other. The kisses were hot and passionate, understandable for a young man like me and it was my first relationship.

However our relationship was never open, it was not featured in our social networking profile like facebook or friendster. Her boyfriend was seldom mentioned and to me he was non existent because if she still likes him, she would not go out with me, I consider that as silent break. And as to why our relationship was not an open one, I am not concern as long as we are together...

One day, while we were out sitting opposite each other in a cafe. I remember it was raining that day and she was looking out of the window. Suddenly she said to me that she couldn't forget her ex-boyfriend and wants to go back to him. Upon hearing this, I was heart broken... She told me she likes me but she didn't love me.

What do you mean by that? If you didn't love me, why would you let me hold your hands, kiss you on your lips, touch your body and let me hug you. I couldn't understand... I couldn't comprehend what is happening... It was our fifth month of knowing each other.

2 weeks later, she called me to say she missed me and wants to come back to me. I was happy and thought that she finally knows who she truly loves. We were back together again. 1 month later, she left me again...

This time she went back to her ex-boyfriend for good. The 2nd time she not only smash my already broken heart into more pieces but also left me with no confidence of a 2nd relationship. I was totally fooled by this woman. This time she told me she was not good enough for me and that she is a player. She usually choose guys who have been in relationship before and not first timers like me.

I don't understand why she chose to go back to her abusive boyfriend when she keeps complaining about him and telling me how bad he treats her. I deleted her away from all my social networking tools like facebook and friendster. She kept smsing me and instant messaging me. I told her to leave me alone and block her on msn. Don't wish to see her again...

The End......?

And So It Was Like That

I think that life's greatest joy is to not do anything at all... Idling away is an ideal situation in an ideal world. I have many stories to tell yet sometimes I am either lazy to write or don't know can write or not...

Have been quite depress lately, not sure if it's my persistent cough that is bothering me, my backache that is bothering me, not enough sleep is bothering me or the huge amount of gas in my tummy that is bothering me... In anyway, I am not in tip top condition, I think being super healthy is important.

Mr Tomato ask me to join him for a trip in the Philipines. He will be staying at a guest house with someone he knows. Told me it is an idle place, the pace is slow and the place relax. Sounds like a good proposition and the kind of place to retire in...

He will be flying on the 30th Jan. Not sure can apply leave on time and also got work to do. Contemplating...

Last Friday, I had bak chor mee again with Mr Tomato at Circular Road (near Boat Quay). I usually crave for it when I go drinking around that area. However, purposely made a trip there for 2 times this month just to eat that.

I know the content of the article is as ambiguous as the title and so it was like that......

Maybe...

You know when you reach the age of 46, you start to wonder what you are doing with your life. You start to question your thinking, your actions, your ambitions and your life style etc. Your mind is full of questions but you do not have the answers.

No I am not 46 and I am starting to think like that at 26. Sounds like I got a mid-life crisis pretty early when I am hardly in the middle of my life. Sometimes I think and I wonder how I should I go about life. To take it easy or to take it seriously, what is the true meaning of life? I think if I continue to ponder and wonder, I will attend nirvana soon...

Sometimes I have this feeling of giving up everything and leave for the mountains, growing my own crops below the hills. Harvest the crops when the season comes (ok I don't exactly know which season). Hibernate when winter comes. (which means sleep and sleep and sleep). Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, play when you are bored. Isn't it wonderful...

Maybe I should be a philosopher, think out some quacky philosphy, spread my teachings and collect donations for being so wise and give lectures when the crowd comes to me... Or maybe an artist, sitting by the river, drawing anything beautiful that I come across including beautiful women and sell my paintings for whatever price it is worth... Or a bartender that mixed all these wonderful drinks, tossing and turning and doing all those stunts, give advice to drunk people and tell stories to whoever wants to listen...

Maybe I should just slack at home, be a loafer, go to coffee shop and hang out whole day there with a beer in hand or with a cup of coffee on the table. Maybe just lie on my bed the whole lazy afternoon and imagine what wonderful things could happen and it does not happen because I am not doing anything. Maybe its a wonderful feeling to just imagine, to just think and just let time pass... And maybe this is the best way... and maybe I am just tired......