The Pineapple Times 4th Edition

I realised the last time I wrote for The Pineapple Times was in 17 August 2008. 6 months 16 days later I am back... I am the editor, the correspondent, the reporter and the columnist. This online paper was started for the purpose of helping people and unlike Today Online (a free newspaper offline + online), I don't believe in working for free. So if you still have conscience after reading The Pineapple Times, you should start to:

1. Open your CD-Rom
2. Slot in your credit card
3. Close your CD-Rom
4. A pop up screen appears so key in your pin
5. If it doesn't appear, no need to repeat step one
6. Just buy me lunch or dinner in kind... Times are bad...

Ok read those sections that interest you... It will help you in your life... Really...


The Pineapple Times

Money Matters
This morning I was early for work because there is a very early meeting, I guess it is God's will that I have this early meeting (though it was cancel in the end) because I met a ex school mate who is a regional analyst for light bulbs. He told me that year on year export for China has fallen by 80%. I have yet to verify this.

He mention that China is the world factory and it really means the world economy is not doing well since demand for export has fallen. Before I sound too economics, follow me on this especially the ladies. Since there is so much uncertainties, like the current job market, stock market and fish market, people will be hoarding cash because it is the safest...

When the economy recovers and with so many cash in the market plus all the stimulus packages and injections, the market will be flooded with cash and then there will be hyper inflation... Which means in future, prices of goods will increase very rapidly.

So what does this mean? It means that the best time to spend is now! There are sales everywhere now because people are not spending and hoarding cash. So isn't this the best time to shop?? Basically the world is on sale, so buy all the stuff you need now... I am going to buy a lifetime supply of toilet paper, there is no expiry date and everyone needs to use it right, imagine the savings I get...


Correspondent: Pineapple Tat


For The Love Of Pineapple Tat
Many women asked me this question many times, I am not sure why. Probably they knew that this kind of thing will happen to me sooner or later. Perhaps it had happened to me but I didn't realise. So what is the question that I have always been asked,

"What will you do when a woman throw herself at you?"

Well if you have never been asked this question, don't fret because when you have a girlfriend, I am sure she will ask you. And if your girlfriend doesn't ask you, don't be sad, most probably she has underestimated you.

Let me teach you how to answer the above question, you should counter it with something like,

1. "Why would a woman throw herself at me?" (Rating: Good, you diffuse tension)
2. "I am neither rich nor handsome, why would a woman throw herself at me?" (Rating: Excellent because you criticised yourself)
3. "I love you."
(Rating: Good, cheap trick but useful)

Besides the above excuses, usually they will follow up with,

"Are you sure that you won't want a woman who throw herself at you. It's free and you don't want? You men are cheap."

You may answer with the following answers,

1. "Yes I am cheap." (Rating: Good, this will make sure she never ask you again)
2. "I don't like women." (Rating: No good, she won't believe you, if she does, she will think you don't love her. Double edged sword)
3. "I am scare of STD" (sexually transmitted disease) (Rating: Excellent, this one is practical and sound more honest, means you admit you are a cheap man with no guts)

Then it will come with a third question,

"What if the woman strip in front of you? Can you resist that?"

You only need to answer with one answer, which is,

"Why would I get myself into that kind of situation in the first place? Allowing her to strip in front of me. If she can do that, it means that we are alone together in a room." (Rating: Superb, killer answer)

After the third question, and with that killer answer, you will regain a newfound respect among your female friends, girlfriend(s), wife / wives and the female race...


Correspondent: Pineapple Tat